Get A Mentor

Almost everyone struggles in the initial years of their job. We are always confused and feel like we know nothing. That is the most normal thing— I went through it too, and so did most people I know. It takes some time to figure things out after college. Personally I think our entire 20s is what we can use to figure stuff out, and that is completely fine.

Now, you may have heard the advice 'Get a Mentor' from quite a few people, and I want to share my viewpoint on it.

Yes, you do need people you can go to and discuss stuff with. Someone whose experience you can cash in on, and look up to for advice. 

 In choosing a mentor, consider two criteria:

1. You should share some quality with them, or identify something that they have which you want to build in yourself.
2. You should be able to relate with them, there has to be some connection. This could be anything— your tech stack, company, gender, upbringing, ideologies, or values. You need to build that connection, before you ask them to be your mentor.

Nobody can mentor you if they don’t know you, and no piece of advice/guidance works for everyone at every stage of their life. Start small, build a relationship with the person, maybe ask them for advice on something you have been struggling with recently. Put in the effort, show that incentive. If it progresses well, then maybe down the line you can ask them to mentor you, and take you under their wing.

That said, we often hold back on reaching out to others we admire, thinking that we have nothing to offer, and thus asking for help from this person will only waste their time. That is hardly ever the case. Any person with experience in life would acknowledge that we can all add value to each other in some way or the other.

I have had mentors where although I learn the majority of stuff from them, I know for a fact that I have also added some value to their life as well. Maybe your mentor is helping you navigate your work life, but it is possible that they may do with some perspective on miscellaneous fronts. This may be something as small as a fresh perspective on fashion and lifestyle, or hobbies. In my case for example, since I read a lot of books, that is always something I know I can contribute with. If my mentor needs a good book suggestion, they know they can rely on me for that.

Further, instead of attaching myself to just one mentor and putting them on a pedestal, what I really try to do is have a few people who have some qualities I like, and seek help from them on those topics. The issue with having just one mentor is that sometimes, we can forget that they are human too. I have been guilty of this in the past, where I thought that my mentor could do no wrong, and always expected them to help and understand me. Putting that kind of expectation in a relationship is just setting yourself up for future pain and disappointment. So definitely branch out in your sources of guidance and mentorship, and extract the best of what suits your unique personality and situation.

Of course, this is just what I feel works best for me at this point in life. Would love to hear from anyone who thinks differently on this to understand another point of view on the topic.

“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”

― John Green

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Written in collaboration with @Nikita Jalodia

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