Get the help that you need

Get the Help that You Need

When we ask for help, it often involves requesting someone to do a simple task that we could easily do ourselves. This is not the type of asking for help that you need to cultivate. Requesting assistance can propel you toward reaching one or more of the three priorities of the subconscious mind (Meeting Basic Needs, Clarity of Thought, and Helping Other People).

Learn to understand how others can truly help you in your specific situation and let go of your pride.

Live Longer

Dr. Paul Ciechanowski of the University of Washington studied 3,535 diabetics over a five-year period. As each patient entered the study, they were classed as either inclined to seek support or independent, because they were less inclined to seek support. The patients in the independent group had a 33% higher death rate than the support-seekers.

Prosper

Children growing up in low-income areas of American inner cities face many challenges. They frequently are exposed to unstable family situations, negative peer pressures, drugs, gangs, and violence. Despite these challenges, some kids succeed. The Search Institute is a non-profit organization based in Minneapolis. Their mission is to provide leadership, knowledge, and resources in low-income areas to promote healthy children, youth, and communities. They found that “the more resilient kids have an uncanny ability to get adults to help them out.”

And Relate to Others

Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi of the University of Chicago shows how we have gotten away from our roots in relating to others through helping. He discussed how baboons in the African plains spend about one-third of their time sleeping, a third traveling and getting food, and the rest in social interactions involving grooming each other to pick out lice.

He then discusses thirteenth-century French villages which were the most advanced in the world at that time. The inhabitants spent one-third of their time sleeping, a third working, and the rest in leisure. He quotes historian Le Roy Ladurie who says the most common leisure activity was picking lice out of each other’s hair.

Today we also spend about one-third of our time sleeping, a third working, and a third in leisure. Unfortunately, our most popular leisure activity is television, which doesn’t provide much human interaction. While we do not wish for head lice, we should recognize we have lost something important, the close human interaction associated with grooming activities.

Recognize the Value of Others

“Every man I meet is my superior in some way” is a quote often attributed to William Shakespeare. Ralph Waldo Emerson said something similar when he wrote, “Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: Every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him.” Every person we meet is valuable, first because they exist and second because of what they can teach us. You don’t know everything and what you need to know changes depending on your circumstances.

Learn to Control Your Ego

The ego frequently stands in the way of asking for help. Seeking assistance appears to show weakness and exposes you to possible rejection. Ask yourself how important it is for you to be recognized for achieving success. Very few people are truly honest with themselves on this question. The conscious mind usually seeks recognition.

Humility is a virtue achieved when a person does not try to impress others. It is a trait that we value highly in those we associate with, but do not often cultivate in ourselves. Charles de Montesquieu, an eighteenth-century French philosopher, said, “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

Humility neither seeks nor runs away from recognition. It allows others to feel safe and comfortable around you. It does not include false modesty or denial of your ability. It does not hold you back from achievements or your celebration of them. In contrast, excess pride can hold you back. Humility thrives on serving others. The moment you start to congratulate yourself on your humility, you start to lose it. It is a virtue that you must always strive for.

When you approach others for help, do so with the spirit of humility. Make them feel important knowing that their generosity will be truly appreciated and will make a difference. If you try to impress the other person, you be less willing to ask because of your pride and they will also be less willing to give.

Humility in Leadership

In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins analyzed companies that transitioned into greatness. Using the Fortune 500 list, he examined 1,435 of the largest public companies in the US from 1965 to 1995. He sought companies that had started as average performers and then transitioned into greatness for at least 15 years. Greatness was defined as at least three times better stock prices than average. Companies whose stock rose along with their specific industry were excluded. Eleven companies met the criteria.

The companies that made the list were Abbott, Circuit City, Fannie Mae, Gillette, Kimberly-Clark, Kroger, Nucor, Philip Morris, Pitney Bowes, Walgreens, and Wells Fargo. When he and his team looked at why these 11 companies surged ahead of their peers, leadership came forward as making the difference. Collins initially asked his team to ignore the executive leadership as the reason for greatness, but eventually, the data showed that leadership made the difference and the CEOs all shared similar traits.

Even though some companies on the list have now fallen on hard times under different leadership, his analysis is still valid. Collins termed the characteristics exhibited by the CEOs of these companies as Level 5 leadership. What is remarkable about these CEOs is that their names were virtually never in the press. They acted with a quiet resolve to get the job done, no matter how difficult. Then they gave the credit to others.

The Chinese philosophy of Taoism has a complementary approach to leadership. In the words of Lao Tzu in the Tao De Chin: “A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.”

Summarizing "Asking for Help"

The ability to ask for help was a skill that was forced upon me when I broke my neck. I am still learning how to improve this ability. I recognize now that the power other people can bring in helping me achieve my life accomplishments far exceeds what I could do without their active involvement.

Asking for help is an important skill that we can all improve upon; both from the perspective of what to ask for and how to ask for it. Seek help in reaching the priorities of your subconscious mind rather than help in simple tasks. Pride and ego stand in the way of getting effective help, so develop the virtue of humility. Show your appreciation and make the person you are asking feel important and know that their assistance will be valuable. Great things can be accomplished by those who are humble.

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