Get further by doing less

Saying NO with Confidence

Women, have you ever been asked to take notes for a meeting that you should probably be running? I’m guessing that your answer is yes.

Last week, we talked about how women are often put in positions to do “housework” at the office - taking meeting notes, training new employees, setting up team meetings - and the toll that this takes not only on our mindsets but on our ability to get promoted. And I know this because I’ve experienced it personally.

For a long time I was working my way up the corporate ladder. I was the Managing Director of a digital marketing agency and part of a five person leadership team. Keep that in mind: I was the Managing Director. Every week, I had to run the Monday morning meeting and corral everyone. I took notes during every meeting and was in charge of keeping the entire team moving forward in their commitments, and this took time and energy.

Eventually, I decided that we had to have an organized way of keeping track of everything, so I created a Trello board ensuring all ideas could be tracked back to our agreed upon strategic initiatives for the year. The board kept us focused and helped tremendously with decision making, making us more of an effective leadership team. My boss’s response? “This board is AWESOME!” While I was recognized verbally, the work that I did was never recognized towards my or the company’s achievements or KPIs, and I got fed up. I suggested that we rotate the responsibilities that I had been in charge of, and I received a lot of pushback. Amazingly, no one else wanted to do all of the extra work that I had been doing. Because it simply wasn’t worth the time, and my male colleagues knew that.

I know that a lot of you are feeling how I was, and it can be a challenge to figure out what to do in those situations. So, when you’re offered one of these ‘volunteer opportunities,’ how do you say no? And how do you recognize a real opportunity from a non-promotable one? Here are a few places to start:

• If you’re offered an opportunity, make sure that it aligns with your company’s mission and goals. If it doesn’t contribute to your company’s bottom line, it likely won’t contribute to your career.
• Make sure it’s a visible task that is seen by your superiors and / or colleagues.
• If the task doesn’t require your unique skill set and could be done by anyone, then it’s likely not going to help you further your career.
• If you’re feeling the pressure to say yes immediately, don’t. Take your time to make sure it’s a task that’s worth your time and energy, ask questions, then return with an answer.
• To deal with the internal expectation of saying yes, remember that you were hired for a reason, and that reason was NOT to do meaningless tasks. Take a breath, give yourself some time, and truly think about if this task is the best use of your time.
• If you’re being asked and you know that this task is not going to be helpful for your career, propose that the project be randomly assigned or that everyone takes turns helping out.
• Everyone will likely have to take on a non-promotable task or two in their career, so ensure that if you do take one on, it can help you in other ways. Whether it will help you learn new skills or further a personal mission of yours (such as DEI initiatives), taking on these tasks will end up being more fulfilling in the long run.
• If you’re a man at the leadership table, speak up. Invite women to participate in meaningful projects, share their ideas, point out their contributions, and offer mentorships and sponsorships. Allyship is Leadership.

Once you have determined that you need to say no to the office housework that is being asked of you, how do you confidently say no or reframe what you can do? Here are some suggestions:

• “I would like to fully contribute my ideas in today’s meeting, taking notes doesn’t allow me to do this. Perhaps there is someone we can invite who could take notes, or perhaps this is a role we can rotate every meeting?”
• “I recognize that this is important work to be completed, is there someone else on the team whose skills are better aligned to the work?”
• “I recognize that this is important work to be completed, I believe Sam would be great for this work as they are more skilled in the area…”
• “Thank you so much…” or “You’re always so great at spotting these opportunities…”
• “These templates seem like a great project! At the moment, I’m laser-focused on getting this project brief finished, but I’d love to work on these after. Can I check back in with you after the presentation next Wednesday to set a new deadline?”

If you are an ally, you can help by speaking up: Allyship is Leadership.

1. Allies can use their voices to bring attention to the contributions women are making.
2. Allies, invite women to participate in meaningful projects or offer sponsorship.
3. Allies can also step up by doing their share of the office housework. 

Have your own suggestions on how to say no politely? Comment and share with me, I will compile a list and share it with the community. Your effort can have a meaningful impact on thousands.

“For women, the most important change starts with a shift in mind-set: If we want to care for others, we also need to take care of ourselves.” - Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg

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