Perhaps most importantly, these?Rules?imply a mature and non-childish social interaction—for the then 16 year old Washington—based upon respect. Civility is, in large part, empathy, temperance and self-control. Indeed, none of these rules would permit an adult to act with the rudeness commonly associated with an untrained or uncontrolled child.
In this abridgment, I have tried to maintain the intention and cultural flavor of the original full set of 110 rules, making them perhaps a bit more approachable by removing rules of conduct that are antiquated, consolidating some, and minor tuning for the modern ear.
- Every action done in the company of others ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present.??
- When in the presence of others, do not put not your hands to any part of the body not otherwise exposed.
- Be considerate of others. Do not embarrass others.??Show nothing to your friend that may cause fear.??
- In the presence of others, don't sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.??Shift not yourself in the sight of others nor bite your nails.?Do not fidget. If you cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn, do it not loud but privately; and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.??
- Do not to speak louder than ordinary.??Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.??
- At play and when relaxing, it is good manners to welcome the last person joining.
- Do not turn not your back to others especially in speaking, bump the table or desk on which another reads or writes, nor lean not upon anyone.?
- Be no flatterer, and do not entertain salacious discussions.?
- Read no letters, books, or papers in company, but when there is a necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave. Do not come near the books or writings of another so as to read them unless desired, and do not give your opinion of them without being asked. Do not try to see what another person is writing when the person is writing a letter.?
- Do not reproach others for the infirmities of nature, nor take delight to remind others of their weaknesses.?Do not show yourself as glad at the misfortune of another even if your enemy.?When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.
- Don't draw attention to yourself.?Do not laugh too loud or too much at any public spectacle.?Superfluous complements and all affectation of ceremony are to be avoided, yet, where due, they are not to be neglected.?
- If anyone comes to speak to you while you are are sitting, stand up though the person be your inferior, and, when you present seats, let it be to every one according to his or her degree.?When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, stop, and step aside, especially if it be at a door or any straight place to give way to pass.?
- In walking, the highest place in most countries seems to be on the right hand; therefore, place yourself on the left of the person whom you desire to honor: but, if three walk together the middle place is the most honorable, and the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.?
- If any one far surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit, but, yet, offers a room or seat to someone meaner in his or her own lodging or elsewhere, the offer ought not be accepted. To one that is your equal or not much inferior, you are to give the chief place in your home, but the person to who it is offered should at the first to refuse it, but at the second to accept, though not without acknowledging his or her own unworthiness.?
- Persons who are from a station of honor or in an official office have the place or order of respect, but whilst they are young such persons ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, even if not in public office.?
- It is good manners to allow others to speak first, especially if they be our superiors or when not required by the context. When you speak, be concise.?Let your discourse with persons of business be short and comprehensive.?
- Persons of low degree ought not to use many ceremonies or artificial contrivances to persons of honor or higher station, but simply show respect and honor, and those of high degree ought to treat them with affability and courtesy, without arrogance.?
- In speaking to persons of quality do not lean nor look them full in the face, nor approach too near them at least keep a full pace from them.?
- In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.?
- In writing or speaking, give to every person his or her due, title according to degree and the custom of the place. Do not argue with your superior. Submit your ideas with humility.?Do not try to win arguments with your superiors, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.?
- Undertake not to teach your equals in the art how to do their own job; it is a type of arrogance.
- Let your countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.?The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.?Sublime matters treat seriously. Let thy ceremonies in courtesy be proper to the dignity of the place with whom you converse, for you cannot act the same for in every moment, as it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.?
- Do not express joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary passion will aggravate the misery.
- When a person does their best and fails, do not criticize.?When a person does all a person can, though failing, do not cast blame.
- When you must give advice or criticism, consider the timing, whether it should be given in public or private, the manner and, above all, be gentle.?In reproving, show no sign of anger, but do it with all sweetness and mildness.
- If you are corrected, take it without argument. If you were wrongly judged, correct it later. Take all admonitions thankfully in what time or place given, but, afterwards, not being culpable, take a time and place convenient to let the person know it that gave them.
- Do not make fun of anything important to others.?Mock not nor jest at anything of importance, avoid sarcasm, and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant abstain from laughing yourself.
- If you criticize someone else of something, make sure you are not guilty of it yourself. Actions speak louder than words.?Wherein you reprove another, be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than precepts.?
- Use no reproachful language against anyone. Neither curse nor revile. Do not be quick to believe bad reports about others.?Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.?
- Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing affectation.?
- Do not wear not clothes that are foul, ripped or dusty, but see they be brushed once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleanliness.?In your apparel, be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature. Rather than to procure admiration, keep to the fashion of your equals keeping with respect to times and places.?Play not the peacock, looking every where about you, to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings sit neatly, and clothes fit handsomely.?
- Associate with people of good quality. It is better to be alone than in bad company, if you esteem your own reputation.
- In walking up and down in a house, only with one in company, if the person be greater than yourself, at the first give the person the right hand and don't stop not till the person does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face; if the person be a person of great quality, walk not with the person cheek to cheek, but somewhat behind, in such a manner that the person may easily speak to you.
- Always allow reason to govern your actions.?Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature: And in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.
- Never break the rules in front of your subordinates.
- Never express anything unbecoming, nor act immorally before your inferiors. Some things are better kept secret.?Do not be curious about secrets of others or be a cad to discover their private matter.?
- Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and learned persons nor very difficult questions or subjects, among the ignorant or things hard to be believed, stuff not your discourse with sentences amongst your betters nor equals.?
- Speak not of doleful things in a time of mirth or at the table; speak not of melancholy things as death and wounds, and if others mention them change if you can the discourse.
- Tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friend.
- Persons should not overly value their own accomplishments.?A person ought not to value his or her own achievements, or rare qualities of wit; much less of his or her riches, virtue or kindred.?
- Break not a jest where none take pleasure in mirth; laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no person's misfortune, though there seem to be some cause.?
- Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest; scoff at none, although they give occasion.?
- Be not froward, but friendly and courteous; the first to salute hear and answer and be not pensive when it is a time to converse. Do not detract from others nor be overbearing in giving orders.?Detract not from others neither be excessive in commanding.
- Do not go where you are not wanted.
- If two people disagree, do not take one side or the other. Be flexible in your own opinions and when you don't care, take the majority opinion.?If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own opinion, in things indifferent be of the major side.
- Give not advice without being asked and when desired do it briefly. Do not correct others when it is not your place to do so.?Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors.?
- Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others and ask not how they came.
- Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language and that as those of quality do and not as the vulgar.
- Think before you speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your words too hastily but orderly and distinctly.?
- When another speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience. Do not presume to help nor prompt the speaker without it desired, interrupt not, nor answer the speaker till the speech be ended.?
- In the midst of discourse, ask not of the topic of discourse, but if you perceive any stop because of your coming you may well entreat the conversation gently to proceed: If a person of quality comes in while your conversing it is handsome to repeat what was said before.?
- While you are talking, point not with your finger at the person of whom you discourse nor approach too near the person to whom you talk especially to his or her face.?
- Treat with persons at fit times about business.
- Whisper not in the company of others. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.?
- Do not compare yourselves amongst yourselves.?Make no comparisons, and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
- Do not be quick to talk about something when you do not have all the facts.?Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard name not your author always a secret discover not.?
- Be not tedious in discourse or in reading unless you find the company pleased therewith.
- Do not be curious to know the affairs of others, and neither approach those that speak in private.
- Do not start what you cannot finish. Keep your promises.?Do not undertake what you cannot perform.?
- When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and with discretion, however mean the person be you do it too.?
- When your superiors talk to anybody hearken not neither to speak nor laugh.?
- In company of these of higher quality than yourself, speak not until you are asked a question, then stand upright and answer in few words.?
- In disputes, be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his or her opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.?
- Let thy carriage be such as becomes a person grave settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others say.?
- Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse. Do not speak badly of those who are not present for it is unjust.?
- Being set at meat scratch not neither spit cough or blow your nose except there is a necessity for it.?
- Feed not with greediness; cut your bread with a knife, lean not on the table neither find fault with what you eat.?If you soak bread in the sauce let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a time and blow not your broth at table but stay till cools of it self.?
- It is unbecoming to stoop much to one's meat. Keep your fingers clean and, when foul, wipe them on a corner of your table napkin. Don't take so big a bite that you must chew with your mouth open. Put not another bit into your mouth till the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.?Drink not nor talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.?
- Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after drinking, wipe your lips; breathe not then or ever with too great a noise, for its uncivil.?Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done without a peep to them.?
- In the company of your betters, be not longer in eating than they are; lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.?
- It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold the napkin and fall to meat first, but the chiefest ought then to begin in time and to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed.?
- Be not angry at the table whatever happens and if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast.?Set not yourself at the upper of the table; but if it be your due or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, least you should trouble the company. Show interest in others conversation, but don't talk with your mouth full.?If others talk at the table, be attentive but talk not with meat in your mouth.?
- When you speak of God or God's attributes, let it be seriously and with reverence. Honor and obey your natural parents although they be poor.?
- Let your recreations be of an adult and not sinful. Don't allow yourself to become jaded, cynical or calloused.?
- Work to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
*?Gregg Zegarelli, Esq., earned both his Bachelor of Arts Degree and his Juris Doctorate from Duquesne University, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. His dual major areas of study were History from the College of Liberal Arts and Accounting from the Business School (qualified to sit for the CPA examination), with dual minors in Philosophy and Political Science. He has enjoyed Adjunct Professorships in the Duquesne University Graduate Leadership Master Degree Program (The Leader as Entrepreneur; Developing Leadership Character Through Adversity) and the University of Pittsburgh Law School (The Anatomy of a Deal). He is admitted to various courts throughout the United States of America.
