Genuine Praise Is the Best Motivator of All

If you're reading this, you already understand the value of positive feedback. But you might not yet be adept at when, where, why and how to deliver it.

Done superficially or too frequently, your attempts to be positive could backfire. You probably know someone who constantly "congratulates" you on a job well done, which only reinforces that s/he has no idea what you actually do, or - even worse - is simply trying to appear more powerful than you by "patting you on the head".

Don't be that person.

If you compliment someone, have a genuine and substantive reason for doing so. To that end, make sure to explain what motivated you to approach that person. At my sister-in-law's house, I admired a sculpture it appeared that she had bought from a professional artist; the artwork was highly creative and beautifully done. But it turned out that my teenage nephew had created it, and my jaw dropped (he witnessed this). I then asked him how he came up with the idea, how he created it, etc. To be clear, I didn't do this to be polite; I did it out of genuine interest and amazement.

Another way to signal superficiality - or low standards - is to praise too often. Not every act is worthy of positive feedback. We all have certain responsibilities that qualify as basic duties; I don't expect to be praised for turning in an assignment on time or for submitting an article without typos. Reserve your praise for actions that go over and beyond the call of duty.

But, there's a but.

Although you want to praise selectively, you also want to watch carefully for opportunities to share positive feedback. This is the step that most people skip... they offer praise when some action jumps up and grabs their attention, but they don't go looking for such actions. Thanks to this oversight, many fine performances get overlooked.

Finally, I suggest that you replace criticism with restraint. If someone lets you down, either say nothing or tell them, "I know I can trust you never to let that happen again." Constructive criticism is okay, but tearing someone down seldom works, and even when it does there are residual consequences.

Think of it this way... imagine that the people around you are actors in a play. If they get a standing ovation, it will feel wonderful, so stand up and deliver one to them when they deserve it. If they receive a smattering of polite applause, that will be plenty of feedback that their performance disappointed the audience. It is virtually never productive to deliver the equivalent of a jeering, nasty audience. Nothing good comes from that sort of negativity.

Bruce Kasanoff helps a wide range of entrepreneurs and executives shape their best ideas for social media. He is the author of How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.