The Gentle Art of Feedback
When I first started work, way back in 2001, a senior colleague told me: "feedback is a responsibility, not a right." Among the many things that well-meaning colleague said during our three years working together, this profound statement has stayed with me even a quarter of a century later.
Yet, many make the mistake of thinking their "right" to give feedback comes with seniority. While every criticism of someone's work should be backed by experience, it must also be tempered with wisdom—which, hopefully, one has accumulated over those same years.
When someone hands you their work to review, they do so because they believe you're worthy of evaluating it. One might argue that in today's team environment, people have no choice but to submit their work for review by peers or superiors, regardless of whether they consider the reviewers worthy. Nonetheless, people present their work for scrutiny hoping the review will result in improvement.
In many cases, feedback is nothing more than an opinion. Consider this statement: "I don't think this will work." Most would immediately recognize this as merely an opinion because it lacks solid rationale. It's like saying, "I don't think blue will be a good choice." That's clearly just an opinion. The immediate question is "Why?" An opinion transforms into feedback when followed by "because." For example: "I don't think blue will be a good choice, because the night sky is not blue in color." Even better when accompanied by a suggestion: "You could try a very dark blue, because that's what the night sky looks like." Now your feedback is fortified with both sound rationale and an implementable suggestion.
The choice of words is equally important. Being chosen to review someone's work can be intoxicating. If you were selected to review another's work, you might feel superior and speak from that assumed position—talking down to the person under review. Recently, a colleague received the phrase "very poor" as feedback for a concept video he created when no one else had even volunteered to tackle the subject. What's wrong with using strong words? I see two distinct problems. First, no reason was provided for why the video was "very poor." The exact phrase used was "I think it is very poor," clearly marking it as merely a strong opinion with no explanation and no regard for the creator's feelings. Second, harsh words should never be used when milder, gentler words would suffice.
This brings us to the essence of this topic: Feedback is an art—a gentle one at that.
The last time I checked, we were all still working with human beings. The age of robots may be rapidly approaching, and perhaps bluntness will be acceptable when dealing with automatons without feelings. Personally, I dread that thought. My prompts to AI are still lavishly punctuated with "please" and "would you be so kind as to." Perhaps, I am hoping that when they finally start taking over the world from us, they'll remember my kindness and reciprocate. But when dealing with humans, kindness and politeness remain valuable.
Feedback, in my opinion, shouldn't be a case of "I'll show you the way." That's more like imposition. Instead, it should be "Could we discover the way together? Let me share my experience with you." This approach fosters camaraderie, collective learning, and trust—the foundation of a strong team. In most cases, I've found that humane feedback evokes immediate, positive reactions. Recipients recognize that their work has been thoughtfully evaluated, appreciated where deserved, with flaws pointed out firmly but gently, supported by clear rationale and constructive suggestions. This signals that the reviewer genuinely wants to see them succeed. It makes them feel respected because their ideas haven't been mercilessly dismissed. They feel encouraged to generate better ideas next time because their review experience was positive.
But who has time to be so gentle, one might ask? As my senior said many years ago, feedback is a responsibility. We must necessarily make time to fulfill our responsibilities.