In Geneva, you can have a work-life OR a love life

This summer, I am writing on the love life of Geneva expats. It is not turning out great. in fact, I have made 6 drafts that are not coherent enough to share and I don't promise this one would be too.? But if a topic has long stayed and convinced you it is its turn, you do not shy away from exploring it. At least I long lost my modesty of shying away from grey topics.

As an expat living in the 9th happiest country in the world, the good life boils down to

• Having a job
• Spending all your days on that job
• Having fleeting romances
• Spending the rest of your day on the job

That is pretty much it. I admit I am exaggerating, but if they keep showing up, patterns don’t lie.

I am thinking of what happens when you get home at night and have your dinner. Do you spend the rest of the night worrying about the next day's job? How to make another appearance, how much pride you have in solving the world’s biggest problems, how much you hate your job? What strategies you need to get noticed more and promoted? How much more you want to give up?

Everyone in this category has one thing in common. They cannot stop thinking about their job. And why should they? It takes up a major part of their day. But I am not here to feed anyone's addiction to work or give a rational take on why they should keep on. It is summer. And if there is anything I know about summer, it is a season of transformation. You may or may not have your job at the onset of autumn.? You might be thinking of quitting your job and starting a new life. You might have taken to slow travels, primed by too many Instagram influencer pictures, or you might be taking a second look at the relationships in your life.

Or, you might be thinking of what it would cost you to leave your obsession with work and build meaningful relationships.

I looked around me and the stories are different but similar. There is a man earning so much but is going broke because he is in the middle of a divorce, and it is so expensive sometimes it takes years to resolve —especially if you go through the less expensive mediation route.

There is a single woman inundated by the cost of childcare, and I do not mean that as a matter of choice.

There is a trailing husband. Trailing spouses. Someone looking for other ways to show their validity as a husband besides being able to keep a 9-5.

Then there is this man. This woman burning at this dream job which is coming at a cost. At first, the cost seems reasonable, then it starts asking for as much as you want to give it, and because you never really realise how much you are giving it, you get used to the addiction of its validations.

I have always wanted to ask why the love life of many in this city sucks so much. There are many people out there who will say this is total gibberish. you need a one-night stand, there is Pacquis, you need a few weeks stand, there is Bumble. You need someone for the summer, there are lots of goings and comings in this town. You need a social love? It’s everywhere.

But where do you go when you need something more permanent? This is something you should say with a hush. This is not a city of permanence. Permanence? To say the truth, I don't know how to write about this topic. I know, however, and I have asked others, I am not the only one, but even, let’s say, I am the only one, it would still be valid, I know there are a lot of people here who seek some permanence and have no idea where to get that from for their love lives.

So here is my first analysis, and I might be wrong by the time summer is over, and I have written myself out of ink on this topic. Geneva expats don't have a love life. It does not exist.

This first diagnosis is of course, false. I've seen happy couples and lasting partnerships. But I have long left the assembly of the crowd who generalise exceptional cases. Am I saying finding partnerships in this town, a lasting one, is a rare find? Yes.

And here is my first thought about it. If you have left home and all the pleasures of it to pursue a dream career in a faraway place you cannot afford to call home, you should at least be able to find a home in another person's heart. But you cannot make homes in places that have never left any traces of a nest and have no interest in building one. The bulk of the walking souls in this street are built with a straying heart. And if your heart is searching for permanence, you will not find it in the makeshift one-nigh-standers or seasonal lovers.

What do I mean by straying hearts? In this town, people can't stop thinking about how to keep their jobs. ?People do not have the time or the headspace to think of anything else but the job. The boss is demanding some results. You need to show how hardworking you are to get the next contract. You can't lose guard. The next time you open your wallet and bring out your permit (CdL), it's threatening you that you've got 2 weeks to stay in this town if you lose your job. You do not need any motivation to work harder, stay up late and court the love of the supervisor you'd fire if you were the boss. And in all of the impermanence that surrounds you. If you allow it, if you let it and give it a name such as “pursuing my ambition”, you are going to end up with a lot of regrets. I know, to a certain extent the cost of ambition and I know giving my whole life to such pursuit is not one of them.

I do not care about love trends. I have never. Someone may say a lonely heart and a straying one can learn to build. That is the mistake of many men who had ended up in their graves with broken hearts — and I am not saying our hearts will be intact when we are nearing our graves or right inside of them. The job alone is enough to shatter your heart. I am saying, if we dare, like Thoreau said, to not live a life of quiet desperation. To not settle for strays. If we try, and we are not trying, to find something that is true to the condition of our heart, we would have tried. Not be part of the casualties of this trend.

I am saying, if we dare, like Thoreau said, to not live a life of quiet desperation. To not settle for strays. If we try, and we are not trying enough, to find something that is true to the condition of our heart, we would have tried. Not be part of the casualties of this trend.

If you are a young person like me reading this, I am not sure what the love trend in your city looks like for you, especially as a perching expat (hopefully you are not) and if you have given it a thought and dared to dream of having all you could have from life regardless of your working permit.

?I think of it all the time, and I stopped being afraid to dare to have it.

If you feel like I am writing about your life, I am sorry I didn't intend to (in Uzoamaka's words). It is just that roads lead to roads and our experiences cross path. But if you are here in Switzerland and are looking to meet Christian singles searching for some permanence too, Michelle Yeboah, my very insightful friend and sister started Grace Match a while ago curating series of events that connect Christian singles in Switzerland. I could have found the bone of my bones by now. I am so sure he was there in the last event that was held on Thursday, but I was busy having a Lagos summer. Check Gracematch out here

Sincerely,

A fellow path navigator in this journey.