Generously Listening: How Listening to Understand, Learn, and Change Can Make all the Difference

GET A NEW ADDITION EACH WEEK - SUBSCRIBE HERE

Follow me on LinkedIn

Key Takeaways Up Front:

Whether personally or professionally, learning and utilizing the three listening powers will:

? Be the difference between conflict and collaboration both at work and home.

? Lead to positive communication and trust that opens the door to getting things done faster and more effectively.

? Be the catalyst for deeper, richer, relationships that open the doors for greater personal and professional opportunities.

? Be the catalyst for personal and professional growth, well-being, and happiness.

Questions to Ponder:

1. What did I learn from this newsletter?
2. How does it apply to me?
3. What am I going to do to apply what I've learned.

Several years ago I had the wonderful opportunity to visit a new friend, Christopher M. Jones , at his office in Utah where he and several other good men and women were busily working to get a new startup off the ground.

I had the opportunity to sit in on several meetings and observe as they strategized and planned. To be honest, I remember next to nothing about what was discussed in those meetings. However, a few things still stand out to me to this day.

First, I remember how it felt in those meetings. No one there was perfect, to be sure, and a "kumbaya" feeling didn't prevail the entire time, but there was an overall feeling of camaraderie, caring and openness. Each person had the opportunity to speak and share their ideas. They even asked me for my thoughts and input though I wasn't part of the organization.

Second, and this is what I remember the most, is how Chris, CEO, and leader of the discussions, after listening to each person, and ensuring he understood what they were expressing and what they thought, asked each one if they felt heard. If they didn't, he continued asking questions until they could say that they did feel heard. He even asked me if I felt heard after giving my input. It was amazing to see and feel the respect that Chris had for each person, and the respect they, in turn, had for him. It gave me great respect for him. That respect created a trust among the team members that enabled them to do exactly what Stephen M. R. Covey describes in his amazing book, The Speed of Trust -- get things done at a much faster rate.

I learned valuable lesson that day that led to me ponder what I call "The Three Powers of Listening," that are vital to the success of leaders at any level, and to each of us personally.

• Listen to with the intent to understand
• Listen to with the intent to learn
• Listen to with the intent change

LISTEN WITH THE INTENT TO UNDERSTAND

The first learning power is listening with the intent to understand.

In his highly successful book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey taught, "First seek to understand then to be understood." What does that mean? It means going into any discussion with the intention of seeking to understand what the other party is saying and ensuring that they feel heard, understood, valued, and appreciated.

As I sat in the meetings with Chris's team, I saw this principle in repeatedly. Chris introduced an idea, asked some open-ended questions, and then opened the floor to the team to allow them to share their thoughts and ideas on whatever the matter was. He and team members that weren't speaking listened with the intent to understand as each team member shared their thoughts. How do I know? Because Chris and other team members who weren't sharing their ideas, repeated what they'd heard to ensure they understood what was being asked and to ensure that each person felt heard. They went out of their way to ensure that there we no miscommunications, no misunderstandings.

One other thing that bears mentioning is that before the meeting started, they put away their phones and everyone except for the executive assistant who was taking notes, shut down their laptops. They wanted to ensure there were no distractions from their conversation.

Here is a pattern that every leader, and everyone in a conversation for that matter, can follow to enable listening to understand.

• Put away technology or anything else that can distract from the conversation.
• Ask open-ended questions to facilitate open communication, provoke thoughtful introspection, and act as a catalyst for finding solutions.
• Repeat what someone has said to ensure that was expressed was understood in the way it was intended.

LISTEN TO LEARN

The second listening power is listening to learn.

It was my privilege a few years ago to work with a wonderful man, Doug Krsek, MBA . He was my director. Doug is a big man, and pretty reserved. When I first went to work with him, I have to admit, I was intimidated. However, I soon got over that as I began to interact with him and come to understand that he was a man with generous heart and, like Chris, knew how to listen and share in a way that opened hearts and minds.

I remember my first meeting with Doug as a reporting manger. I remember going into that meeting nervous, not sure what to expect. What happened impacted me then and impacts me now.

Doug asked me open-ended questions, allowed me to express my thoughts and ideas. I knew he was really listening because he repeated what I said to ensure he understood. My confidence and trust in him grew as the meeting progressed because I could feel that he cared.

It grew even more, however, when he asked me what I could share with him to help him be a better director. In other words, he wanted to listen to and learn from me. I'd never, and this is sad to say, had a manager or director ask me that question before. At first, I was dumbfounded. I wasn't sure what to say. Then a few thoughts and ideas came and he listened and repeated to ensure he understood. He also expressed appreciation.

We ended up having a great conversation, and I learned a ton from him as he shared various books he'd read and recommended them and I shared books I'd read and recommended them to him. We both learned from each other. I had that experience every time I met with Doug and looked eagerly forward to each meeting.

I left that organization after a year and Doug left a couple of years later. However, to this day we stay in touch because of the friendship formed through generously listening to understand and to learn.

Here's the pattern I learned from Doug:

• Ask people what they would like to teach you about how to be a better leader or person.
• Listen with the intent to learn. Keep an open mind to what they have to say and be willing to consider things you may not have considered before.
• Listen with the intent to understand.

LISTEN TO CHANGE

A few years ago I heard a talk in which the speaker stated, "Listen to your wife. Her input will improve your output." It really struck me, and stayed with me. I've always tried to listen to my wife and get her input, but since then, my efforts to do so have intensified. This led to many opportunities for me to listen to her and change, either my way of thinking about something or my way of doing something.

For example, she helped me realize how some of the communication approaches I was using with a particular daughter weren't helping and suggested a different approach. I followed her advice and my relationship with that daughter greatly improved.

That's just one example among many.

I've had that same experience with colleagues at work.

I remember being in a meeting with thirty or more information security officers. There were people there from multiple agencies and the discussion topics were somewhat controversial and could lead to some passionate, if not heated, discussion. That proved to be true and there were several times I wanted to speak up, but my more seasoned manager, kept putting a hand on my arm to stop me. He then leaned over and whispered, "sit back for a while, listen, to what others have to say, weigh it out in your mind, then speak up with your thoughts." Though feeling impatient, I waited and listened.

Then, after nearly everyone had spoken, including me, my manger raised his hand and was given the opportunity to speak. He then repeated the ideas and thoughts others had shared and asked something like, "which of all these suggestions is the most practical, makes the most sense, and is easiest to implement?" He then shared what he, in his experience of more than thirty years in the information security world, had encountered previously and what he thought would be the best solution. His willingness to wait, and then speak from a more informed position based on what had already been discussed, opened the door of opportunity for people to listen to change. Because he had a reputation for speaking up only after carefully listening, and for speaking wisdom, when he spoke people listened. In most cases, they not only listened to hear, but they listened with the intent to change because he had earned the reputation of sharing input that regularly improved outputs.

Here the pattern I've learned from my wife and boss:

• Listen to with a mind and heart, not only seeking to understand and learn, but also with a willingness to change if needed.
• Listening to wise inputs from others will help us change and have better outputs.

CONCLUSION

I am confident that as you and I do strive to adopt and use the three listening powers, both in business and in life, it will make all the difference for good.

• They can be the difference between conflict and collaboration both at work and home.
• They can lead to positive communication and trust that opens the door to getting things done faster and more effectively.
• They can be the catalyst for deeper, richer, relationships that open the doors for greater personal and professional opportunities.
• They can be the catalyst for personal and professional growth, well-being, and happiness.

Until next week. Remember to embrace kindness - it does everybody good!

THIS WRITING FOR THIS ARTICLE IS 100% HUMAN GENERATED.

About Randy

Randall McNeely is a passionate advocate for kindness and the transformative power it can have in our lives.

He is the author of multiple books including The Kindness Givers' Formula 2.0: A 5-Step Guide to Reaching Hearts, Inspiring Change, and Healing the World Through Love, and The Kindness Library Volume 1: Inspiring True Stories of the Transformative Power of Kindness.

Randy speaks about and teaches how to lead with kindness to bring out the best in others and get fantastic results.

Reach out today with a direct message to book Randy for your next event.

Sponsored by -

The Kindness Shop

Kindness Worldwide

Stop by their website to find out how you can help your city can establish World Kindness Week and become a City of Kindness