Generosity Isn’t Just About Giving

Generosity is one of the most effective (and sometimes overlooked) networking tools out there.

Believe it or not, it’s not just about giving.?

Generosity is a strategic approach that helps build social capital, fosters trust, and helps forge meaningful connections.

Let’s look at it from a broader perspective:

If you go back millions of years, there were a dozen or so human species roaming the Earth.

But today there’s only one left – homo sapiens.?

Us.?

Now, one of the reasons we survived (and essentially killed off our human cousins) is because we developed advanced linguistic abilities and communication skills.?

This led to collaboration, or what archaeologists call “prosocial behavior.”

Helping other people is literally wired into our DNA through evolution.

But, so is competing for limited resources and maximizing your own self-interest…

So how do we reconcile those two opposing forces?

This is where the “Social Capital” theory comes in — an idea that sits between sociology and economics:

The sociological end of the spectrum is prosocial: “How do I help others?”

On the economic end is self-interest: “How do I benefit myself?”

And social capital is right in the middle.

The theory says that social relationships are resources that lead to the development of human capital.

Social capital is built through shared values, positive interactions, and social connections.?

Think of it as accumulated goodwill that you build up with other people, and it grows across your network.

The catch to each side of the spectrum is:

If you’re too transactional, you’re not building social capital.

And if you’re too prosocial, you’re building it, but not in a way that can help you.

But if we balance the two and we selectively help others, then in doing so we can also help ourselves.

So how does helping others help us?

Here’s three very different perspectives from three different writers on the topic:

Robert Cialdini, often called “the godfather of influence,” coined the term “reciprocity effect.”

It says that when you do something good for someone, they’ll feel compelled to do something good for you. Maybe not immediately, but generosity often leads to reciprocated favors in the future.

One of the key writers on happiness, Arthur Brooks, found in his research that generosity has a direct positive influence on mental health and happiness. Being of service is one of the handful of key habits you need for long term life satisfaction.?

Adam Grant’s idea, in my opinion, is the most interesting and relevant to day-to-day networking.?

In his book Give and Take, he describes three personas:

Givers – help others only when the benefit of the other person is higher than their own personal cost of helping.?

Matchers – keep score and try to match their giving and receiving.

Takers – only help when they get more out of it than it costs them.

Takers have a tendency to ask more than they offer, and so they tend to get results in the short run, but in the long run they disappoint & burn through people consistently and have to replenish their network. Not a good strategy.

Matchers are constantly keeping score, which is tiring, so their networks tend to be smaller.

Think about which one you are in your daily interactions.?

Is it the same when you network?

Grant’s big takeaway is this:

Not all Givers pull out ahead. The selfless ones struggle because they aren’t strategic about who they give to, how much, and in what ways.

Discerning givers who balance generosity with boundaries and look for “win win” opportunities are the most successful in business and in personal goals.?

So, how do we put generosity into practice?

And how do we ensure that we’re prioritizing being a giver, while not giving to the point of being taken advantage of?

Practical examples range from simple acts like thank you notes or buying someone a drink to more involved support like promoting events.

Now, imagine you’ve picked out a group of people worth investing your energy into.

Let’s just say they start out as strangers.

If you add in regular expressions of generosity, where you’re helping them in their life and their struggles and their goals…

Try to keep a cadence of getting in front of them every one to two months (at a minimum).

If you do this consistently over time, you’ll turn that group of strangers into what I call ambassadors.?

It takes time to turn strangers into ambassadors with generosity, and by being a giver.?

But, doing this will accrue you a significant amount of social capital.

These people will value you, trust you, and be grateful for everything you’ve done and continue to do for them.?

You’ll be surprised how many unexpected doors this method will open for you.

And it will bring significant value not just to your networking relationships, but also your life.

Warmly,

Keith

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