Generations and Genetics

"???? ???????? ??? ???? ??????????? ?????? ???? ??????????? ??????? ???? ???? ???? ???????? ??? ???? ?????? ???????? ??? ??????????? ??? ?????? ????????? ?????? ???????? ????????? ???????? ??????????? ???????? ?'?? ???????? ????? ?????????? ???????? ???? ???????? ????? ???? ????? ?????????, ??? ???? ???? ???????????? ???? ????? ?????????"

- ??????? ????????

There is no definitive answer regarding whether ADHD is attributed more to genetics or environment. I personally do not see how it is not both.

Especially when discussing Neuro-Distinct conditions. If you get someone sharing stories about their ADHD, chances are they're going to tell you about one of their parents who, diagnosed or otherwise, definitely had it, or displayed all the symptoms.

This is one such story.

I have devoted a large part of my personality and life with the narrative that I may look like my father (I did) I had my mother's personality. To some extent that is very true, though as it relates to predisposition towards ADHD, I was definitely my fathers son.

You will notice I am speaking about him in the past tense. He passed away after a brief and harsh battle with cancer in 2008. Our relationship was complex at times, and when he passed away, I became angry. More than anything, I finally was at a point where he and I could really view each other as adults, and friends. Then cancer ripped that away, as it so cruelly does to too many people we know and love.

But don't worry, I'm not going to double this post as a retrospective on my grief from 15 years ago. I did want to set the stage as much of this is about this larger-than-life figure and influence.

Have I done a post yet about ADHDers and over-explaining? That will be coming up. But back to Bob (his name was Bob).

"Of course, Bob had ADHD!" An answer given by pretty much anyone who knew my dad, and the subject of his "larger than life behavior" at times.

But let me set the record straight. This is not a tale of a sad or angry person, and the only person in my life I know to have a standing-room only funeral. If I can have a fraction of the positive impact he had on people, I will be happy.

I recall a brief speech spoken by a surly pharmacy adminstrator. One of the hospitals my father managed had a memorial service following his death. It was here the pharmacist colleauge spoke.

Choking back tears, he spoke of my father being "the only person he worked with capable of decency." It had a profound impact on me, as I'm sure it did for the 50 or so co-workers the pharmacist spoke those words in front of.

I believe it is ADHD that made him such a ridiculously ridiculous hilarious juvenile embarrassingly cool, but incredibly embarrassing, father.

He may have been the first person to be "escorted" out of Disney World for having a cell phone that, in 1987, looked too much like a bomb for Disney security. He and my sister share the distinction of <I think>the only father/daughter duo to be suspended from a Massachusetts Youth Soccer Association game. No, he was neither a coach, nor official.

These are the stories I can share. Others are equally outrageous and/or hilarious, but not for these pages.

Then there are other stories that, well, I would rather not.

Not because there are things I'm continuously learning, and processing, and understanding, and processing, things about my family and upbringing.

I am. And for many ADHD or Neuro-Distinct, bringing family into this ecosystem can be an allyship and anchor that is a literal lifeline.

It can also be, well, not that. And 'that' is uncomfortable, and as I think about it more sorrowful in a sense.

My mother, sister and I will often lightheartedly comment on what 'Bobs' reaction to 2023 would be. I like to think, no, hope that the recognition of his children's self-awareness to look inward and seek help, would perhaps influence his own need for reflection. Right, don't we all wish that of us and our parents when we're adults?

Many who knew my dad said the same thing. We ALL said the same things.

"He DEFINITELY had ADHD!"

I said it before my own diagnosis, when my own perception was far less informed. I say it now, diagnosed myself and thoroughly informed.

Which is why it does make me a bit sad. As I said, my relationship with my father was complicated, and knowing much of our clashes came from one or both of us in overly emotional states, and the constant fear I believe he lived in. Of failure (which he was not). Of not providing (he did). Of not being there (He was when he could-- he had a work ethic and dedication my sister and I are told we both possess, but we both question whether we could reach my father's level of passion.

I just wish he could have truly enjoyed it more, and stopped and appreciated what was around him, that he had provided.

I wish I had more time with him. I wish I had known him better.

I wish he got to read these posts, because I do know he would read every one.

But unilaterally-- my wife, my sister, my mother, in-laws, cousins etc.

We all agree. It is a good thing he never got his hands on Tik-Tok.

#ADHDInheritance, #ADHDParents, #ADHDMoments, #ADHDDad