Generational realizations

My father was the most incredible Dad. Ever. He was incredibly loving, proud of his family, #girldadallday. He was intensely hard working, honest, humble and professionally loyal to a fault.?

The professionally loyal piece? Well, that Is something I am currently unpacking. I didn’t realize how much of that had influenced my life and the career decisions that I made until my forties.

Let me explain…?No, there is too much. Let me sum up?(bonus points if you caught that reference?).

We were poor growing up. I didn’t realize how poor until years later when I saw how different my life was from those of my friends. We had a roof over our heads, food to eat.. usually, and random amazing day trips to the beach for surfing with PB&J sandwiches. I saw my Dad leave for work every single day and most times on his bike. Since we shared a car with 4 people, he usually opted for his bike and he truly loved the ride down Bayshore Blvd in Tampa to the building he managed.?

He went to work every. single. day. I honestly cannot remember any day that my father didn’t go to work when he was scheduled. If it was raining, there was a hurricane, he was sick…it didn’t matter. He was there. It was the cause of a lot of arguments between my parents. He worked as a building manager for the same company, in the same position (and only position) for his entire adult life. I knew he didn’t like his job, but he did like the people he worked with. He used to talk about trying something different, and as his reputation for being an incredible worker and building manager grew, multiple offers came from all over the state. They would have brought him closer to the ocean he loved so much, and paid him significantly more money. He never took them. He stayed working in that same job until the day he was hit by a car, riding his bike on Bayshore Blvd on his way to work.

After losing my Dad, there was SO MUCH emotional pain and trauma, and I packed it away only to start to unwind it.

I did not realize how much my father’s own view of his worth and his relationship to work became imprinted on me.?

His pain and lack of professional confidence.

His embarrassment for not having a college degree.?

His thoughts that he didn’t deserve anything outside of the role his mother, my grandmother, secured for him when my parents found out they were expecting my older sister.

I carried all of that and thought that’s just how it was. You got a job, and you stayed. Period. No matter what other offers came your way, you stayed loyal. No matter how much money you didn’t have and needed, you stayed loyal.

I lived that professionally - and quite happily - for at least 14 1/2 years out of the 16 I spent with my last employer. There’s literally nothing that anyone could have done or said to convince me to leave. Loyal to a fault, mostly to my incredible team and employees, but certainly to the company that took a chance on a hot mess of a single mom in her twenties who just wanted a chance to prove she was more than her background:

A teen mom and abuse survivor who briefly lived out of her car.?

When I got the role I worked harder than I ever had in my entire life, because I believed in what we were doing. It was an incredible team, and it was then that I begin to realize that contact centers and customer support could be more than just a job, it could be a career. I certainly built one. I worked my way up from an entry-level team lead role to a Senior Director of Operations.?

When things started to get rough in the last couple of years, I just dug in,?that’s what good employees do. When I had three bosses in the same year, I dug in and stayed and helped because?that’s what good employees do. When I got sick because of all the stress, and started to fail in my most important role as a mother and a spouse, I stayed,?because that’s what good employees do.?

It literally took a doctor that I respected very much holding me by the shoulders and looking me right in the eyes asking, “Is your life worth this?,” for me to accept that maybe it wasn’t. Maybe being a good employee and staying no matter what isn’t the answer. Maybe being loyal to a fault just because a company took a chance on you over a decade ago, isn’t a reason to stay. Maybe all of the fear and doubt I carried with me was no longer valid and I needed to understand why I was constantly second-guessing myself and how impactful impostor syndrome can be in one’s life.?

During one of these points of self reflection, and a particularly horrific day at work, I came home to an email from a different company. And while hundreds of times before those were immediately deleted, there was something different about this outreach. It was personal, well written, and from a recruiter that had clearly taken the time to review my background before reaching out. I took a deep breath, and I responded.?

Now a little over a year later, I am elated to say that I am in the most happy professional space that I have ever existed within. My current company is showing me how to truly make a difference in this world, and how the skills that I have acquired in the last 20+ years made me a perfect fit. It’s still crazy and busy and stressful at times, but nothing like I experienced prior.?

But, the most rewarding thing? The whole reason for this super lengthy post? It’s seeing that my children have now done the same.?

They were both in roles that their hearts weren’t in, but they were loyal, and stayed,?because that’s what you do.?

Until you don’t.?

It seems that when they saw my move, it subconsciously gave them permission to spread their wings. They are now both working for companies that value and respect them as individuals, allow them to grow and learn, and really feel like they are also making a difference in the work that they do every day, which is really what we all want isn’t it?

Here is my final thought:?

People will always tell you that if “you love what you do, you won’t work a day in your life.” I heard that for years and rolled my eyes. I had bills, I had children, no degree, and was so afraid. Until I took a chance, and decided to believe in myself in the same way that so many people did over the years that helped and supported my growth into the individual and professional that I am today.

Read that recruiter’s email. Apply for the dream role even if you don’t have every single qualification they are asking for in the req. Life is shorter than you will ever realize and your health and happiness is totally worth it.?

You might even set an example for someone else to follow.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. And Dad? I love you 5.??