Gender Equality at Home

Majority of working mothers today assume close to full responsibility for their children starting from what are they going to eat for dinner, what food will they take to school, what groceries are running out, whether they have completed their homework, how well are they doing at school, how ready they are for their next school assessment, attending parents meetings, receiving all school’s communications, taking them to their sports classes, doctors’ appointments, and the tiniest details of planning for playdates, a themed birthday party, arranging for a cute costume for them to wear at a school special event or even how to style their hair for the school annual picture this year. It is also likely that women would assume more responsibility of care for their elderly relatives than men.

Women get mentally and physically exhausted and overwhelmed every day with the amount of things they are taking on their shoulders. This means that no matter how laws change to improve gender equality in the workplace and no matter how companies put policies in place to ensure women are treated equality, inequality at home will continue to prevent working mothers from focusing on and advancing in their careers as much as men do.[1]

This gender inequality at home and its dramatic effect on women has been amplified amid the pandemic. The additional workload brought by Covid-19 is still mostly falling on women's shoulders. It is estimated that working moms are now spending 15 more hours per week than working dads on child care and household chores. Without normal school schedules to rely upon and a lack of affordable childcare options, women may be burning out or sacrificing their careers altogether – even if their jobs could have been performed remotely.?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg meant a lot to me and is a source of inspiration because of what she did to further gender equality. One of my favorite quotes of her reflecting the importance of equality at home is “Women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation.”

While Ginsburg's career journey is extraordinary, there is a lot to learn from her personal life as well. She once told a story that every time her young child got into trouble at school, the school would call her and not the father. One day when the phone rang with a report of another incident, Ginsburg said, “This child has two parents. Please alternate calls. And it’s his father’s turn.” What happened next is interesting. Since then the school stopped calling frequently, not because her son stopped getting in trouble, but the school suddenly realized they could handle the situation without parental involvement because apparently, this was not worth interrupting a man’s day. This story clearly illustrates how the society perceives the value of men’s time vs. women’s time.

This predominant culture of inequality at home cannot be fixed by law or by corporate policies but can gradually happen when more women insist and demand that fathers become more involved in their children’s day-to-day life and to develop deeper connection to the lives of their families. This will not only benefit women, but will benefit the children and the society as a whole.

It is normal to see mothers take care of their kids, but when we see a dad at the park with his child, we find this to be so impressive. We need to stop being impressed, we need to stop the praise when we see fathers taking their fair share of parenting responsibilities.

I hope I will live the day where all young women who want to pursue their career don't feel pressured to settle to get married or to become mothers. I hope one day the society will stop feeding this false idea of "you can’t have it all” and that it is either your career "OR" your family. I hope that no woman has to make that choice because this is never a choice for a man. I hope I will stop hearing women advising other women “if you can afford it, leave your work and stay with your kids” because rarely would a man be advised to do the same.

This is NOT to say that women need to put their career before their family, but to say that family should come first for both men and women equally. It is striking that in any conference or panel discussion, the women on the panel will almost always receive the same cliché question around work-life balance, and that rarely this question is ever directed to a man. Don't men have life outside of work too?

This is also NOT to undermine the growing percentage of fathers who are devoted to their families and are willing to cut down their working hours to take a bigger role in bringing up their children. However, there is a social stigma attached to those fathers who assume childcare responsibilities, and in some cultures they are often even used as a joke material. These jokes are just not funny and need to stop.

I consider myself lucky to have a partner who thinks that my work is as important as his and who always pushed me forward to be anything and anywhere I want to be. We both have fulfilling careers and both contribute equally to the bringing up of our children. We have both worked hard to make this work for our family. The reason this has been working out for us is because none of us has ever been selfish, this was never a competition of who is doing better in their career, and our focus has always been what is better for our family, because for both of us - family comes first.

Happy International Women’s Day!

[1] I recognize the gender equality issues facing single women in the workplace but this is beyond the scope of this article.