The Gender Bias in Family Court, A Call for Equal Treatment of Men and Women

Family court is meant to be a place where the best interests of children are prioritized. However, in practice, family court is often skewed in favor of one parent over the other, especially when it comes to gender. Men are frequently mistreated, facing harsher consequences for similar actions, less financial support, and continued legal harassment in ways that women are not. This gender bias is pervasive and deeply entrenched in how family law is applied.

The Inequity of Child Support

One of the clearest examples of this disparity is in child support. Data from the U.S. Census Bureau highlights a stark difference between what custodial fathers and custodial mothers receive in child support payments. Fathers who have primary or equal custody often receive significantly less financial support than mothers in comparable situations. While 29% of custodial mothers receive child support, only 5% of custodial fathers do. Even when fathers are awarded child support, they typically receive less than half of what mothers are awarded, despite having similar or even higher percentages of custody.

In my own experience, I have 90% custody of my child, and yet my ex is only required to pay less than $100 a month in child support. This is a far cry from what most women in my situation would receive. For comparison, many women who have 90% custody often receive five times that amount or more. This discrepancy highlights a systemic bias against men in the family court system, where women are seen as the default caregivers and, therefore, more deserving of financial support.

Sources indicate that men who fail to pay child support face immediate and severe penalties, such as having their licenses revoked, wages garnished, or even being jailed. The 'deadbeat dad' label is frequently used to publicly shame men who miss payments, but there is no equivalent 'deadbeat mom' narrative for women who fail to pay child support. Women are less likely to face such punitive measures, even though they are statistically less likely to make their payments.

Gendered Consequences of Non-Payment

The National Parents Organization has published numerous reports that show men are far more likely to face penalties for failing to pay child support than women. This discrepancy persists even though many non-custodial fathers are struggling financially or dealing with job instability. The legal system is quick to label them as 'deadbeat dads,' placing them on public registries and threatening jail time if they don’t comply with court-ordered payments.

For women, however, these penalties are often not enforced as strictly. Studies have shown that women are less likely to be pursued aggressively for unpaid child support. This creates an unequal playing field where men, regardless of their circumstances, are held to a higher financial standard, while women are afforded more leniency.

Domestic Violence: The Invisible Male Victim

The biases in family court also extend to cases involving domestic violence. It’s well known that domestic violence programs are overwhelmingly designed to help women, but men who are victims of domestic violence face significant challenges in being recognized and supported. For men, there is a societal stigma that prevents many from coming forward, and those who do are often met with disbelief or outright dismissal.

In my case, I was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of my ex. Yet, despite this, I have had to continually defend myself in court as if I were the aggressor, even though it was already settled after a 2.5-year trial when it was determined I was the victim of Domestic violence. The court system allows my ex to repeatedly take me to court, draining my finances and emotionally exhausting me. If the roles were reversed if I were the one dragging her into court after being found guilty of domestic violence this would be labeled as continued harassment. Yet, because I am a man, the courts are more lenient toward her.

This double standard is not unique to my case. In family court, women can easily claim fear or perceived danger, and their words are often taken at face value. When men express fear or raise concerns about their safety, their claims are met with skepticism or worse, indifference. This discrepancy reinforces the idea that men cannot be victims of domestic violence, making it harder for them to access the same protections and resources that are readily available to women.

A Tragic Example: The Newborn Baby and the Rats

One particularly harrowing case exemplifies the biases present in the legal system. In Arkansas, a father received a 16-year prison sentence after his newborn baby was attacked and severely injured by rats in their home. The mother, who was present in the house in the bed next to the baby and just as responsible for the child's welfare, was sentenced to only a few months in jail. Despite her role in the incident, she was released and is now the primary caregiver for the child, while the father remains imprisoned.

This case starkly illustrates how differently men and women are treated under the law, even when both are equally culpable. The disparity in sentencing sends a clear message: women are often given more lenient sentences in cases involving child neglect or abuse, while men are treated more harshly. The imbalance in this case is glaring both parents failed in their duty to protect their child, yet only the father faces a long-term prison sentence.

The Financial Toll of Legal Harassment

Another significant issue in family court is the financial toll of ongoing legal battles. In my case, my ex has taken me to court repeatedly, hiring lawyer after lawyer (on the 4th one) to drain my finances. This would not happen if I were a woman. In cases where women are the victims of domestic violence, repeated legal action is often seen as a form of continued abuse, and the courts act to protect them from this harassment. But as a man, I am forced to continually defend myself against baseless accusations, even after the domestic violence case was settled in my favor.

This is a common tactic in family court, using the legal system as a weapon to financially ruin the other party. For men, especially those who are victims of domestic violence, this can be particularly damaging. The court system, by allowing these cases to continue without merit, is complicit in this financial abuse. If the system were truly about protecting families, these kinds of frivolous and repeated court cases would not be allowed.

A Call for Reform

Family court should be about the child, not about punishing one parent more than the other based on outdated gender norms. The system needs to recognize that both men and women can be good parents, and both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. It should not be about who can earn more or who has more access to legal resources, but about creating a fair and supportive environment for both parents to co-parent effectively.

Programs like the Domestic Violence Protection Program need to be updated to be gender-neutral, offering support to male victims as well as female victims. Child support enforcement should be applied equally to both parents, with the same consequences for non-payment, regardless of gender. And courts should stop allowing the legal system to be used as a tool for financial abuse.

Family court is about family. It’s not about men versus women, and it’s not about who earns more or less. The only focus should be on the child and ensuring that both parents are treated fairly and equally. Until these biases are addressed, men will continue to be at a disadvantage in family court, and the children at the center of these cases will continue to suffer.

Sources

1. U.S. Census Bureau, Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support, 2020.
2. National Parents Organization, "Shared Parenting Report Card," 2020.
3. Institute for Family Studies, "Why Men Are Penalized More for Child Support," 2019.
4. National Coalition for Men, "The Gender Bias in Domestic Violence Law," 2018.
5. Johnson, K. (2018, April 12). "Arkansas Father Sentenced to 16 Years After Newborn Chewed by Rats, Mother Gets Months." ABC News.