GAY PRIDE BEFORE THE FALL! - THE HORRIFYING BLOOD-CURDLING TALE OF PREMIER LEO'S DESPERATE UNSUCCESSFUL QUEST FOR AN IRISH PASSPORT!

The Heavens had opened. Justinian who applied with absolute knowledge and precision all the provisions of both the Imperial Constitution of Byzantium and the 1937 Constitution of Ireland had just said “Let the Heavens rue until Justice is done” and added “If those horrible murderous abortionists feel free and entitled under the Constitution of Ireland and the Eighth Amendment to the Constitution to murder entire Nations and generations of unborn babies, they can run for it even if Noah’s flood is coming down upon them. Byzantium’s finest, most ruthless handpicked praetorians, in truth battle-hardened assassins, will be in immediate hot pursuit, swords drawn, with instructions not to rest until they have drawn blood. That is what God and the sovereign Lords of Byzantium call and consider appropriate Justice for those renegades and cowards who would murder little babies sleeping in their mother’s wombs! My men have instructions to dispose of, or in a language which the abortionists might understand “terminate” all the Fine Gael political vermin involved and then to work their way around the Chamber of the Irish Parliament, disposing of Soldiers of destiny, assorted terrorists and “liberal” independents until they reach that fat, unreliable fool, Sean sitting in and dishonouring the Speaker’s Chair and office. I was talking, only the other night, to Richard Lion Heart. What he told me might be of interest to the Irish Supreme Court, specially the murderous self-satisfied judges who unanimously decided the infamous King Herod’s case in which they granted to themselves power of life and death over unborn infants even as they sipped heavily spiced wine and danced the Dance of the Seven Veils with the murderous incestuous Salome in the back-snug of a Limerick bar. As God and Byzantium are my witness, King Richard reminded me that in 1315, the year of his coronation, he passed a Statute and royal Edict prohibiting and outlawing abortion for ever. There was only one penalty provided for infringing that Statute and that was Death! Interestingly the great Crusader pointed out that that Statute was still in force in both England and Ireland to this day. The King was very surprised to hear that the Supreme Court had not made any reference to this important legislation in their unanimous judgment in King Herod. The King was even more surprised to find out that not a single judge of the Irish Supreme Court had either read, much less bothered to read, the first line of the Constitution of Ireland 1937, the one that says “The people of Ireland hereby adopt and enact for themselves this Constitution in the Name of the Most Holy Trinity”. Let me assure you dear judges and Premier Leo, that the Most Holy Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, Our Saviour, Redeemer, Eternal King and Judge, and God the Holy spirit, never allowed, authorised or provided for abortion in any way or under any circumstance whatever. As you seem to be struggling with even the most basic principles of the Constitution and the Criminal Law, let me lend you a helping hand. When in doubt as to how to interpret the constitution of Ireland, the Eighth Amendment or Irish Criminal Law, just remember that God, the Most Holy Trinity, gave Moses His Sixth Commandment on the top of Mount Sinai, which stated very plainly and very simply “Thou shall NOT kill” – which means in the plainest of plain language “abortion is prohibited, outlawed, forbidden and totally out at all times, in all places and each and every circumstance”. In school we used add QED, which means “the proposition that was to be proven” but in these non-classical, ill-educated times, it might just be simpler to say, as the Americans do “Period!”.

But while this extremely important, not to say vital legal conversation and exchange was taking place, Leo I, reigning eunuch extraordinaire and titular Tarantula of Mumbai. was deep in conclave and consultation in his fortified concrete bunker in the basement of Charles J’s massive, opulent, extravagant and pretentious Government Buildings funded entirely at Commission expense which stand at the corner of the Square just opposite the birth-place of Field-Marshall, Sir Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington, best known and most famous for having defeated Napoleon and Jean Claude’s combined European Union army, drawn in those pre-BREXIT days from 27 different States and a veritable army of jurist-linguists at the Battle of Waterloo. The Iron Duke would later claim that his great victory and that of the Lion of Waterloo owed a great deal to British and Irish courage as well as superior strategy. French and Prussian historians attribute the disaster to Jean Claude opening and downing the best part of a bottle of Napoleon brandy before breakfast and to total Franco-Prussian inability to come up with or conclude anything resembling an honest Free Trade Agreement. Also the so-called “partners” were unable to decipher the punctuation marks, or understand even a single word of  European Union Data Protection Regulations or what purported to be yet another consensual, if immutable and very expensive, draft Withdrawal Agreement. The Roman Historian Tacitus used cite this fiasco as the first, but now aggravated, example of European Union Cyber-Security incompetence. The great Historian put the shambles down to a typical European power-grab under the dishonest cloak of a Customs Union regulatory alignment which somehow, they claimed, transcended and took precedence over the clearly defined and sharply delineated space which separated the two totally independent Sovereign States of Ireland and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. One thing was clear and absolutely certain, under the most basic but fundamental rules of International Law and the Charter of the United Nations, this invisible, transparent, non-existent frontier was most certainly and most definitely not a European Union frontier, because as Tacitus, who studied international Law at the Julius Caesar Academy of European and international relations in Bruges, has so often pointed out, the European Union does NOT have any borders or frontiers, much less sovereign borders or sovereign frontiers. I see Foreign Minister Simon and Impostor Chief Negotiator Michel that this is all news to you or since we are all good Europeans “double Dutch or French camembert!”. But all you need do is open a copy of my “International Law for the Intellectually-challenged” and read the first paragraph. You will find see that only Sovereign States have, and can have, international borders and sovereign frontiers. But I am not labouring the point, only lending a helpful hand. You see, Field-Marshall Ursula, the Commission Commander-in-Chief is dining at Dublin Castle tonight, the newly-restored Headquarters of Fine Gael’s elite and crack Black-and-Tan brigade. It will be a glorious occasion and the Field-Marshall will be kissed by Tarantula Leo and serenaded by a Gay Pride musical ensemble drawn from Commissioner “Pass-the-Haggis” Harris’ personal body-guard and orchestra. There is no doubt that BREXIT will be the topic and theme of the evening. My secret source, the coffee-lady in the Brussels canteen, told me that she heard Field-Marshall Ursula discuss the visit with a crack commando unit from her extremely muscular Treaty of Lisbon Division. I was delighted to hear that they were all wearing their special Michael Martin “You only vote twice” medals. But Ursula was straight down to business. “Why is that eejit (she has a gift for languages) holding his general election on a Saturday. It hasn’t been done in over 100 years and it immediately hauls Ireland straight back into the War of Independence and Black-and-Tan era. He won’t fool anybody by pretending that he’s doing it to help mothers and children. The key point of his obnoxious policies all along has been to give all Irish mothers cervical cancer and to murder or abort all remaining and surviving children. The problem with Leo is that he cannot work, out and neither can I, whether he fits in more naturally into the Black-and-Tans or the Hitler Youth!” At these stern words from Ursula, a man wearing a black beard and a dirty grey duffel coat popped up from behind the potted plants shouting “We haven’t gone away you know. We haven’t gone away!”. A slightly stout, but very forceful, lady screamed “Shut up, Gerry of Saint Adams, I am in charge now!”. The bearded man turned around and replied very wittily “Shut up yourself, if that is what you think!” Following this delightful repartee, Ursula resumed, saying “I am just going to tell them, they will believe anything “There is no such thing as a Hard BREXIT, a Soft BREXIT, a Good BREXIT, or a Bad BREXIT, there is only just one Berlin BREXIT. Europe’s military supremo drained her cup of coffee and placed it strategically on the table. “I think that just might work, provided I don’t have to kiss Leo, the giant killer spider, a second time!”

Maurice James, Barrister at Law, United Nations Counsel

TO BE Continued …