Gap Year: When The Bill Is Due

In August of 2018, I did that thing Millennials always talk about doing: I somewhat spontaneously quit my job and traveled. This was something I had wanted to do since I was a teenager. Some people were excited or happy for me. But, at almost 31 years old, there were some side eyes, and mild criticisms. It was generally viewed as reckless, irresponsible, and some quietly assumed it was in the realm of an early middle age crisis. To be honest, I was afraid they were right. However, deep down I only saw one thing: I will not regret this decision when I’m 70, and this is my last chance. Dreaming something, and following through on it is scary because you're vulnerable to failure, and exposed to seasons of frustration. However, when it's done, it also offers you not just a feeling of confidence, and fulfillment, but a sense of competence. This single decision became invaluable to many successes I’ve had professionally since I returned.?

The journey of a solo traveler or backpacker is not glamorous despite what social media influencers might portray in their posts. It is not all mai tai's, parties in Ibiza, and exotic hot springs. In fact, I never did any of those things, and I was challenged almost non-stop at times. From failed attempts at planning effectively, managing my mental health in the midst of isolation and sleeplessness, learning how to haggle and negotiate, being stranded without a phone, food, water, or money, to climbing ropes and ladders up a waterfall in the Middle East, and getting knocked down repeatedly. It was an incredibly imperfect experience like anything in life. But, I did learn to be more:

1. Resourceful: If you want something, how much are you willing to sacrifice to get it, and what price is too high for the other things you want? Unless you’re singularly focused, you have to know your top price, and cut losses when necessary. Hint: It’s okay when you do.
2. Goal oriented: If you ARE singularly focused, the price is everything you have upfront. Don’t get sticker shock when the bill is due. Remember, it’s what you want.
3. Tenacious: Sometimes it really is all up to you. You will struggle, and no one will be around to help. Keep doing it, you will become independent.
4. Helpful: If you see someone else struggling, remember the time you didn’t have any help. Yes, you became independent. But, kindness doesn’t stop mattering.
5. Decisive: If you’re stuck, stranded, and not able to move forward, is it a matter of being creative, or doing what you don’t want to do? Don’t do nothing.
6. Patient: The mountaintop isn’t as savory if you haven’t endured the valley or the desert. You will love the view from up high, and admire the journey that got you there, and you should. Because you’re going to do it again.
7. Opportunistic: Close the wrong opportunities, and open the right ones. Don’t overthink it, your intuition is right. If you make a mistake, there are still opportunities in front of you.
8. Open minded: Different perspectives come from different experiences. Challenge your own, and offer your own. Learn from others first, and teach others second. They have been where you haven’t, and vice versa. If you have both been there, you have a new friend.
9. Attentive: Pay attention and be aware. Something incredible could be happening that you don’t want to miss. Plans and goals are amazing. But, my favorite destinations and experiences were the spontaneous ones.?
10. Restful: Work/life balance is paramount. Don’t just work hard and play hard, rest hard. That doesn’t mean binge Netflix and scroll endlessly on social media. That means: try to maintain a sleep schedule, read fiction, write, paint, walk in the woods, meditate, sit in silence, and (I can’t emphasize this one enough) learn to be comfortable being alone.

Will I keep learning these lessons every day? Yes, but not in the form of long term travel. They had their time in those experiences specifically. I'll have my stories when I’m 70, and I'll have my dreams for other new things on the way. You see, traveling is what happened on the outside - growth is what happened on the inside, and that was limited because I was limiting myself. I am no longer passive and unintentional.?Not everyone's journey, growth process, or defining moment will lead to travel. But, everyone's journey will lead to challenging experiences, and our options are to choose them or avoid them.

One criticism that I’ll never forget before I left was, “Gap years are for rich kids.” But, now I understand that “rich” is a mindset. You are what you believe about yourself and what you produce. This was undoubtedly an unorthodox way of “buying” some of the most important values I’ve come to hold. However, don’t ask me if I’d like a receipt. When the bill came due, I remembered what I wanted. Besides, I lost my credit card in the Mekong River anyways.