Gandhi

The end of March 2021 was grief laden one with obituaries flowing in of beloved family members and even more cherished friends. I recall April 2021 as one in which I would sit in our living room with no lights on at night - all night, night after night counting the ambulance sirens because sleep would not come. There was grief but I know how to handle a heart break with dignity. What broke me was the terror. I lack fear about most things. This relative lack of fear has been my greatest strength and my greatest drawback too. So rarely do I make acquaintance with fear that something within me started to crumble. One of those dark nights I picked up my laptop to look at the pre covid world and some photos flashed of another early summer- that of 2017- when I first got my PADI sea diving certification.

?Deep waters are my only abiding fear and I didn’t know how to swim till the summer of 2016 because of that. It took me nearly 20 years to learn swimming and as soon as that skill was acquired, I booked to train for the one sport I wanted to learn - diving. It wasn’t just any dive site it was diving on a coast known to be shark nursery. As I looked at those pictures I remembered the terror when I first jumped into the open ocean- there was sheer panic of a magnitude that the instructor aborted the first dive. Pulled and seated on the boat was the realisation that the distress had caused a nose bleed and as I sat, head titled clutching a towel, ?the boat captain asked me to abandon

“ the sea is not a playground … you will need to demonstrate your ability to swim for 500 meter in the open sea before you go again for a dive. It’s your choice and if you choose to go back and we will refund”. ?

I flatly refused!

“I have dreamt of diving since I saw a program on the sea on a grainy television in a town that does not register on the map even today with no swimming pool in 4 hours driving distance, you do not tell me to abandon that dream”.

After 30 minutes I jumped from the boat to swim. As I sank and the terror took over, I remember thinking if I had to die I would but not without a bloody good fight. The rest is for another time another day but looking at those pictures of the dive / post dive I remember promising to teach my children how to dive. Instead there was Covid and maybe I would never get to that. In that moment something snapped back and with it came a decision - I swore to launch an all out war on my own terror.

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In my office I often tell my junior colleagues that no matter what never pick up a battle but if you do take one on - you must fight like the third monkey on the plank of Noah’s Ark. That night I resolved to fight my terror and take it head on exactly like the uninvited primate on the plank of the Ark. The next morning saw the launch of a medical helpline, followed shortly afterwards by a small donor helpline, followed by a financial helpline for districts struggling with funds for an oxygen plant, followed by the Weavers Resource Bridge. In the space of the next 3 months everyone I knew even remotely was dragged in - whatever they could offer was channelled towards the helplines. My only commitments were that I would not break a law, not misuse a single resource and there would never be a conflict of interest. Days and nights were spent sometimes sitting sometimes pacing my little study - identifying, verifying, allocating and begging. The last bit bothered me - I was always that kid who walked away in kindergarten should any teacher ask me to say please for a bit of candy. I am not used to asking for a favour. But those few months I couldn’t care less. People were dying for the lack of oxygen or starving for the lack of money and as I told a tv channel ‘I don’t know which was worse’. My voice went hoarse, my fingers had the onset of carpal tunnel and it didn’t matter because this was my own war where terror threatened to take over if there was a moment to think.

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And I was never alone. Every person- workplace , extended workplace, friends, friends of friends, clients, clients of clients, family and extended family, industry bodies, alumni groups and their respective family and friends- every one responded urgently and positively. They opened their network and those networks opened their networks. In those months there wasn’t anyone I left out in the extended networks and rarely did I hear a no. Those that came forward were so many that if I start to write each name down it would take me a week. And no one asked for credit. Not a single person asked what was in it for them. No one doubted the intent though many doubted my sanity. With good reason. Most days I doubted my own sanity. There wasn’t just support for these nameless helplines there was also support for me as a person. Friends, family, workmates, mentors , even old teachers each took time to check on me. My children walked up to me one day to hand over their savings to help a family of street performers inflicted with HIV where emergency rations needed to be dispatched. And that day I remember laughing and crying at the same time. Most days it was the strangers who walked the additional mile because they wanted to help. I swam this sea of terror and stayed afloat because it was all these shoulders that kept me propped up. Gradually the longest days and nights of our life slowly became shorter as the world opened up with the vaccination programs. Like any good lawyer my exit strategy was clear for each of the helplines and the last to close was the one for the Weavers Resource Bridge. On the 15th of august 2021 we withdrew the Weavers Resource Bridge of patron to artist though the knowledge transfer work went on for 15 months afterwards. Post that the data was shared with a wonderful team of people who beautifully captured the emotions behind the work and put it out as a case study titled "Saving an Endangered Art: India's Handloom Heritage", is now published and available on the Harvard Business School Publishing website (https://lnkd.in/ghPjwNPA). ?

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Why am I talking about this today. Because today is the birthday of another lawyer and he remains an ideal. The one who taught us ‘ be the change you want to see’. When I see (https://lnkd.in/ghPjwNPA) I can now look at Bapu’s small bust that is on my workdesk and say ‘Thank You’ for showing us the way!!

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