“The Games We Play: Why You’re Stuck in Your Career and How to Change It” - Unknown.

“The eternal problem of the human being is how to structure his waking hours.” – Eric Berne.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in the same frustrating patterns at work—facing recurring conflicts with colleagues, feeling unappreciated, or constantly shifting between jobs, only to find similar problems arise? If so, you might be unconsciously playing career games, destructive psychological patterns that hold you back from reaching your full potential.

Why It Matters

In “Games People Play,” Dr. Eric Berne revealed that much human interaction involves hidden “games,” where we unconsciously follow a script that leads to predictable outcomes. These games can be particularly damaging in a career setting. They can keep you in toxic work environments, prevent you from taking risks, and sabotage your professional relationships.

Whether you’re a leader who falls into power struggles, an employee who feels perpetually undervalued, or a job-seeker who can’t seem to land the proper role, career games can undermine your professional success. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to reclaiming control over your career and shifting toward genuine progress.

Common Career Games and How They Show Up

1. “If It Weren’t for You”

This game involves blaming external factors—like a demanding boss, poor company culture, or bad timing—for not advancing your career. It allows you to justify inaction or stagnation.

? Example: Jane consistently blames her boss for not getting promoted, saying, “If it weren’t for his favoritism, I’d be in a leadership role by now.” While Jane’s frustration might be valid, her passive approach prevents her from taking ownership of her growth. By staying in this game, she avoids making hard choices, like confronting her boss or seeking opportunities elsewhere.

2. “I’m Only Trying to Help You”

This game is about offering unsolicited advice or help to others, often as a way to feel superior. When people feel patronized or micromanaged at work, this can lead to conflicts and damaged relationships.

? Example: Mike, a senior manager, constantly gives feedback to his team without being asked. He believes he’s being helpful, but his team resents his constant interference. The game makes Mike feel like he’s contributing, but in reality, it’s pushing his team away and lowering morale.

3. “Yes, But…”

In this game, someone asks for advice or help but dismisses every suggestion. The game aims to reinforce the idea that their situation is impossible to fix, allowing them to maintain a victim mentality.

? Example: Sarah frequently asks her colleagues how she can improve her work-life balance. However, when they offer solutions like delegating tasks or setting boundaries, she responds, “Yes, but that won’t work for me.” By playing this game, Sarah keeps herself stuck, avoiding the discomfort of change.

Breaking Free: Actions to Take

Recognizing and stopping career games is crucial for professional growth. Here’s how you can identify and break the cycle of these destructive patterns:

1. Identify Your Patterns

The first step is self-awareness. Reflect on your behavior at work. Do you frequently feel frustrated, undervalued, or stuck? Ask yourself:

? What recurring conflicts do I face in my career?

? Do I often blame others for my lack of progress?

? Am I avoiding difficult decisions by staying in a comfortable yet unproductive cycle?

Action: Keep a journal of interactions and situations at work where you feel frustrated or stuck. Look for patterns and ask yourself what payoff you might unconsciously seek—validation, avoiding risk, or maintaining control.

2. Shift into the Adult State

In Transactional Analysis, the Adult ego state is where you act with logic, clarity, and responsibility. This is where you need to operate to break free from games. When you notice yourself slipping into Parent (critical, judgmental) or Child (reactive, emotional) roles, pause and reflect.

Action: Practice mindfulness at work. When you feel triggered by an interaction, take a moment to breathe and consider how you can respond from your Adult state. Ask, “What’s the most logical, productive way to handle this?”

3. Take Responsibility

One of the key features of career games is avoidance of responsibility. Whether blaming a problematic boss or playing the victim, the result is the same: inaction. Career growth happens when you fully own your decisions and the outcomes they create.

Action: Commit to taking small, measurable steps toward your goals. If you’ve been unhappy in your current role, start applying for new jobs. If you feel undervalued, have a candid conversation with your manager about your contributions and ask for feedback. Owning your career path is essential for progress.

4. Engage in Honest Communication

Games often thrive in environments where there’s a lack of clear communication. Being open and transparent can disrupt the games and foster healthier, more productive relationships at work.

Action: If you catch yourself engaging in a game, try being direct instead. For example, instead of playing “Yes, But,” say, “I’ve struggled with this, and I’m unsure how to make it work. Can you help me brainstorm a solution?” This shifts the interaction into a collaborative space rather than a manipulative one.

Why Breaking Free from Career Games Leads to Success

Breaking the cycle of career games opens the door to genuine growth. When you stop blaming external factors, seeking validation through conflict, or avoiding responsibility, you regain control over your career. You move from a reactive state—where everything happens to you—to a proactive state, where you take charge of your professional path.

By operating from your Adult ego state, engaging in honest communication, and taking responsibility, you can shift the trajectory of your career. Instead of being trapped in the same negative patterns, you’ll find yourself building better relationships, solving problems more effectively, and, ultimately, advancing toward your goals.

Example of a Game-Free Career Path:

Consider the case of Michael, who worked in a corporate job where he felt undervalued and overworked. He played the “If It Weren’t for You” game for years, blaming his boss and the company’s structure for his lack of growth. He finally decided to break the pattern. Instead of staying stuck, Michael reflected on his role and his dissatisfaction. He began networking, updating his skills, and applying for jobs aligned with his values. Within months, he landed a leadership role at a company that appreciated his contributions.

Michael’s story illustrates the power of breaking free from career games. Your career prospects improve dramatically when you take control, stop the blame, and operate with clarity.

Bottom Line:

Career games can subtly undermine your professional success, keeping you stuck in cycles of frustration and inaction. You can break free and create a more fulfilling, productive career by identifying these patterns, taking responsibility, and engaging in honest communication. Let go of the games and enter a future where you actively shape your professional destiny.

If you resonate with the article, please share it with your network.

Stay Motivated: 3-Minute Inspiration for Busy People.

Reach out if I can help: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/bradwiens/

"Action is the foundational principle to all success" - Pablo Picasso