Games People Play | The Drama Triangle

Are you prone to conflicts? Being taken advantage of? Feel like things go out of control very fast at work?

Here's a powerful concept that can transform your situation.

What happened at work? (Part 1)

Once upon a time, there was a small team of three people working in a marketing agency: Anna, Bob, and Charlie. Anna was a graphic designer, Bob was a copywriter, and Charlie was their supervisor.

One day, Bob realized that he was falling behind on his deadlines, and felt overwhelmed by his workload. He began to complain to Anna, telling her that he felt like he was drowning in work and that it wasn't fair.

Anna, who had always been friendly with Bob, offered to help him out by taking on some of his workload. At first, Bob was grateful for Anna's help, but soon he began to feel resentful.

He felt like Anna was getting all the credit for the work they were doing together, and that he wasn't being recognized for his contributions.

He began to complain to Charlie about how Anna was taking advantage of him and making him feel insignificant.

Charlie, feeling protective of Bob, began to see Anna as the enemy. He began to

micromanage Anna's work, second-guessing her decisions and criticizing her writing. Anna, feeling attacked and unsupported, began to withdraw from the team and stopped contributing to their joint projects.

As the situation worsened, Anna, Bob, and Charlie found themselves locked in a Drama Triangle.

What is a “Drama Triangle”?

The Drama Triangle is a social model developed by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman, which describes three roles that people tend to take on in interpersonal conflicts: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. These roles are not fixed, and people may switch between them during the course of a conflict. Let’s understand the characteristics of these 3 roles :

The Victim role is characterized by feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and self-pity. Victims often blame others for their problems and feel powerless to change their situation. An example of this role might be someone who complains constantly about their job but refuses to take any action to improve their situation.

The Persecutor role involves the use of aggressive or controlling behavior towards others. Persecutors often blame and criticize others, and may resort to intimidation or violence. An example of this role might be a boss who regularly berates and humiliates their employees.

The Rescuer role involves taking responsibility for solving other people's problems, often to the point of sacrificing one's own needs and well-being. Rescuers may be motivated by a desire to feel needed or to avoid conflict. An example of this role might be a parent who consistently bails their child out of trouble, rather than letting them face the consequences of their actions.Top of Form

Understanding the dynamics of the Drama Triangle can help individuals recognize and break patterns of dysfunctional communication.

What happened at work? (Part 2)

As the situation worsened, Anna, Bob, and Charlie found themselves locked in a Drama Triangle. Bob had become the Victim, feeling overwhelmed and powerless. Anna had become the Persecutor, feeling attacked and unsupported. And Charlie had become the Rescuer, feeling responsible for protecting Bob and blaming Anna for the team's problems.

To break out of the Drama Triangle, Anna, Bob, and Charlie needed to take responsibility for their own actions and emotions, and to communicate honestly and assertively with each other.

Bob needed to address his workload issues, rather than complaining and blaming others. Anna needed to assert her own needs and boundaries, rather than passively accepting Bob's complaints. And Charlie needed to step back and encourage open communication and collaboration among the team.

By taking these steps, Anna, Bob, and Charlie were able to break out of the Drama Triangle and create a more positive and productive work environment. They learned to communicate more effectively, to respect each other's contributions, and to work together to find solutions to their shared challenges. And as a result, they were able to achieve greater success and satisfaction in their work.

In conclusion, the Drama Triangle can be a challenging dynamic to navigate in the workplace. By recognizing the roles we play in conflicts and learning to break out of them, we can cultivate healthier relationships and more fulfilling work lives. By focusing on solutions rather than blame, practicing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills, and taking responsibility for our own actions and emotions, we can create a workplace that is more collaborative, supportive, and productive.

Self reflection questions

Which role do you often take by default?

Does it serve you every time or does it backfires at times?

What will you do differently going forward?

Experts advise to break this triangle, it involves taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, and communicating honestly and assertively with others.

Some specific advice includes:

1.????Recognize the roles: The first step in breaking out of the Drama Triangle is to recognize the roles that each person is playing. Are you playing the Victim, the Persecutor, or the Rescuer? Once you understand your own role and the roles of others, you can begin to take steps to break out of those roles.

2.????Take responsibility for your actions: Rather than blaming others for your problems, take responsibility for your own actions and emotions. This means being honest about your own feelings and needs, and communicating them assertively and respectfully.

3.????Focus on solutions: Rather than getting caught up in blame and finger-pointing, focus on finding solutions to problems. Work collaboratively with others to identify and address underlying issues, and seek to create a more positive and productive work environment.

4.????Practice healthy communication: Healthy communication is key to breaking out of the Drama Triangle. This means listening actively and empathetically, using "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns, and seeking to understand the perspectives of others.

5.????Seek support: Breaking out of the Drama Triangle can be difficult, especially if it has become a pervasive dynamic in your workplace. Seek support from colleagues, mentors, or professionals if needed, and be willing to take steps to create a healthier work environment.

In summary, breaking out of the Drama Triangle at work requires individuals to take responsibility for their own actions and emotions, to focus on solutions rather than blame, and to practice healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. By doing so, individuals can create a more collaborative and supportive work environment, and achieve greater success and satisfaction in their work.

NOTE : The Drama Triangle is a social model developed by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. You can read more about it in Eric Berne's book - Games People Play!

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