Game, set, and match!

I was reflecting on the Wimbledon men's final 2023, wow what a final it was. It made me wonder what supports the creation of such resilient talent at very different ages, one at just twenty years old and the other at thirty-six.

Both players were born in May, but I don't think that was it! The fact that they both had a natural-born talent that was identified early on helped. As did being given the support and structure they needed to focus and channel their energy on developing it further, to become masters, at a young age.

Novak Djokovic started playing tennis at four after his parents gave him a mini-racket and soft foam ball, which it is claimed became his most loved toy. He was sent to tennis camp; his talent was spotted, and I guess as they say the rest is history.

Carlos Alcaraz got his first tennis racket at three and started playing tennis from there. He had support too in that his father was the tennis director at Real Sociedad Club de Campo de Murcia, so it was a passion that could be nurtured from within the family. Again, his talent was spotted and encouraged.

There were no buts you can't be that.

There were no buts that is just too risky a dream.

There were no buts you will never make a living.

There were no buts you must follow the family tradition or start one that so many young people are asked to do e.g., be a doctor, lawyer, dentist or whatever career it may be.

It is worth remembering at this point that the highest rates of suicide in professions are doctors and lawyers. So, be careful what you wish for in your child's life if your choices as a parent are not their calling and it is just your need.

Instead, Novak and Carlos, at an early age, found their thing and were empowered by their families to develop a sense of purpose and passion around it.?They found their fit and belonging in the world and didn’t have to spend years of wasted energy trying to work it out.

Of course, there were millions of hours of hard work, but it is easier to do this work if you love what you are doing and so be motivated to keep going when things get tough to fulfil your dreams. The benefits of this enabled them to handle failure through seeing it as a positive learned experience and one that builds confidence. They were also able to create a strength of mindset to believe that they had what it takes to ultimately succeed.

Now not everyone knows what they want to be at such a young age. Indeed, being an international tennis player doesn’t rock my boat one bit, but I definitely had an interest in people and later psychology when I was younger.

The challenge for many parents thought is that when our children need to start to think about their future direction it is when they are in the midst of their teenage years. This is a tricky time within the family dynamic.

Their brains are not fully mature, their hormones are all over the place, stress is harder for them to handle, and they are wanting to distance themselves from their parents and develop their own tribe outside the family, hence their wish to hang out with their friends much more. Parents also often struggle to manage the change that their parenting style needs to make to handle this developmental phase to be able to connect effectively.

Young people are filled up with so much data from their external environment and the education systems they have been part of for years it also means that they can struggle to tap into their inner knowing of who they really are. There are stuck in that inner game of tennis of the voice that tells them they can and the one that tells them they don’t have what it takes.

With over 20,000 different types of job options and plenty more sub-categories under those...

They can end up feeling overwhelmed.

They can struggle to find that sense of purpose.

They can struggle to know where they fit in.

This impacts confidence and their sense of belonging which the vast majority of humans ultimately seek and crave.

So, what can be done?

Top tips

1.????Think about what your teenager loved to do as a child.?Most of our natural behavioural preferences ‘predispositions’ are formed by the time we are six or seven and they are stable and stay with us for life so that will support in providing insights into natural talents.

An example. My eldest son is highly motivated by harmony, so a natural diplomate. He was always very sociable, mixing easily at all levels, a great listener, fun-loving and relaxed. He also liked a lot of things on the go at once, with a passion for travel. He now has a job that ticks all those boxes, and he couldn’t be happier. He got it because he really knows who he is under the bonnet, with support from his mum, and he focused his energy on finding a job that would tick his natural talent boxes while still providing the space to develop more of these.

2.????Get your teenager out in the real world gaining positive experiences, meeting new people from different walks of life e.g., volunteering, work experience, washing cars, babysitting, selling their creations whatever it is because that is where they can learn what they like and what they don’t like and gain a sense of their value. If they want to do it with their friends that is fine too.

It pushes them beyond their comfort zone into a learning zone and takes them out of their head where many feel overwhelmed by the stories they tell themselves. Instead, these experiences ground them in the daily action of doing rather than overthinking all the reasons why they can’t. It stops them from watching others on social media which often makes them feel they are being left behind.

Building new experiences supports confidence and resilience and a sense of self-worth, keeping them from being bored when they can be tempted with their more naturally impulsive behaviour, because of their developing brain, to get up to all sorts of things that won’t deliver any positive return.

3.????Then there is the work I do at TeenReconnect. I’m here to come in to stop that sense of being overwhelmed with the unknown because it derails confidence and leads to poor future decision-making.

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It is about doing more of what Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz had access to so early on.?It is about educating young people to know who they are and what makes them tick through the appliance of science, psychology, and coaching.

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It is about empowering them with the structures they need to be able to harness and direct their energy and focus to develop their natural talents. In doing so they will create more joy and flow in their lives, rather than stress and anxiety which doesn’t support learning and performance in the longer term anyway.

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4.????Finally, remember adolescence is one of the best times to engage your teenager in this kind of learning because they are naturally primed for it as they are very curious to understand who they are. In the world we now live in, it can certainly be hard on them to figure it all out on their own.

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Until next time may the days ahead bring you many blessings.

If you need to connect just DM me on LinkedIn or visit www.teenreconnect.com/EmerODonnell

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