A Game for Family Businesses to Start Having Meaningful Conversations

Here's the TOP 3 biggest takeaways from my ECD workshop: "Bridging the Generational Gap Through Shared Aspiration for the Family Business" which was specifically designed to use the Emotional Culture Deck (ECD).

The purpose of the workshop was to bridge generational gap for shared aspiration of the family business. The goal was to get family members to share their thoughts and feelings between two generations, or within a generation.

We wanted families to start having meaningful conversations.

When we first designed it, the initial plan was to separate the current generation (usually the founders, i.e. father and/or mother) from the next generation (the children and/or siblings/cousins) providing a space where they feel “safe” to speak about their thoughts and feelings without being judged nor barricaded.

We asked them two questions, and seek their whys…..

1)???How do YOU want to feel about your family business? (using the Black cards) and explain why?

2)???How do YOU NOT want to feel about your family business? (using the white cards) and explain why?

The first workshop we had - we decided to have them all in one big board room; a total of 12 people attended the session; some came on their own (1 generation only); some came with a sibling (again 1 generation); some came with their spouses (again 1 generation only); but one particular family had 2 generations (a father and daughter).

Here's the Top 3 biggest takeaways from this workshop:

#1 Plan the Workshop

Two weeks prior to the workshop, our internal team simulated the game. Bear in mind – this was the first time we were conducting this workshop using the ECD. ?In the past 10 years of running similar workshops where we got family businesses to “speak” of their aspiration, their hopes, fears and their dreams – we had always used the conventional way of asking and probing, using a set of questions which have gone through the qualitative rigor.

So, within our internal team (as depicted in the photo below)…. we put on our thinking hats and “acted” as current generation and the next generation; as well as in the presence of a family business, mother-daughter-team.

We discussed how we would ask the questions; How we answered the questions with reference to the card; We rephased the questions; and we re-rephrased it again…. to ensure that the question and the card met the key intention of the workshop.

It was also important that we captured what was being said and shared. So, we had to ensure that the needed template fitted well with the questions, the cards, the answers, as well as the the purpose of the workshop are in sync with our designated repoitoire, who is entrusted to fill up the template seamlessly.

#2 When in Doubt, Ask!

Just before the workshop, in order for me to master the ECD and playing the ECD with family members, whilst ensuring the key intention and purpose of the workshop are met, I had my doubts - not on the ECD, not on my team, but the expectation I put on myself to ensure that I have the stamina, the brain, and the brawn to pull this off successfully.

When coming up with new ways to doing things. Be creative! Be brave! Be bold! and when in doubt, ask Jeremy!

Truedat, with Jeremy, he takes the time to understand our intention and he explains why and why not, allowing us to also explore possibilities of what the ECD can do, how the cards can be robust at the same time fits the purpose of the workshop.

#3 Watch, Listen and Learn

During the workshop, as each person was choosing their respective cards, I was attentive in watching their body language, how they flipped the cards, chose the cards, placed the cards on the table. When they started sharing their stories, I encouraged them to show their cards…. ?I listened carefully, not interrupting; nodded my head in agreement, and my eyes in unison with theirs, as they too, at times, had some moments when they needed to stop to gather the courage to share their fears.

After each person was done sharing each of their black and white cards, if needed, I try to summarise what I understood – the reason was to ensure we are on the same page with their hopes, fears and dreams – and that our repertoire was able to capture everything correctly.

?The most exciting and distinct difference in using the ECD as a method to capture emotions, feelings and aspirations, of our family business clients is the fact that each family member is able to immediately focus on what they feel or do not feel by simply choosing a card, and they can easily explain it using the cards.

Nothing beats the sigh of relief when you hear them coming out of the workshop saying:

“I will go home and take the first step to sit down with my parents over tea and communicate with them more frequently”, a Gen2 of a construction company.

“This felt like a therapy session for me. Thank you for allowing me offload some of the burden that has been bottling up in me for so long”, a Gen2 who came with her sister, their father had passed away, and now these two sisters are running the security firm.

“I see their perspectives – mine is as similar as theirs. I never saw it this way but this workshop helped me see that we want the same things for our family and our business”, a Gen1 who came with his daughter, who is helping her father whislt running her own venture.

and with some others….. it’s wiping off tears, it’s the candid smiles and certainly the silly jokes that makes each one of them laugh in unison …… we all have the same stories, some has a slight twist of mystery, others take it with a pinch of salt, whilst the rest, let it rests.

For more articles on my journey with the Emotional Culture Deck, read my previous article, entitled,?Why Emotion Matters in the Workplace?, where I wrote about how emotion impacts better team work, creativity, trust, improves work quality and develops pride at work.

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About the author:?Dr. Leilanie Mohd Nor?is an Emotion & Communication Specialist with a focus on NextGen leader's development and entrepreneurship. She co-founded?BinaPavo, a premier boutique family business advisory firm. BinaPavo also offers Learning & Development programmes for the corporate sector. Her forte is communication, trust, values, culture, conflict resolution, leadership, strategic planning, and has a knack for marketing and branding.?Dr. Lei?is the first and only (in Malaysia) Certified ECD Practitioner (and upcoming Pro ECD Consultant) of the Emotional Culture Deck by Riders & Elephants (New Zealand).

For more info on ECD, visit?https://www.ridersandelephants.com