A GAME-CHANGING Marketing Tip? ????????

Good news! Our quest to discover the true purpose of a LinkedIn Newsletter has taken an upward turn.

In a moment of great enlightenment, we realised that we were just being daft before, over-complicating and obfuscating things for no reason at all. It turns out that all we have to do to make this thing a success and live up to our true potential is to actually give some marketing advice!

This is LinkedIn, after all - a place for serious business people to engage in serious business matters, not a place for some “bloody marketers” to waste people’s time with aimless, pseudo-topical, uNiQuE content.

So are you ready to hear our game-changing marketing tip? Well hold onto your hats, folks, because in this week’s newsletter, we are going to give you just that. Because we are professionals and it’s therefore important that people hear what we have to say. Because marketing ain’t easy, no sir, so why not take all the help you can get? Because at the end of the day, we all just want to make some money, so there’s no point beating around the bush with fun and games, like a group of silly clowns.

I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner! This is going to be great. Prepare yourself for some truly life-changing advice. You know those LinkedIn guys who communicate a rhetoric of unprecedented growth exclusively in one-line paragraphs? Who say stuff like ‘Why fail, when you can scale?’ Yep, like that, but even better.

And I must say, it feels really good to be sitting here giving valuable marketing advice rather than producing an endless stream of non-helpful tripe. There comes a time when you must ask yourself, what am I actually contributing to my industry? Am I providing enrichment for others, or am I just playing a twisted game of self-indulgence?

A question for the philosophers, perhaps. For now, though, we are forgetting the past and focusing on the future, the future where we provide great and inspirational marketing tips for all.

With that in mind, I will now get right into the advice, because otherwise this will become like one of those ‘Here’s how I got rich in ONE year’ videos, in which a guy tells you a story about how they had crippling debt but then a year later they’d made $3million selling animal socks on Amazon, and they keep saying how YOU can do this as well, and there’s some nice music playing and you think ‘Hey that’s a cool story! He really turned his life around!’, but just when you think they’re about to get to the point they start talking about how Michael Jordan earned a college degree in Cultural Geography, and you’re like ‘Hmmm ok’, and then there’s some stock footage of elephants, and the video goes on and on and they never actually tell you how it’s done, unless of course you sign up to the programme!

I know, they’re the worst, not just because they are pyramid schemes, but because they are just a colossal waste of people’s time. I mean, scamming people is one thing, but leading people deeper and deeper down into an empty rabbit hole with click-bait titles and carrot-on-a-stick tactics? That is something I simply cannot abide.

Anyway, be sure to subscribe and stick around for more great marketing tips!

P.S. And now a word from this week’s unofficial sponsor, The Who…