Gaaah, theres’s so much going on, how do I choose??? Or: How focusing on just a few things can help you achieve exactly what you want.

I’m noticing lately that I’m getting a lot of pointers and questions in the direction of focus and how to know what the right thing to do is with all that’s going on and all the choices that are available. The theme pops up not only from clients, but in what friends share, in my podcast and social media feeds. I see more and more links everywhere. I guess it’s the current life algorithm I’m on. Which tells me it’s time to write about.

First of all, let’s be very clear that this is not new. I mean I know that our current world with the multitude of channels, the speed of those, the globality that implies mega impact, I know it’s all on hyper. It’s like we put the fan on higher frequency, and that is for sure special. ?But the challenge remains the same. It’s the same that I’ve seen for myself and what I have worked on the most with my people and teams since the beginning of my career. It’s one of the top skills of highly successful people.

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It’s about priorities and priority setting. I know it might sound lame, boring, old school, but come on, nothing changed!? We can use new words, try to look at it from different angles, deep analyze and problematize, find new solutions, but in reality, it’s down to this: There is a bucket of time and energy available, and you have to choose with what you fill it. Full stop. Everything else is just excuses and detours.

“There is a bucket of time and energy available, and you have to choose with what you fill it.”

The top one mistake made when prioritizing, and again, I see this everywhere and over time, from CEOs to experts, in private relationships, through industries and company sizes: The top one mistake when listing priorities is to think that the list can be infinite.

What that means is to have the belief that it’s possible to just add things to the list with no further action needed. The effect of which is that the list grows longer and longer, and longer, and adds to feelings of despair, spreading too thin, loss of control, a sense of not being enough. And these are the building stones of chronic stress.

“The top one mistake when listing priorities is to think that the list is infinite. What that means is to have the belief that it’s possible to just add things to the list with no further action needed.”

A priority list is always finite! Always. Why? Because there is one bucket and one bucket only, and that is you! You are 100%, not more, not less. Simple physics. Your effort may be 120% at times, but you, your bucket, is always 100%. If your list is too short you are going to feel understimulated, if it’s too long you’ll be overstimulated. In both cases you’ll have to re-organize your list.

Let’s pretend the 100% is a list of 10 things. If you add an 11th thing your bucket is going to overflow, right? And something else will pour out of the bucket. See how the list is finite? If you don’t see it, draw a picture of a bucket that is full. How are you going to fit something more in it? Alternatively go to the kitchen and try it out with a glass and water. It’s going to be impossible to fit more into a full glass without spilling some of the original water.

“Let’s pretend the 100% is a list of 10 things. If you add another thing your bucket is going to overflow, right? And something else will pour out of the bucket. See how the list is finite?”

The reason to understand this is: if you are not clear on the list being finite, you will not be the one deciding what goes and what stays on your priority list, it will be circumstances and external factors that dictate it.

And don’t go mistaking solutions with priorities here. You may be able to delegate part of a thing, for example a project to someone else, to your team, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone from your priority list, it just means your role in it changed, and maybe your time commitment.

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When you know the list is finite and you realize you cannot randomly put things on it, you also realize that you’ve got to know what you can take out and what you can absolutely not. We’re now talking about your non-negotiables. These are your top priorities, your hyper focus of what you will not compromise on, what you for absolutely sure want and need, what you gotta do for you. If you don’t get these, well then nothing else is worth anything. You are willing to sacrifice other things to get your non-negotiables. These are the things that can absolutely not be taken of your list. Knowing your non-negotiables is a second top skill of highly successful people.

“We’re now talking about your non-negotiables. These are your top priorities, your hyper focus of what you will not compromise on, what you for absolutely sure want and need, what you gotta do for you.”

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And now, what do you do with this?

?The idea is you have non-negotiable goals that are really really important to you, these are at the top of your priority list. When you move through the stuff, projects, possibilites that you are offered, you see everything through these glasses:

Does what’s happening right now, what’s being offered to me fit into these non-negotiable goals? Does what’s showing up serve me? If it’s a yes! => go for it.

What shows up at your doorstep does not fit in, it does not serve these goals? Then you think about it from another perspective, do you want to put it on your priority list? What will you take away from your list to fit it in? If it’s a no. => let it go!

“When you move through the good and the bad that you are offered, you see everything through these glasses: does what’s happening right now, what’s being offered to me fit into these non-negotiable goals?”

This latter part, the letting go, is often the challenging part . At least in the beginning. It takes exercise, practise and stubbornness. But practice makes perfect.

So yes it can be difficult, but it’s also what’s going to save you when unimportant stuff and politics is going on around you, you can then allow yourself to see that this isn’t serving you, is not on your roadmap, so you can let it go. And you do it, because you care so immensely about your goals, not the other sh*t.

As the expression goes "Not your circus, not your monkeys”.

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So, what do we have now?

By realizing that your priority list is finite and by defining your non-negotiables you have allowed yourself to simplify to amplify. What you have is your north star, your personal gold standard. The starting point form which everything that goes on around you is measured.

It’s relatively straight forward to see the concept in the work context. It may also be easy to see how applying it may in fact make you focus on the right things, make it easier to choose, make sure you put your time where it serves your goals, not others firsthand.

Now imagine doing the same for the other parts of your life. For your relationship to others, for your relationship to you. Maybe even a master list for the whole shabang? Everytime you simplify, you amplify your chances of reaching exactly what you want.

“By realizing that your priority list is finite and by defining your non-negotiables you have allowed yourself to simplify to amplify.”

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You can go through this process on your own or you can choose to seek professional support to add accountability. In either case, these are steps in the direction of achieving more of exactly what you want. Do it.

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