"Those People" on the Other Side of YOU

On Christmas day, some friends and I got together to celebrate with lots of Nigerian food, great conversations, and games. I have to say, our time was so refreshing as I haven't had a proper African-style Christmas in years.

One conversation that got my attention especially was in relation to how people felt about interacting with others outside our culture.

• Cynthia shared about her encounter with an American-White neighbor who often walks her dog and appears really scared at the sight of her or her husband.
• Jane shared about her experience with an American employee who cries when she attempts to hold her accountable.
• Esther shared about the disrespect she'd had to deal with when instructing her Asian employees. She noticed a trend with both employees being more responsive and respectful to her American-White counterpart.
• I, personally shared about my encounter with an ALDI USA manager who failed to fulfill my pickup order even though I arrived at the end of my pickup time-frame. After waiting for about 10-15 minutes, I entered into the store to inquire about my order only to discover that the shopping had just begun. The ALDI team member assisting with my shopping quickly apologized for the delay. Unfortunately, he encountered some system issues while attempting to close out the order, so he needed the help of his white-male manager. When the manager arrived, I expressed my concern for how this delay has impacted the rest of my schedule for that day. By this point, I had been waiting for over 30 minutes and was running late for a holiday party with my Kenyan friends. I had promised to make them some Nigerian jollof rice. This delay was going to cause a late arrival to the party. Instead of an apology, this manager proceeded to say, "Ma'am, look at me!" He repeated this with a stern tone at least 4 times. When I looked at him, he complained about how busy the store had been and how it was no fault of theirs. This manager offered no apology whatsoever.

A few things to note from my personal encounter...

1. I realized the store was busy when I got there but the purpose for ordering a pickup order was so that I could save time, knowing that my day was packed. An apology was the least this manager could have offered.
2. As an African woman, I felt beyond disrespected about the way I was addressed especially because "eye contact" is disrespectful in my culture. He did not know this, obviously.
3. His stern tone towards me was completely unacceptable.

Since I was in a hurry, I chose to walk away from the situation and returned there a week later to address it. Unfortunately, he was not at the store on that day.

(All names used above are not real but represent actual experiences of my friends)

The title of this article begins with "Those People," a term I borrowed from my pastor who often encourages members of our church to be open to the idea of reaching others who are not like us or whose ways may not seem godly to us.

You'll notice the following elements in all the experiences described above:

Fear and caution - The American-White woman must have had a perceived sense of fear.

Miscommunication - West Africans are straightforward communicators, so if there's a need to hold you accountable, the last thing to expect is diplomacy. This can come across as too blunt to an American who is not familiar with this communication approach.

Lack of cultural awareness - Many Asians relate with others based on hierarchy, especially in a professional setting. Unfortunately, it appears that an African leader falls below the hierarchy of an American-White leader in their eyes.

Also, in my experience, this ALDI manager clearly has no awareness of the West African culture in relation to eye contact. However, this does not excuse his tone.

So, here's the reality about humans interacting with other humans.

Every single one of us has the tendency to view others as "Those people."

We are often limited by our own beliefs, culture, exposure, experiences, identity, etc. We're limited by what we know. However, there is never an excuse for insensitivity towards others.

Here are 4 things that'll position you for success when interacting with someone who is different from you:

1. As best as you can, eliminate any prior biases. Have you ever met someone that you heard some negative information about prior to meeting them, then you discovered that it didn't matter what they did, you found yourself judging them due to your preconceived notion about them. If you're lucky, they might prove their smearers wrong which will open the door for you to connect with the real person.
2. Never assume that you have the right communication approach. Ask this question, "What do I need to know about your culture or identity that might help us interact/communicate better with each other?"
3. Take to technology for help. There's so much information you can research online! Do your due diligence. If you have time before engaging with someone, see what you can learn about their culture or identity. Do not approach them unprepared. Be intentional.
4. If there's an aspect of your culture that demeans another human, trash it! Let's face it, some behaviors are just nasty and just because they are practiced in your culture does not make them right. You're so much better than that! You can do better! Honor and respect is always the right way to go!

Let me conclude by saying that even I am still learning each day. I've found that the more intentional I am about others, the easier it is to establish and develop personal and professional relationships with them.

Transforming our community and the workplace

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