Fun, Fun, Fun?
Sarah Clein PCC
Helping knackered public sector women create enough midlife mojo to lead better or leave well | 1-1 coaching packages from ￡1297 | Group coaching programmes from ￡997 | Training and Facilitation.
After nearly 20 years in a relationship, I initiated an amicable divorce when I was in my early 40s. I met my now ex-husband when I was 24, when I was living in a shared house with friends, in my second job and not long out of university. Fun consisted of nights out, occasional weekends away, camping trips in the summer and spending time with friends.
Ten ish years later and I was signed off work for a fortnight by the GP and told to go and do something fun as a way of trying to relax following a period of intense stress and frustration at work. Fun I thought, I haven’t got time for fun. I need to work, be productive, I don’t know what fun is if I’m not working. Working is my fun. So I asked the GP what he meant and he suggested that I start by going to feed the ducks........
Fast forward 20 years and newly single, living alone, suddenly without children for days at a time, without a range of other needs to meet, and my immediate response was to fill in the gaps with work. All day and all night and some bits of the weekend. Unless I had the children and then I would just focus on them and their fun. As for my own fun, and what I enjoyed doing, it felt so long since I’d had the time or cause to think about it, so long being a fun factory for my kids, that I really had no idea.
It's been a few years since that strange wasteland of post-marriage break-up time but I am reminded of it often when I work with midlife clients now. Distracted by the important busy busy with little time, energy or headspace for fun, and that's if they have an idea what they enjoy doing once everyone else's needs are met. Exhausted, tired, knackered, and sometimes burnt out, fun might be the very last thing on the list, the one thing that drops off in favour of collapsing on the sofa, just sorting the packed lunches for tomorrow, I'll reply to that WhatsApp later, I'll start that new class in September, maybe when I retire.......
So what is this fun that I am talking about? Well, fun is a subjective experience that can be described as an enjoyable or pleasurable activity, experience, or state of being. It involves engaging in activities or experiences that bring joy, satisfaction, and a sense of well-being. What I might consider fun and what you might consider fun will most likely be completely different things. It varies widely from person to person, as it is influenced by individual preferences, interests, and cultural backgrounds. Ultimately, fun is about engaging in experiences that bring a sense of happiness, fulfilment, and positive emotions.
Going back to exhaustion, energy, doing big jobs while thinking of ALL the things, and combining fun and midlife can sometimes feel like a bit of an uphill struggle. It’s often a time of transition and change for women, as we may be navigating menopause, and additional caring responsibilities added to the ever-present balancing. Sometimes it's enough to get through the week, have a glass or three of red on a Friday night, a takeaway on a Saturday, and start the preparation for Monday all over again. Trying to remember what fun is can be one step beyond. That said, it's important to remember that having fun and enjoying life is equally important as well as being a preventative factor in reducing burnout.
Here are some tips if you don’t know where to start.
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Think back to activities or experiences that have brought you joy and fulfilment in the past. Maybe you used to love playing sports, listening to music, painting by numbers, taking art classes, or volunteering for a particular cause. Reflecting on these experiences can help you identify what you enjoy doing and what brings you happiness.
2. Try new things
Trying new things is a great way to discover what you enjoy doing. Take a class in something you've always been interested in, join a club or organization that aligns with your values, or attend an event that you've never been to before. Exploring new experiences can help you uncover hidden passions and interests.
3. Pay attention to how you spend your free time
What do you find yourself doing in your free time? Do you enjoy reading, listening to music, gardening, or cooking? Pay attention to the activities that you naturally gravitate towards and try to do more of them. You may discover that these activities bring you joy and fulfilment.
4. Ask for feedback from others
Sometimes, we can lose sight of our own strengths and passions. Ask friends or family members for feedback on what they think you're good at or what they've seen you enjoy in the past. This can provide valuable insight and help you discover new interests.
5. Experiment and be open-minded
Discovering what you enjoy doing is a process, and it may take some trial and error to find your passions. Be open-minded and willing to experiment with different activities and experiences. You may be surprised at what you discover!
Here is some further reading if you want to get some more ideas.
I'd love to know how you get on.