Fulfillment is About Seeking Beauty and Balance in Our Lives

When adversity strikes we find our stress levels increasing, and when the winds of change howl around us, we all need a place of refuge now and again. There are likely to be places, times, and happenings that bring us consistent happiness. They represent the beauty in our lives.

You’ve likely had some of these experiences with loved ones, who may or may not be around to help you repeat them in the future. You have also undoubtedly experienced being alone. Even when you’re with others, you view experiences differently than they do, so a place or time that was incredibly special or happy for you may not have been so for others. But you know what those moments of happiness are for you, and they can be useful resources as you weather the occasional storms in your life.

For my part, I have a number of “happy places” I can go in my mind to recapture joy and contentment. My childhood was happy, and I’ve had a very loving and supportive family. I was fortunate to spend summers at a family lake home, where I swam, fished, and spent a lot of time on the water in a canoe or boat. I remember seeing the spectacular northern lights one night while fishing. And walking through a sea of monarch butterflies on the dirt road behind the cabin. I can still smell the lilac bushes in the field by my grandparents’ home there too.

I can still envision both the Savill Garden and Virginia Water areas just west of London, and the peace I found wandering through these beautiful places. I’ve often taken quick vacations in my mind to the Lake District and Isle of Wight in England, and to Kauai, Prague, London, Croatia, Singapore, and other places I found beautiful and special—and the people I shared those experiences with. England is littered with picturesque villages, full of history and beauty that I always marveled at. I took advantage of it whenever I could.

While some of the people I shared memories with may no longer be around, I get to replay my happiness again and again. Some call it nostalgia, but whatever the label we put on it, I feel better as a result. I hold no special powers to do this, and I’m sure you have the ability to use special people, places, and events in your life to rekindle joy whenever it is most needed. Whether it’s a walk out to the local park, revisiting the greatest moments of happiness in your life, or the images of wonder and beauty projected from your mind’s eye, you have the ability to take heart from them and stave off despair.

The other issue to consider, as it concerns resilience and stress management, is balance. There are certainly instances when I have not been a model of balanced living, and the times I was most imbalanced became real problems for myself and others. Balance can certainly mean something different for each of us; however, we all can relate to having an excess of certain elements in our lives and a lack of attention to others that may cause problems.

For example, do you “work to live” or “live to work?” Many of us, including myself, have become caught up in our careers at one point or another. Normally well-intentioned, a focus on your job can help you provide for yourself or your family, find meaning and significance, or fulfill needs for affiliation and acceptance. But these motivators can quickly lead to a lack of attention to other parts of our lives. We might stop paying as much attention to our health and well-being, our relationships, or the pursuit of other activities that bring us happiness.

For my part, what started as a well-intentioned desire to provide for my family and meet financial obligations, as well as a genuine interest in my profession and a need for professional acceptance, became unhealthy. My family moved perhaps more than most as I progressed my career, and those moves certainly resulted in trials and hardships for my spouse and children—who were nevertheless supportive. In one instance, the regular fear of losing my job and having to move the family yet again caused me to put in long and irregular hours to cling to my position.

While other drivers played a part too, I certainly did not want to fail, force my family to relocate again, and feel like I was unable to provide properly for their needs. In the end, however, this imbalance in my life caused me to focus too little on friends, family, and my own well-being, and that had a real negative impact on the health of some of my relationships (both with myself and others). I was not as good a friend, spouse, or father as I ideally wanted to be, and that is my greatest regret. Remember, time and tide cause us all to stop drawing breath at some point, and few regret what they may or may not have done with their career and money when the end comes.

You also need to balance attention on yourself with a focus on others—whoever they may be. Even the most well-meaning and selfless among us still need to attend to our own physical health and mental well-being, so ignoring the physical aches and emotional pains that arise is not sustainable.

We’ve likely all been close to someone who has been devastated by physical illness or emotional issues. Some of them may have even taken their own lives, which is the ultimate tragedy. I don’t want you to suffer something that may have been preventable while friends, family, and health professionals are available to help support you. Sometimes imbalance in your life is the cause of these problems, and other times it’s something more. I wish a happy and healthy life for you, and where balance can help you, please make it a part of your life.

Check up on yourself. Make time to tend to your physical and mental wellness. Take it from someone who has learned the benefits of doing so—and consequences of ignoring it. It’s vital. Remember, too, that the time you spend on yourself in those places of beauty and leisure interests are part of the balance you must seek in your life.

Just as with resilience and stress management in general, tending properly to nutrition, exercise, rest, and mindfulness are all important as you balance how you treat yourself. Carving out time for some peace and fun never hurts! Do you set aside time for peace and fun, or are those the first things to be sacrificed when life gets busy?

Don’t continually prioritize the minor things in your life—whatever they may be. By allocating time in a more balanced fashion among the things you hold dear, you’ll find more enduring happiness. Only you will know what those precious things will be, according to your principles and values. When your life falls out of balance with them, you will know. The physical and emotional triggers will be there—so don’t ignore them.

Balance in relationships can be important too. I’m not suggesting a vast array of superficial acquaintances, but I am advocating for enough quality relationships that provide you happiness and support when you need it most. You, in turn, will seek to be a good friend, partner, parent, child, or sibling and provide others help and hope when they need it.

Most people are interested in something outside of their work. Those leisure interests provide you significance, affiliation, purpose, meaning, personal growth, or some other benefit. Relying on a variety of sources to help meet such needs can also help you remain resilient and happy. If you only have your motorcycle club rides, for example, and a health pandemic strikes that prevents people from getting together, what alternative pursuits do you have to help meet your needs? This is not, of course, a hypothetical problem since the recent health pandemic.

Work and play. Self versus others. The relationships you tend to and interests you pursue. Physical and mental health awareness. These are all questions of balance, and in a world where destructive fanatical behavior and obsession is often mistaken for dedication and focus, it’s easy to fall out of balance and depart from your intended life path. I know—I’ve experienced it, and you have likely done so too at some point in your life. When the tires on your life’s car fall out of balance, you run off the road sooner or later. Check them regularly by assessing the state of balance in your life, and you won’t experience a crash.

·????????What are beautiful memories you can call upon for strength? What people, places, and events have brought you joy that you can envision right now to lift your mood and help you cope with today’s difficulties?

·????????Are there hobbies or interests you can undertake today that make you happy and distract you from ruminating over adversity and setbacks?

·????????Are there places you periodically go to find peace and relaxation and find a bit of beauty in your life?

·????????Do you use exercise or meditation today as tools to help lift your mood and cope with life’s challenges? If not, would you be open to trying them?

·????????Is there balance in your life generally, where your time and attention are allocated to more than one pursuit (family, career, leisure, travel, exercise, friends, etc.)?

·????????Is there balance in the resources you use to remain resilient and cope with stress? Or do you rely on just one or two tools?

*This article contains an excerpt from the book Fulfilled: Finding Joy and Prosperity in Life