From zero to hero part 2

From Zero to Hero 

 How you can make a difference in a child's life today    

This is where we left 

After my father passed at age 48 

The next week was a blur. The wakes, the funerals, the people and all the other bullshit. Yes I said it. “Bull shit.” How could people walk up to a casket and say, “He looks so good in that suit.” How can my dad look good when he’s dead? Or is “ there anything you need at all.” I would answer in my head “Yeah, a father!!” I know they meant well. I’m glad I hit the pause button on my responses. I did not know or understand that concept yet, but I got it. There was something else that was building inside me that I could not quite understand. I could feel this intense heat and did not know where it emanated from. It was a mystery, like knowing a word but not being able to express it. Then, one day, my aunt Dee sat down next to me and asked me how I felt. I answered, “Like I want to hit something!” It was rage inside a twelve-year-old’s body, I finally realized, and I did not know what to do with it. 

The next few weeks sucked, and I was treated like a leper in the hood. I also noticed a change in attitude by my “friends” towards me. Unfortunately, it was not in a good way. Their teasing, which previously was confined to sports, was now every day and was quite physical and psychological. My best friend since we were toddlers was the mastermind behind this new torture. I was beat up almost daily. They were just causing havoc, damaging my mom’s car, throwing rocks at my house. In my head, I’m thinking, “ How can this be right? This is not fair!” My rage engulfed me. I did not know what to do with it. It was like a volcano about ready to erupt. But I did not know how or when. 

My torment went on for what it seemed like years. I realized at twelve-years-old I had to be 21-years-old now. My first summer after my father died was the loneliest I have ever been. I had no father, no friends, and no life. I would often walk to my father’s grave and speak to him, asking for his help and guidance. I was in a very dark place, which I thought would never end nor would I emerge from. 

Then a small miracle happened. That miracle came in the form of my Uncle Henry. He had found out what was going on in the hood and stop by a week before I would start eighth grade. He offered me something. Something I never expected. He offered to pay for me to go to KARATE. At the time I didn’t really know what it was. He said, “You need to learn how to defend yourself. I learned in the Navy. This place, United Studios Of Self Defense, will help you.” He said, “I know things are tight with money and I’ll pay for half.” I was in shock to say the least! I said, “Sure I’ll try that.” Inside I was screaming, “YES!” 

Now I’m sure my uncle had all the best intentions in the world. He thought when I learned how to defend myself, I could put these bullies in their place. I don’t think he realized he had fed me something much bigger than that. He gave me my first love, martial arts. It did not happen right away. To be honest I don’t know when the light switch went off but it did. It fed that raging lion inside me. This is where a good instructor comes in. This is where a good coach comes in. This is where you realize that you are not worthless and things can improve. This is when you realize the word “practice” means everything. You find meaning for your life. You find that one thing that speaks to you. Martial arts was my saving grace. Getting back to my uncle, I don't think he realized what he started would became a thirty-seven year love affair. 

The other concept I learned from martial arts was to speak up and ask for help. That was a shocker for a while. I had been bullied so much by my friends, you start thinking everyone sucks. This was not the case in the dojo. I learned 

These concepts were new to me, but I began to internalize them. They became part of me, giving me direction and purpose. I became comfortable at asking more experienced students for help. So much so that the twenty-something “Rock”-looking types helped me in our school’s weight lifting room. That started love affair number two! 

The last time I weight trained was when one of my “friends” got one of those cement filled plastic weight lifting sets from WalMart. We were ten-years-old and tried all the movements on the home workout chart they gave you. The next day all of us that lifted thought we had gone five rounds with Conor McGregor. This time it was different. Someone with more knowledge trained me correctly. They took an interest in helping me because we shared the same interest. In essence, I had aligned myself quickly with someone I barely knew because he had similar goals. He wanted to succeed and he wanted me to as well. This gave me hope and faith. It also gave me 16-inch arms at sixteen-years-old and abs like a wash board, but that’s not the point. The combo of marital arts and weight training raised my confidence levels to heights I had never imagined! I actually got really good at something for once.

At this point you are probably thinking do you “take care” (beat the snot out of them) of your so called “friends” in the hood? I did dispatch one of them after a month of martial arts. My so called “best friend” since childhood. Unfortunately as you get older and go to bigger schools you meet newer people. My “best friend” in particular was very good at manipulating people. Since he could not handle me anymore, he sent other people that were much larger than me to do his dirty work. This was a new challenge I had to face and did not know how. The new bully was six feet tall and at least 200 pounds. I was a mere 5’ 4” and 130 pounds soaking wet. Fear crept back, the mind killer was back in the form of what I thought was a mountain of a kid. 

Unfortunately, my rage also grew stronger as well. Although the martial arts and weight lifting helped my confidence, I felt my rage still growing to the point of fearing I would use it one day in the worst way. Several times a day, I daydreamed beating the snot out of my bullies. I began putting my fists through plaster walls in our hallway. As well as head-butting walls and breaking chairs with my kicks. My mother, in response, bought me a 50 pound heavy bag. I broke it in half in a week. She bought me a 75 pound bag that lasted quite a bit longer. 

Then I discovered something quite interesting. I discovered my basement wall. A guy in his twenties from my gym was a kick boxer and all-around tough guy. He knew the trouble I was having with this bigger bully and coached me to start kicking the wall. I thought he was nuts! He said, “If you put all your effort into kicking the wall, that’s what will go into this bully. You hit him like that and it will be lights out.” 

I trained every day to beat this bully to a pulp. I lifted every day. I became a tank that was unstoppable. I was quickly achieving my first goals at the the dojo “black belt!” I thought once I reached that level I would be able to handle this mountain, this challenge. I despised this kid and he was going to pay and pay dearly.  

I did become a black belt at a mere age of 17 years. I did build myself to be able to bench press 320 pounds, while weighing only 150 pounds. I did all that I needed to do to conquer that bull, to smash him into oblivion! I wanted to put him six feet under! No Joke. And then … I did not have to. That’s right did I not have to do it. I wanted to. I really wanted to! But at the end of the day I learned the most important thing when it came down to martial arts and especially self-defense. Self-defense is not just physical. Self-defense is mental, emotional, and spiritual. I had a choice to use my mind and teachings not to fight. I could win without fighting? Really? Could I? Not just from the bullies but from my internal rage. I realized in that thirty-second moment, when it came down to it that all of life is a Choice and Intention. I had all the intentions of killing this person and he knew it, but I had the choice not to do it. I had won this battle and my internal battle without lifting a finger. In effect I had conquered my demons. I had won for myself and my father. If I had followed through on my intentions, I would probably be writing this from my jail cell and not writing to you about all of my success in life . 

What has this to with you the reader? A lot. We all struggle from time to time and have our challenges. Some worse than others. That is part of life and life is not fair. If you can make peace with that, you are ahead of the game. You will notice I highlight several words in this article. I want you to walk away with some tips to meeting life’s challenges. As the late Dr. Wayne Dyer would say, “When you get your mind right, everything falls into place.” When it comes to world of fitness, athletics, and martial arts that is also true. Some of the greatest athletes in the world were bullied or tormented. Some of the greatest A-list actors and actresses were also bullied. People think Michael Jordan was just a good basketball player because he was. That’s far from the truth. He practiced every day in middle school because his older brother use to beat him at basketball. That was the fuel that ignited the fire. Now I’m not some life guru or wise old Yoda. However, I have been here for fifty years and have built myself up from the worst possible athlete to the strength coach pioneer of 15 UFC fighters. I have built a successful fitness business. I have built myself up from the worst athlete to who I am today. Now that all happened because of what I learned from the time my father passed until now. I hope these principles help you as well as they worked for me. I work on them daily and I’m in progress not perfection. 

 Here are the next takeaway points 

1.Positive emotions - I had rage for a long time. I learned how to control it and channel it positively. This was not easy it took and takes work every day. What I learned early on was energy is energy. If I can channel my rage into something positive I can get a positive result. 

2.Confidence not convinced - Over time when you can continue to do something over and over again this little flame starts to grow. That is your desire which leads to your confidence my friend. When you practice what you enjoy doing, it’s like feeding the flame of desire and confidence. 

3. Visualization- Many mentors have talked about this around the world. Daydreaming may seem silly, but it depends on how and why you are doing it. I would take it to another level. If you think it, you ink it! Write it down, the universe will see it. 

4. Sweat Equity - translates into effort!!! Plan on giving a lot of it to get where you want to go. I once asked a very wealthy client what he believed success entails. He answered, “Hard work, willingness to take risk, and luck.” I try and remember that over time, especially when I’m starting a new project. I believe they all tie together in in different order sometimes. One of my favorite lecture series is, “The Masters of Enterprise the History of American Business from 1775 to Today.” By H. W. Brands, a college professor. We are built for hard work and to take risks. The luck will follow.

4. Manipulation - Many people think this is a negative word. You will know when you are doing it, or someone is doing it to you. My idea is different. You manipulate how you think and you act. If you think positively, you will attract positive people. One of my favorite old school books is, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Some people believe that is manipulation. I don’t. When you look at his three main principles you realize it’s about a positive nature. Those principles are: 1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. 2. Be genuinely interested in people. 3. Show honest and sincere appreciation. Does that sound manipulative to you? I sure hope not.

5. Self-Defense - Many people get offended when I perform lectures at schools on this concept. They protest, “That’s violent!” or “We are passives.” True self-defense is only physical as the last resort. The other layers are mental, emotional. and spiritual self-defense. When you look at the term, it’s about the “self” taking care of one’s self. This is where perception comes in. It’s not what happens to you, it’s your interpretation of what happens to you. In my experience, when someone has an issue with you, it’s generally about them. I personally have done more with a simple look or a smile to defuse situations. 

6.Choice - We are bound by choices each day. We all have to make them. However, we have the mental capacity to make them. Animals generally are driven by fear and need, not by choice. The concept of contemplation, where we weigh out options and access the best track. Contemplation is action verb as Dr. Wayne Dyer use to say. You have a choice to feel good to feel bad. You have a choice to try and to try not. This gives you power, my friend. 

7. ntentions- some people like goals. I think calls are great. As I have gotten older I realized that setting an “Intention” releases me from the stress of “failing.” When you set an intention, you are not focusing on the end point. You focus on the journey. You manifest your intentions. They go deep within you. It becomes part of your soul. Things start to flow. When something does not work out, you just see it as results you did not expect. Such is what happen with Post-it Notes. The original inventor was trying to design a glue that would be permanent. Those little notes you use every day. Next time you think you have failed pick up a pad of those and see what failure might look like. 

8. Vision, Passion, and Perseverance - The late Dr. Wyane Dyer, use to always close with “Hold your vision and keep your passion.” I always felt this to my core. You need to find what your vision and passion align with. I added the last word. Perseverance to me was the missing piece. You will hear many times when you follow your vision and passion non-believers will tell you not to do it. You must maintain your perseverance no matter what everyone tells you. If it makes you feel good and helps other people, why should you not follow it? Is it better to be miserable making a lot of money and fame yet hating what you do every day? I think not. Do what you are inspired to do, the money and success will follow. If this helped David Copperfield, one of the world’s greatest magician, who was criticized in middle school for constantly fumbling with coins, playing cards, and the like. His teacher told him he, “Would never amount to anything.” The man who made the Statue of Liberty disappear will never amount to anything. I think not!

I leave you with this: Michael Angelo was quoted as saying, “ The problem with man is aiming too low and hitting his mark.” The man who carved “David” did so with hand tools. So knuckle down and get moving forward. Don’t get stuck in the wake of your life. The wake is what is left behind. Life comes down sometimes to one single moment and one single choice. In life all you get is moments. Make the best of them because moments build monuments in your life. 

Special note. The young gentlemen in the photo are from the Mckinley school in Boston. One of the poorest schools in the city. Everyday these young people are in crisis. Many have lost mothers , fathers and siblings to drugs and violence. Most of which has happened right in front of their own eyes. Mr Mike Scott their ELA teacher has been working his " Scholars Brigade " for some time there. It's a fitness calls designed around the martial arts concepts of respect , self control , character , team work, and discipline. I have had the honor and privilege of volunteering my time every week with him and several other great teachers ( Mr Russell, Mr Allen, Mr Ed, Mr Morrison , Dave and the list goes on) These people are the essence of being a teacher. These young people at this school and others like them around the world just need someone to care. I also volunteer every other week for our " BWK Faculty Fit" workout to help the teachers manage their health, wellness and stress management.

My intentions is to bring this programing model into every school in America. I feel the best way to do this is through the art of filmmaking. My intention is to use Mckinley as my backdrop for my movie " Always Picked Last" . I need your help Please ! If you can give financial support please spread the word. We have a dedicated team working with us , please be on the team as well.

Sincerely Coach Kearns

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Coach Kearns 

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