From System Failures to Personal Growth ~ Emotional Regulation Lessons

This blog is part of a series exploring themes from Engineered Miracles—an extension of my journey to inspire alignment and transformation personally, professionally, and industry-wide.

Working on ships and buildings, I’ve spent years surrounded by systems—valves, boilers, and pipelines designed to manage pressure. What I didn’t realize was how much my own life mirrored these systems. Understanding pressures wasn’t just a technical challenge I solved at work; it was rising inside me emotionally and physically, without an effective release mechanism.

For years, I carried the mantra “get over it.” It felt practical, even necessary, especially as a woman of color in an industry that didn’t often reflect my experiences. But this mindset, while useful for pushing through challenges, came at a cost. I unknowingly created a pattern of suppressing emotions, a habit that eventually manifested in my health.

It wasn’t until I faced a cancer diagnosis that I started to connect the dots. This wake-up call forced me to reflect on the neural patterns and emotional habits I had built over decades—patterns shaped by cultural expectations, industry demands, and personal loss. What I learned, and what I hope to share, is that managing pressure—whether in a boiler or your own body—is about designing healthy systems that support resilience and growth.

A Subtle Wake-Up Call

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011, it felt like a sudden silence after years of white noise. At the time, I was living in a reactive state—long workdays, late nights, and a constant cycle of proving my worth. My doctor recommended three months of rest, a “forced pause” I would later refer to as my three-month sentence.

During this time, I wrestled with thoughts of “what if” and “why me?” It was only through reflection and research that I began to see my diagnosis not as a punishment, but as an opportunity for redirection. Books like Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza introduced me to the idea that emotions can deeply impact physical health.

For the first time, I saw the connection between my relentless drive, emotional suppression, and the disease that manifested in my body.

Recognizing the Failure and Facing the Truth

Before my diagnosis, I was reactive, short-tempered, and dismissive—traits that made it hard to see the impact of my behavior on myself and others. Looking back, I see how these patterns were reinforced by cultural narratives like “don’t cry over spilled milk” and industry norms that valued results over relationships.

What changed? I began to notice the physiological effects of my emotions—tightness in my chest, shallow breathing, and racing thoughts. These were the “pressure sensors” of my body, alerting me to a deeper issue. Through my HeartMath? certification, I learned that unchecked emotions like frustration and anger drain energy, spike cortisol levels, and suppress the immune system. Recognizing these patterns was humbling but necessary. We can’t fix what we don’t acknowledge.

Engineering Principles for Emotional Regulation

1. Pressure Sensors ~ Noticing the Signs

“Our bodies are constantly giving us feedback; the question is, are we listening?”

Meditation became a diagnostic tool for me. Conducting regular body scans allowed me to notice how tension built up in my shoulders or how my heart raced during stressful situations. These early signs became my internal pressure sensors, enabling me to intervene before the pressure became overwhelming.

2. Release Valves ~ Letting Go of Pressure

In engineering, release valves are designed to activate before pressure becomes destructive. I realized I needed similar mechanisms for my emotions. One of the most transformative techniques I’ve adopted is the 4-7-8 breathing technique.

What is the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique?

• Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds.
• Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
• Exhale slowly and completely through your mouth for 8 seconds.

This method calms the nervous system, reduces cortisol levels, and increases heart-brain coherence. It provides a moment of clarity in emotionally charged situations.

During a heated meeting, I felt the familiar signs of stress—my heart racing and my breathing growing shallow. Instead of snapping, I paused and began the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Within moments, I calmed down.

Rather than reacting defensively, I responded thoughtfully, transforming what could have been a contentious exchange into a productive discussion. This simple practice reinforced my confidence in managing emotional pressure and showed me that small, consistent habits can lead to big changes.

3. Control Systems ~ Calibrating Responses

Every system requires calibration. Not every trigger demands the same response, and learning to adjust my reactions was key. One of my biggest triggers was feeling undervalued at work. By mapping out my emotional triggers and responses, I created a “pressure response matrix” to guide me.

This helped me move from defensive reactions to thoughtful responses, improving my relationships both at work and with family.

Lessons from the shock ~ turning setbacks into breakthroughs

My cancer diagnosis wasn’t just a health scare; it was a catalyst for change. I realized that life, like engineering, involves inevitable disruptions. The goal isn’t to avoid these disruptions but to learn from them and rebuild stronger systems.

In the shipping and building industries, I see a similar opportunity. The decline in the workforce is a wake-up call to rethink how we attract and retain talent. This isn’t just about offering competitive salaries; it’s about creating environments where people feel valued, supported, and seen. Emotional regulation and leadership are critical components of this transformation.

Rebuilding the System ~ Creating Sustainable Habits

Rebuilding my life didn’t happen overnight. I started with small, intentional changes that aligned with my vision of health and resilience. One of the most impactful changes was dedicating just 10 minutes each morning to meditation. It seemed insignificant at first, but over time, it became a cornerstone of my emotional health.

In the same way, industries can adopt small, sustainable changes to create more supportive environments. It’s not about overhauling everything at once; it’s about making consistent improvements that add up over time.

Looking back, what felt like a breaking point was actually a breakthrough. By managing pressure—both emotional and physical—I created space for growth and miracles. The same principles that helped me rebuild my life can help others in their personal and professional journeys.

What pressure points do you notice in your life??

How can you start designing your own emotional release system to prevent burnout and foster growth?

If this blog resonated with you:

• Share your thoughts in the comments. What practices help you manage pressure in your life?
• Join our community to explore these ideas further. Your insights might even be featured in future blogs!
• Stay tuned for workshops and resources designed to help you create your own emotional regulation system.

Let’s engineer a more resilient and intentional way of living—together.

This blog is part of an ongoing series inspired by my book,?Engineered Miracles.