From Surviving to Supporting: Bridging the Gap to Heal Together

Healing isn't about fixing. It's about connecting, understanding, and growing together.

Life’s challenges often leave scars, but these scars also teach us resilience. For those who have battled anxiety, depression, or other mental health struggles, reaching out to help someone else in distress seems like a natural step. Yet, there’s a paradox. Why is it difficult to help someone experiencing something we ourselves have faced? Shouldn’t our shared experience make it easier?

This question brings into focus an intricate blend of psychology, sociology, and personal experience.

Understanding the Struggle to Help

When we’ve moved past a challenge, our brain sometimes struggles to recall its intensity. This phenomenon, known as the “empathy gap”, shows how difficult it is for people to fully understand the emotional or physical pain of others, especially when they are no longer experiencing it themselves (Loewenstein, 2012). This gap can lead to unintentionally dismissive or impatient reactions, even when we want to help.

Adding to this, cognitive dissonance, the psychological discomfort we feel when our actions or thoughts are inconsistent with our values, can complicate our efforts. For instance, if we believe that, “I should understand this because I’ve been through it,” but find ourselves struggling to empathize, it creates inner tension (Festinger, 1957). To resolve this, some may rationalize their impatience, while others double down on efforts to help.

The Role of Stigma and Social Norms

Mental health stigma remains a powerful barrier to supporting others effectively. Historically, mental illness has been misunderstood as a character flaw rather than a health issue, contributing to a culture where vulnerability is often hidden (Pescosolido, Manago, & Monahan, 2021). This stigma continues to influence public attitudes, despite growing awareness and education efforts.

As someone who has experienced mental distress, you may face this stigma from two angles:

1. Internalized stigma, where societal judgments about mental health influence how you see yourself (Hajidazeh et al., 2024)
2. External stigma, where others project stereotypes onto you, even as you try to help.

Both types can create barriers to effectively supporting others, as they add layers of self-doubt and fear of judgment.

How to Break the Cycle

To truly help someone, we need to balance our personal experiences with empathy and evidence-based approaches:

1. Practice Empathic Listening

Instead of offering immediate solutions, listen to understand. Research shows that active listening strengthens trust and reduces feelings of isolation in those struggling with mental health (Rogers, 1951).

2. Challenge Cognitive Dissonance

Recognize when your feelings of frustration or impatience arise. Pause and remind yourself of your journey. This awareness can reduce the discomfort of cognitive dissonance and help you approach the situation with compassion.

3. Acknowledge the Complexity of Healing

Healing is not linear, and every person’s journey is unique. For example, while one person may benefit from mindfulness practices, another might find solace in therapy or medication. Respecting this individuality fosters patience.

4. Combat Stigma Together

Educate others about mental health through open conversations. Sharing your own story can challenge stereotypes and normalize seeking help.

A Personal Reflection

During my own recovery from anxiety and depression, I recall times when simple tasks felt monumental. Yet, as I healed, I began to forget the weight of those struggles. So, when someone I care about seemed “stuck,” I caught myself thinking, “Why can’t they just try this?” Then I remembered: I once felt the same.

Instead of focusing on what they weren’t doing, I chose to focus on simply being present. I said, “I know this feels overwhelming. I’m here to walk through it with you.” That shift opened the door for deeper understanding and trust.

Moving Forward

Helping others heal is not about fixing them. It’s about creating a safe space where they feel seen, heard, and supported. It’s about breaking the cycle of stigma and replacing it with compassion.

Personal Note:

As I write this, I remind myself that healing isn't a solo journey- it's something we share. Whether it's through lending a listening ear, sharing a personal story, or advocating for change, every small act of kindness matters. This article is part of my effort to create a ripple effect of empathy and understanding.

References

• Cuff, B. M. P., Brown, S. J., Taylor, L., & Howat, D. J. (2016). Empathy: A review of the concept. Emotion Review, 8(2), 144–153. https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073914558466
• Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press
• Hajizadeh, A., Amini, H., Heydari, M., & Rajabi, F. (2024). How to combat stigma surrounding mental health disorders: A scoping review of the experiences of different stakeholders. BMC Psychiatry, 24, Article 782. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-024-06220-1
• Loewenstein, G. (2012). Changing places: A dual judgment model of empathy gaps in emotional perspective taking. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 45, 139–176. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-394286-9.00003-1
• Pescosolido, B. A., Manago, B., & Monahan, J. (2021). Trends in public stigma of mental illness in the US, 1996–2018. JAMA Network Open, 4(12), e2140202. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2021.40202
• Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy: Its current practice, implications, and theory. Houghton Mifflin.