From Survival To Superpower: Re-framing the Challenges of Human Connections

In the complex picture of life, few things are as tricky and hard as our relationships, especially when they start off tough from a young age. The story I'm telling today isn't just about me but also reflects the challenges and wins of many people who have gone through tough times in their relationships, using only their sharp ability to notice and understand things, something they had to learn to survive. As a child, growing up with an angry parent and an alcohol-dependent grandparent taught me the subtle art of reading a room. This skill was not born from curiosity but survival. Walking into any space meant assessing the situation in its entirety—body language, tone of voice, depth of breath, and even the content of conversations were all pieces of a puzzle I learned to solve swiftly. This constant vigilance was a tool; it dictated whether I could speak, should disappear, or needed to employ tactics to diffuse tension. It was an early introduction to the concept of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.

This way of living, while it kept me out of trouble, also cultivated a garden of hypersensitivity and anxiety within me, making me extremely risk-averse and wary of trusting others. This protective shell I built around myself worked well until it didn't. Until the age of 35, I used these skills not as tools for navigation but as barriers to hold myself back.

The Turning Point

The transformation began with a book and an experience. Rutger Bregman 's "Humankind" opened my eyes to a new way of viewing the world and the people in it. Top three takeaways from the book:

• Humans are inherently good and that our society, despite its flaws, is built on a foundation of mutual cooperation.
• The "Venice syndrome," where a person becomes more focused on preserving its past than imagining its future.
• How our expectations of others can profoundly influence their behavior.

It wasn't just a book; it was a portal to a new perspective, challenging the foundations upon which I had built my understanding of human nature. Around the same time, I ventured into the realm of psychedelic-assisted therapy. This combination of new knowledge and profound experience was like a key turning in a long-locked door, opening up pathways in my mind I never knew existed.

I started to see my past not as a series of obstacles but as a unique set of tools. The skills I had honed for survival were, in fact, a superpower of deep self-awareness. I began to understand the intricate dance between internal and external conflicts and the role of perception, perspective, and projection in shaping our realities.

Perception, Perspective, and Projection

Perception is our window to the world, colored by the experiences we've lived through. My window was tinted by the need to constantly assess for danger, but I learned that it could also let in light, showing me the strength in vulnerability and the power of empathy.

Perspective is the angle from which we view our experiences. By shifting this angle slightly, what once seemed insurmountable can become manageable. I learned to re-frame my past, seeing it not as a series of traumas but as lessons in human behavior and resilience.

Projection is how we cast our inner thoughts and feelings onto the world. Recognizing this allowed me to differentiate between what was truly in front of me and what was a reflection of my internal state.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious?it will direct your life and you will call it fate”– Carl Jung

The journey from a vigilant child to an adult seeking understanding and connection taught me several invaluable lessons:

1. Deep Self-Awareness: Understanding yourself is the first step in understanding others. This awareness has been my compass, guiding me through interactions and decisions with a clarity I once thought impossible.
2. Embracing Change: My relationship with change evolved from fear to acceptance. Change is not only inevitable but necessary for growth. Learning to lean into small fears and embrace change as an ally was transformative.
3. The Utility of Time: Time is a tool, an advantage, and a healer. It creates distance from our experiences, offering new perspectives and the opportunity for change in direction.
4. Moral Flexibility: Life is not black and white. Embracing moral flexibility has allowed me to navigate complex situations with compassion and understanding, recognizing that everyone's story is unique.
5. Wisdom from Adversity: Every challenge carries within it the seeds of wisdom. My past has equipped me with a depth of understanding and empathy that I now see as a gift.

By re-framing our past, embracing change, and leaning into the lessons learned, we can navigate even the most difficult relationships with grace and understanding.

Much Love,

Adriana x