From Superficial to Superconnector: The Secrets to Networking that Truly Pays Off
Networking is still one of the most important things that can supercharge your success. I don’t necessarily mean networking during big events, as I addressed in How To Network Like An Introvert . I mean the day-to-day practice of building and maintaining a network of contacts that is of mutual benefit.
If you are unsure “of what’s in it for me,” consider the job market. Referrals are the most straightforward way to secure employment. According to research conducted in the United States, 55% to 67% of male workers learned about their first job through friends or relatives. On a global scale, among different demographic groups, between 25% and 40% of respondents indicated that they heard about their current position from someone they were acquainted with. Referred candidates have a higher chance of being hired compared to random candidates from the general population, even if both possess the same qualifications. Also, being referred gives you an early wage advantage and a longer tenure at the company.
Understanding the Basics of Networking
Superficial networking often involves the exchange of business cards and brief conversations with the primary aim of increasing one’s professional contacts. It’s characterized by a transactional nature, where interactions are based more on what you can gain rather than genuine engagement.
In contrast, meaningful relationship-building is rooted in authenticity and a sincere interest in others. This deeper approach to networking emphasizes the quality of connections over quantity. It involves actively listening, understanding the needs and goals of others, and finding ways to be helpful without immediate expectations of reciprocation.
By focusing on building trust and rapport, meaningful relationships foster a network that is not only more robust and supportive but also more rewarding on a personal level.
Authentic connections are created through shared experiences, empathetic engagement, and a commitment to mutual growth, making them far more valuable in the long run than a vast array of superficial contacts.
Developing the Right Mindset
In the book Give and Take , Adam Grant talks about three types of people Takers, Matchers, and Givers.
Takers believe in a winner-takes-all world order, where it's either you win or you lose. According to them, the world is highly competitive. Takers are primarily self-focused.
On the other hand, there are givers. Givers believe that there is enough abundance in the world for everyone to thrive. They prioritize the well-being of others. They often prioritize the good of others above their own, although this is not always the case.
These differences are not necessarily reflected in one's attitude towards money. Instead, it pertains more to how one interacts with others. Takers may offer help, but it is usually strategic and with the expectation of gaining more than what they give.
For givers, the mindset is different. They are willing to help, even if the costs of help outweigh the personal benefits they receive. What matters most to them is that the other person benefits.
Many of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. We are matchers. We operate on the principle of reciprocity, where we help others with the expectation that they will help us in return. We strive for balance in our interactions. We may say things like "I owe you one," fully expecting that the favor will be returned. We are concerned about fairness in the world and do not want to be taken advantage of, so we protect ourselves by adhering to the principle of reciprocity.
"Embracing a giver's mindset is crucial for effective networking and building lasting relationships."
The good news is that these styles are not ingrained in our genes. They can be changed if we desire to change them. Each of us develops a primary style throughout our lives, but we have the ability to adapt and utilize other styles when necessary. For instance, if you identify as a giver but observe that I am constantly taking from you without appreciating your efforts or abusing your kindness, you may switch your approach toward me to a matcher. You will continue giving only if you see reciprocal behavior from me. Successful givers are not selfish or selfless; they are otherish. They care about others, but they also take care of their own needs and interests.
Embracing a giving mindset rather than a taking mindset is fundamental to effective networking and building lasting relationships. A giving mindset is characterized by the intention to add value to others’ lives without the immediate expectation of getting something in return.
This approach fosters trust and respect and establishes a reputation of generosity and reliability. People are naturally drawn to those who show genuine care and interest in their well-being, making a giving mindset a powerful tool for creating meaningful connections. Moreover, when you focus on giving, whether it be in the form of support, advice, or connections, it often leads to reciprocal generosity, creating a virtuous cycle of mutual assistance and collaboration. This mindset shifts the focus from short-term gains to the development of a strong, supportive network that provides long-term benefits for all involved.
Approaching networking with a long-term perspective means viewing connections not as one-off transactions but as ongoing relationships that evolve over time. This approach requires patience, consistency, and the understanding that the most fruitful relationships are those built on solid foundations of mutual trust and respect.
Long-term networking is about nurturing connections, staying in touch, and being present in others’ professional journeys, which in turn enriches your own. Additionally, empathy and emotional intelligence play crucial roles in this process. By being empathetic, you can better understand and relate to the challenges and aspirations of others, allowing for more meaningful interactions. Emotional intelligence enables you to navigate social complexities with sensitivity and awareness, ensuring that your networking efforts are respectful, appropriate, and tuned to the needs and boundaries of others. In essence, these qualities ensure that your networking efforts are effective, deeply resonant, and fulfilling for you and the people you connect with.
Creating a Select Group of Mentors
The more people in your network, the higher the demands on your time and the less impact you will have on each individual, and they will have a negligible impact on you. You will be spread too thin. Instead of trying to connect and build relationships with five hundred people, try five. Common sense dictates that you will significantly impact their lives and build much more meaningful connections.
These five individuals will become your inner circle, and they will bring their own inner circles with them. You will benefit not only from the core five but also from their core networks. This way, every individual you let into your select group of connections will greatly impact you and your success. Their advice, passions, values, beliefs, and successes will rub off on you.
Whether we like it or not, the people we interact with most frequently profoundly impact our behavior, beliefs, and lives in general. This means that you need to be very careful and hyper-selective about who you spend the most time with. They can have a positive or negative influence on you.
Of course, you may interact with hundreds of people, but you should always make time for your core group. Make sure that you provide value, especially to these people. You will build social capital by being there for them, providing advice, help, and generally being useful and generous. And you will build it with those closest to you, those you care most about. Over time, you will accumulate enough social capital and mutually benefit from the connection. You will have a strong network of people who care about each other, can be relied upon, and bring value to one another.
Becoming a Superconnector
You want to become a superconnector who builds valuable and diverse connections and facilitates interactions between others. When building your network to help you have a successful career, forget about chasing numbers. The quality of the network is more important than its actual size.
When connecting with others, you should never ask, “What’s in it for me,” but you should always ask, “Could it be beneficial to the parties I’m connecting?” If the answer is yes, do it. The immediate benefit for you is the knowledge that you have done a good deed. The secondary benefit is that you have strengthened your relationship with the people you just connected.
“Superconnectors stand out due to their ability to build and maintain a web of diverse, deep, and mutually beneficial relationships. They focus on the quality and strength of their relationships.”
Aa Scott Gerber writes , “being what we call a ‘superconnector’ has nothing to do with supersizing your network. Rather, it’s about surrounding yourself with a carefully curated group of people who you admire and respect and with whom you share common beliefs and values — people who will set the tone for the foundation of your larger network filled with people who provide value to one another.”
What Sets Superconnectors Apart from Average Networkers?
Superconnectors stand out due to their ability to build and maintain a web of diverse, deep, and mutually beneficial relationships. Unlike average networkers who may prioritize the quantity of connections, superconnectors focus on the quality and strength of their relationships. They have a knack for bringing people together and are often seen as valuable resources within their networks. Superconnectors listen more than they speak, understand their connections’ unique strengths and needs, and actively find ways to introduce people who can benefit from each other, thereby creating a thriving ecosystem of collaboration and support.
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Leveraging Your Network to Create Value for Others
To leverage your network effectively, focus on understanding the needs and goals of your connections and think creatively about how you can help them, possibly by connecting them with others in your network. It’s about adopting a mindset of service, where you become a facilitator of opportunities for others. By doing so, you not only help your contacts but also strengthen your network as a whole. This could involve sharing knowledge, offering mentorship, or making introductions. The key is to be proactive in offering support without expecting immediate returns, thereby building a reputation as a valuable and generous member of your network.
Balancing the Size and Quality of Your Network
Achieving a balance between the size and quality of your network is crucial. While a large network provides a broad range of opportunities and resources, the depth of connections often leads to the most significant outcomes. Prioritize building meaningful relationships with a core group of contacts who provide value and resonate with your personal and professional values. It’s important to regularly assess your network, focusing on nurturing relationships that are mutually beneficial and align with your goals. Remember, a smaller, more engaged network can be more powerful than a large, superficial one.
Strategies for Maintaining and Nurturing Professional Relationships
Maintaining and nurturing professional relationships requires consistent effort and genuine interest. Regular communication is key. This could be through periodic check-ins, sharing relevant information or articles, or celebrating their successes.
Show appreciation and acknowledge the contributions of your contacts.
Attend events or arrange meet-ups where possible to strengthen bonds.
Be responsive and reliable; when someone reaches out for help or advice, do your best to assist.
Lastly, be open to feedback and willing to evolve with your relationships, understanding that as careers and lives change, so do the needs and dynamics of professional connections.
Overcoming Common Networking Challenges
Overcoming common networking challenges requires recognizing and addressing the unique obstacles one may face. Introversion, for instance, can make the prospect of networking daunting, as it often involves stepping out of one’s comfort zone to initiate conversations. Similarly, the fear of rejection can be a significant barrier, deterring individuals from reaching out and making connections. Time management is another common challenge, especially for those balancing multiple responsibilities. These challenges, while common, can hinder the effectiveness of networking efforts and prevent individuals from fully leveraging the potential benefits of a strong professional network.
Practical solutions and a shift in perspective are essential to overcome these hurdles.
The key is to approach networking with a positive attitude, understanding that it’s a gradual process and that each step, no matter how small, is a move in the right direction.
Putting It All Together
Networking remains a cornerstone of professional success. The consistent practice of building and nurturing a network of mutually beneficial contacts amplifies your career trajectory. The key lies in understanding that networking is not just about accumulating contacts but about fostering authentic, meaningful relationships. This approach is grounded in a mindset of giving.
The focus should be on the quality of your connections, nurturing a core group that resonates with your values and goals, and becoming a superconnector who facilitates meaningful interactions with others.
As you navigate the networking challenges, remember that each interaction is a step towards building a network that supports your aspirations and enriches your professional journey.
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Originally posted on my blog about management, leadership, communication, coaching, introversion, stoicism, software development, and career The Geeky Leader or follow me on Facebook and Twitter: @GeekyLeader