From Success to Significance

Between being old enough to get myself to school, like a big girl, and the turn of the century, I put effort and energy into being successful. I strived to get good grades, be fashionable rather than understanding style, have the ‘right’ friends, and earn a fabulous salary. I drove a Porsche, travelled the world, saw things, and did things. Was I happy? Did I feel good about myself and the world? I was entertained and distracted, but generally, something was missing. I compared myself to others, sought their approval, and was at the mercy of the impossible. Gosh, I sound shallow.

My judges were other people who I thought had it all worked out. I wanted to be like them, and I thought it would make me happy. But I’m older now (big smile here) and have developed the capacity to look deeper. I can see that it was more about wanting them to like me, and when I look even deeper, it was more about wanting to like myself.

Then came the long shift towards self-authored values being my guide.

The first big transitional seminal moment that I remember was enrolling in a counselling course in my twenties and the most significant thing I learned wasn’t on the curriculum. We were presented with a situation and asked to form groups and empathise with the people in the situation. I was blown away by what the other older people in my group said. I couldn’t see what they could see. I had empathy, but what I came to realise was that it was for people just like me. I hadn't developed the maturity to have empathy for people who are not like me. This realisation awakened me from what I had previously not known that I didn’t know about myself. Now this was exciting!

Real transformation begins when we notice things about ourselves and the world that were previously invisible to us.

Imagine empathy as a pair of glasses. When we start, our own biases and limited understanding smudge them. Over time, as we polish our glasses through exposure to diverse perspectives, our view of the world sharpens, and we begin to truly see others.

Research

Studies in adult development theory, particularly those by Robert Kegan, highlight the pivotal stage of personal growth as the shift from external validation (socialised mind) to self-authored frameworks (self-authoring mind). This development enables individuals to navigate complexity and ambiguity with greater authenticity and self-confidence.

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.”? – Ana?s Nin

Steps

1. Pause and Reflect: Before reacting, consider how your identity may be shaping your current view.
2. Actively Seek Diverse Perspectives: Engage with people with different backgrounds or opinions to broaden your understanding.
3. Challenge Your Assumptions: Make it a habit, and a bit of fun when you can, to question your beliefs or judgements about others or situations.
4. Practice Active Listening: Focus on understanding, not just hearing, what someone is saying without preparing your response in advance.
5. Embrace Discomfort: A bit of stress that doesn’t linger is good for us! Growth often requires stepping into unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. Use these moments as opportunities to learn.
6. Reflect on Growth: Periodically revisit your past experiences and beliefs to identify how your perspectives have shifted. Notice how much you have grown. Enjoy!

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SPEAKER PROFILE

For many years, I’ve been speaking at summits, industry conferences, and smaller bespoke events such as workshops and retreats across Australia and internationally. I’m known for masterfully connecting research and ideas to ease work challenges. Here are a couple of minutes from some recent speaking engagements.

Dr Desley Lodwick Speaker