From Sticky Fingers to Market Domination: Why Cannabis Brands Need Their Nirvana Moment

Lockdown 2020: A Post-Apocalyptic Fever Dream

It was lockdown 2020. Life looked like a dismal display of a post-apocalyptic nightmare. Not sure if breathing fresh air was even a possibility, and the cabin fever mental gymnastics I was playing resembled early Jack Nicholson vibes in the illustriously mind-bending film The Shining. (Yes, little Danny boy still frightens the shit out of me.)

We were bored. Like everyone in the world, we were bored. So outside of eating piles of the worst food, walking backward upstairs, and waving at our neighbors from behind stained glass, we dove into our creative endeavors and started to reshape our days to make something with the abundance of time we now had.

“We Have to Do Our Own Thing”

It was around this time, after a lengthy 18 months of working with a CBD startup from Arizona that imploded in spectacular fashion, my fiancée Kelly looked at me and said, “We’re done! We have to do our own thing.”

Having a culinary background and a family of world-class cooks (gotta love East Coast Italians), we dove into our kitchen and tried to make edibles. Keyword: “tried.”

WTF were we even thinking? I’m horrendous with math. I’m still convinced 2 + 2 = 8 (change my mind! Change MY mind!), and the learning curve on making edibles is a steep curve of trial and miserable error.

Sticky Fingers and Distillate Drama

If you’ve never handled distillate before, you may not understand this, but it’s the thickest-looking honey you’ve ever seen. And the moment it’s liquified enough to be usable, the second that shit hits air, it hardens up real quick.

It just so happened to get on Kelly’s fingers. Which then met her index and thumb to become one. Which, naturally, made me giggle.

This then led to us arguing, frantically pouring olive oil, soap, and everything we could think of to get those damn fingers apart. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we seporated the Siamese twins, and order was restored.

The Turning Point: A Zoom Call That Changed Everything

That disaster led us to an hour-long Zoom call with an industry veteran, and it shaped everything about our approach. For the first time, we could finally see some formality of existence and decided to go all in on making our own edibles.

Purrple Alien started as something real. Not just another cannabis brand trying to fit in, but a food and beverage company that happens to make hemp-derived products.

Cannabis Industry Chaos: Copy-Paste Brands and Forgettable Products

The cannabis industry is flooded with copy-paste brands, garbage-tasting products, and packaging that looks like every other item on the shelf. It’s like going back in time to watch every untalented reject throw on some tights and makeup to start a band that looked and sounded like M?tley Crüe for the 1,000th time. It wasn’t great then, and it surely isn’t great now.

The market’s saturated with brands playing it safe, leaving creativity off the table. But being forgettable isn’t an option for us – we want to be the brand you remember, whether you buy our products or not.

Just One Question: Is It Worth Buying Without the Infusion?

We asked ourselves one simple question: "If there was no infusion, would someone still want this?"

Throwing Out the Rulebook

That’s when we said, screw it, and tossed the rulebook out the window. Our Peanut Butter Cup Cookies – affectionately called "WhackADoodles" – aren’t just another edible. Biting into one is like grabbing a freshly baked cookie straight out of grandma’s oven (all pun but no pun intended).

Then there’s our vegan and gluten-free gummies, known as "GobGlobz." Say that five times fast. These are not your run-of-the-mill gummies. And trust me – coming from someone who is basically a gummy connoisseur – for me to say they’re one of the best gummies I’ve ever had is a big deal. But I promise you, they’re that good.

And let’s not forget our flagship beverage, the iconic "Melon Basher." All bash, no melon. It’s a totally reimagined lemonade that skips the harsh acidity most lemonades slap you with and instead brings in a refreshingly smooth watermelon flavor. It’s the kind of drink that practically demands to be poured over ice and sipped on your journey to Mars.

More Than a Product: A Ticket Back to Youth

Parents don’t just buy our products – they make events out of them. We’re their ticket to feeling young again, an excuse to call the babysitter, and a reminder of who they were before responsibility took over.

We get DM’s all the time, like this one:

"Yo! I had a little BBQ last weekend and, bro, I had my 2 friends from college and their wives flat OUT lol. My boy was straight-up on the patio chair singing Lady Gaga songs, wearing his sunglasses at night lol. I haven’t laughed that hard in a minute. Y’all put out the best sht on the planet."

Unexpected Impact: Stories That Keep Us Going

Then something even crazier happened. People with chronic pain started reaching out to tell us they’d found relief when nothing else worked.

Now, we don’t make medical claims – that’s not our thing – but hearing these stories is a powerful reminder that all the ups and downs, stress, and constant fires of running a business are worth it.

One of my mentors told me years ago: "You have to be certifiably insane to run your own business because it’s impossible. But you were built for this, which is why you can’t do anything else."

2024: A Mental Year on Every Level

To say 2024 was crazy is an understatement. Personally and professionally, it was an absolutely mental year (but more on that in another article).

As a predominantly DTC (direct-to-consumer) brand, we were hesitant to jump into retail. Why? A few reasons:

• Margins: They’re just not as strong as what we get with DTC customers.
• Capital: Breaking into retail markets requires a lot of upfront cash.
• Manufacturing Logistics: Finding the sweet spot between output vs. input is a balancing act. And if you fall off your manufacturer’s production pipeline, good luck trying to get back on because distributors don’t wait around.

We learned one thing quickly about distribution: you can have a 3-5 week onboarding process, but the moment the ball starts rolling, they want product immediately. It’s a constant juggling act, but we’ve navigated it pretty well.

Last year, we secured statewide distribution in Arkansas and Texas. Wisconsin just signed on to let us invade their counties, and Kansas is gearing up for optimal abduction frequencies next week.

The Hard Truth About Distribution

Distribution taught us shit the hard way. Some distributors have vested interests in competing brands, see us as a massive threat (of course we are), and will feed you every line under the sun to bring you into their portfolio.

Once your pallets are sitting in their warehouse – and I do mean sitting – we discovered certain distributors are invested in other brands and will bring on competing products just to keep an eye on yours. They’ll jam you up for thousands of dollars, making it nearly impossible to gain leverage in their market. Nearly..Impossible!

The Bullseye on Our Backs

What this proved to us is that we have a brand worth taking out. We have a brand that will always have a bullseye on our backs. We have a brand that is making industry heavyweights nervous because let's face it, when you want to teleport customers into a buying frenzy, what better way to do it than with a UFO, a crazy mascot named Purrple Alien, and a few cans of the best damn infused beverages you've never tried?

A Year "In the Clouds"

There are 365 days in a year, and we know that most people are happy occupying 4-5 days a week being "in the clouds," as we like to call it.

So, when markets are "slow," what we've unraveled is that no market is slow—they just aren't educated on your product... yet!

Our Hands-On Approach

We will always have an insanely hands-on approach with every market we penetrate—not as micro-managing psychos (even though I be onto some weird shit sometimes), but because these distributors are an extension of us.

We value these relationships so much and only want to do as much as we possibly can to help in every facet of turning their markets into a complete frenzy of loyal and obsessed buyers for our products.

A Nirvana Moment in the Industry

Like Nirvana did in 1991, making everyone rethink what music could be—every hair band having to hang up their tights and put away their makeup to realize how foolish they actually looked—we're here to make you absolutely enjoy infused treats or beverages.

We’re here to save you the hassle of wasting money on brands that don’t deliver and give you the confidence of knowing we do. No compromises, and (well, maybe a few disappointments because we’re only human, after all), but we’re damn proud of the results we deliver that keep you coming back for more.

Will Your Brand Survive?

Want to know if your brand will survive? Ask yourself this: If you stripped away the THC, would anyone remember your product tomorrow?

If not, you're just another cover band that never got onto the national circuit in a market screaming for its next "Nirvana" moment to wash away the mediocrity so many brands fall victim to when they could have just come as they were.

?RIP Kurt Cobain - Pour one out for the homie?

Ready for a Purrple Alien Invasion?

PSA for all distributors: If you're interested in getting a Purrple Alien invasion in your state, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re always stoked to connect with forward-thinking individuals who are ready to dominate their markets. But don’t wait too long—opportunities to work with us are limited, and we’re looking for partners who are ready to act now. Let’s teleport your customers into a frenzy and create a wave your competitors won’t see coming. ??

Mike Casavant

#retail #foodandbeverage #distribution #cannabisindustry #dtcbrand