From Savior to Partner: Recognizing and Transforming Our Impact
?? The journey from saviorism to Partnering begins with honest self-reflection about how we respond when survivors make choices different from our recommendations. Many of us may recognize ourselves in these patterns:
?? When Control is Lost, Trauma and Command And Control Surfaces
Have you noticed feeling personally wounded or victimized when a survivor doesn't follow your suggested path? This visceral response often stems from our own trauma around lack of control. We might experience anxiety, frustration, even anger, and outrage - not because the survivor is wrong, but because we're triggered by our inability to direct their choices.
? When "Right" Becomes Rigid and Weaponized
Some people have strong convictions about the "right way" to heal, to parent, to live in relationship, or to rebuild after abuse. Some people have very strong convictions about how to live, how to identify with our bodies, and what to believe. When they bring those strong convictions to diverse communities, they often harm, feeling entitled to impose those on others. They are empowered to remove access, rights, consent, choice. When survivors choose differently and hold different cultural, family, religious values, we may feel personally affronted, outraged, and even victimized by their autonomy, self-determination and rights. This reaction reveals more about our need to impose our values on others, than about what survivors actually need.
??? When Systems Enable Saviorism
Many of us work within systems and methodologies that validate command and control approaches under the guise of "best practices" or "evidence-based interventions." We may use our professional authority to override survivor choices, to usurp their self-determination, to remove access to resources, to undermine their contact with their children believing we have a mandate to "save them from themselves."
?? The Path to True Partnership
The antidote to saviorism is genuine partnership. Here's what this transformation looks like in practice:
?? Instead of feeling threatened by a survivor's different choices, we can:
? ?? Take a breath and examine our emotional response
? ?? Remind ourselves that maintaining their rights, autonomy and consent is crucial for healing and for their safety
? ?? Get curious about their reasoning and expertise of the perpetrator's patterns
? ? Trust that they know their situation best (Ah! That's a hard one isn't it?)
?? Rather than imposing our values, we can:
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? ??♀? Acknowledge our beliefs as personal, not universal truths
? ??? Respect diverse paths to safety and healing
? ?? Offer information about their choices while honoring self-determination
? ?? Celebrate when survivors make empowered choices
?? Where we might have used professional authority to control, we can:
? ?? Share power deliberately
? ?? Provide options without pressure
? ?? Document strengths and protective efforts
? ?? Advocate for systems change that respects survivor autonomy
? Partnership isn't just ethically right - it's effective. When we release our need to control outcomes, survivors are more likely to:
? ??? Share crucial information about risk and safety
? ?? Engage authentically in services
? ?? Build on their existing protective strategies
? ??? Create sustainable changes that work for their family
?? Moving forward requires ongoing self-awareness. Notice when you feel that urge to override a survivor's choices. Recognize it as your issue to work through, not theirs to accommodate. Remember that true partnership - while sometimes challenging our need for control - creates better outcomes than saviorism ever could.
? Let's commit to examining our practice honestly and moving toward partnership that truly honors survivor wisdom and autonomy. The safety and wellbeing of the families we serve depends on it.
Domestic Violence Practitioner
2 个月As a Domestic Violence Practitioner I actually start with a general conversation of what is going on for the Survivor overall and let them disclose or not disclose as they wish.. I also take the approach that what they tell me or how and when they move forward is up to them, and I will support however I can. I often find that child care assistance, self care, isolation and basic living needs I.e. food/clothing are some of the main things identified by the survivor. Gaining some support with any of this can take so much pressure off and provide space to think about 'what next and 'when.. One step at a time.
Inspiring, informing, and advancing domestic abuse-informed change across the globe.
2 个月An example of this is the idea that survivors "owe" professionals disclosures. While this is not overtly said, it is built into our expectations that a survivor of violence and abuse will open to up to a stranger, even one who genuinely wants to be supportive, in a short amount of time while faced with unknown often dangerous consequences to sharing about the victimization, e.g. a negative system response or the perpetrator's retaliation. Professionals, pressurized by timelines and responsibilities to manage safety and a desire to make things better, want and expect a survivor to open up, and will often use language like "she's in denial" when that survivor doesn't share what has they have experienced. This is neither trauma or domestic abuse-informed. Survivors' have a right to control when and to whom they share their own experience with. And this means professionals approach them with deep respect for their autonomy and agency and humility--do not label a survivor who isn't ready to or doesn't feel safe enough to share their experience as "being in denial." Instead reflect on how well the systems, and yourself, are approaching her as a true parter and collaborator in her safety and the safety of the children.