As someone who has navigated the complex terrain of trauma responses firsthand, I’ve come to understand the deeper implications of what many of us experience, particularly over-explaining. This isn’t just a habit; it’s a window into our past traumas, influencing how we interact with the world today. Here’s what I’ve learned and how it might help you too:
- Recognizing Over-Explaining: Often, we may not even realize we’re doing it. Over-explaining can be a subtle sign of past situations where we felt constantly on the defensive, needing to justify every action or decision to avoid criticism or conflict.
- The Need to Please: This behaviour is typically rooted in an intense desire to keep the peace and make others happy, which may seem noble but often comes at the cost of our own mental health.
- Trauma Varies Widely: Understanding that trauma doesn’t look the same for everyone is key. Being trauma-informed means recognizing that people’s responses to trauma, including over-explaining, are as varied as their experiences.
- FAWNING: A Survival Strategy: The fawn response, which includes over-explaining, is a strategy used to diffuse tension and avoid potential threats by trying to appease others.
- Over-Explaining Vs. Over-Sharing: It’s crucial to distinguish between these two. While over-explaining involves giving more detail than necessary, often preemptively, over-sharing is about divulging personal information inappropriately, which stems from a different kind of vulnerability.
- It’s Not Your Identity: Understanding that this behavior is not a permanent part of who you are can be liberating. It’s a learned response that can be unlearned with patience and practice.
- Responses to Fear: The fight, flight, fawn, and freeze responses are all ways our bodies protect us. Recognizing which response you’re exhibiting can help you address it more effectively.
- Self-Care & Therapy: Finally, learning to identify triggers, practicing self-care, and seeking therapy can profoundly change how you respond to stress and trauma. If you don't heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on those who didn't cut you.
Takeaway for You: If you find yourself over-explaining, take a moment to ask why. Understanding your motivations can help you start to heal and change your response patterns. Remember, seeking professional help and practicing self-awareness are critical steps towards recovery. I've come a long way from asking myself- why is this happening to me- why is this trying to tell me.
By sharing these insights, I hope to not only illuminate a path to understanding but also to empower you to recognize and manage your trauma responses more effectively. We’re all in this journey together, learning from each other’s experiences and building a more compassionate professional environment.
