From Patterns to Peace: Faith, Hope, and Life as a Step, Mum

Let’s face it, being a step-mum isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s like stepping onto a rollercoaster without a seatbelt, no map, and a bunch of passengers who might not be thrilled you’re on the ride. Add in the daily chaos of life, and it’s no wonder you sometimes catch yourself wondering: “Is this normal, or have I officially crossed into insanity?”?

Sophia is 9, soon to be 10. When she found out that her dad and I married she was devastated. She cried and said to her dad "I thought we were family?", as though somehow all her fortnightly visits were null and void. Nobody got an invite. It was out wedding we decided.

No love lost, but it most likely created perspective for Sophia. Her mum and dad were never getting back together. Even in my ripe age I want my parents to sort there isms out.

When I listened to the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin, I knew she was my cup of tea. No, I’m not the kind of step-mum who believes allowing the children to be overly permissive will win me love. They do love me, but having clear boundaries, with flexibility, of course, makes a world of difference.?

The plan was simple: date someone I really wanted to be with. Becoming a step-mum? That wasn’t on the agenda. In fact, when we were dating, I told my husband that if I’d been smarter, I might not have even gone out with him. Why? Because sometimes I don’t want this role. Don’t get me wrong, I’m forced into nothing.?

It dawned on me later: it wasn’t about his children; I simply liked him. A lot. Have you ever felt set up by God? Honestly, marrying this man was one of my better decisions in life.?

Some might call it mean, but a touch of nonchalance helps keep me emotionally balanced when the step-kids and step, granddaughter visit.?

I’m grateful for laughter every single day, even when I don’t feel great. Because let’s be honest, if I truly understood everything driving some of my behaviour, it might be a horror story, in my mind at least. But here’s the thing, hidden in all that chaos are patterns. Yes, patterns, like how the dog only gets fed when you do it, or how “We’ll do it later” is really code for “You’ll do it eventually.”?

These patterns, though frustrating, are your breadcrumbs leading to something bigger: clarity, faith, and (dare I say it?) hope.?

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Faith, Patterns, and Creativity: Hidden Patterns in Step Mum Life?

Families have quirks, but stepfamilies? They’re a masterclass in unpredictability. My journey has involved tolerating the biological mum while building a relationship with a little person who really digs me, even if their mum might secretly wish I’d disappear. (OK, I’m kidding… maybe!)?

These patterns, as maddening as they seem, offer insight. They’re roadmaps to growth and connection. By observing with curiosity rather than judgment, even when my body’s saying, “Ugh, this feels uncomfortable”, I’ve found opportunities for growth. And yes, humour.?

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Faith, Redefined for Step Mums?

My conscious faith journey began when I was 10 years old. I remember deciding that the blonde Caucasian doll my mum bought me had to go. Why didn’t my brothers have dolls, not even a Ken doll? It sparked questions about gender politics, and I had an open mind to explore them. That curiosity eventually deepened my faith in something bigger than myself.?

Faith in stepmum life isn’t just spiritual, it’s practical. It’s trusting that one day your stepkids will laugh at your jokes, or at least stop rolling their eyes.?

Spirituality doesn’t have to be grand. It can be as simple as journaling, sewing, or crafting. These creative outlets reconnect you to yourself, helping you navigate the ups and downs with grace.?

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Sanity vs. Insanity in the Blended Family World?

Where’s the line between sanity and insanity? Talking to yourself while folding laundry? Sanity. Talking to the laundry because no one else listens? Debatable.?

Step parenting often blurs those lines, but creativity offers grounding. Paint your frustrations onto a canvas, collage your way to calm, or dance like no one’s watching (except maybe the dog). Creativity isn’t just a distraction, it’s a lifeline.?

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Hope: The Glue Holding It All Together?

Hope is believing that family game night won’t end in tears… but being OK if it does. It’s the quiet belief that small moments of connection can add up to something beautiful.?

Engage in acts that reignite hope. Sew a quilt that tells your family’s story. Dance in the kitchen and invite everyone to join. These tiny, creative acts remind you that beauty exists, even amidst the mess.?

Faith, hope, and sanity aren’t mythical, they’re just hiding between the layers of chaos. If you can’t find them today, create something beautiful in the meantime. Even if it’s just macaroni art.?

Go on,

Embrace You Play More!

P.S. I am looking for 5 Step mums who would like to join Draw in Your Bliss Accelerator in January 2025 and if you prefer 1, 2, 1, I have two spots left in February 2025.?

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Hi, I’m Jo, your Creative Doulah, creatively changing lives for compassionate & gracious step, mums to own their purpose, live their vision, heal their hearts, and transform their money story, because it's time to thrive unapologetically!?

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