From Panic to Peanut Butter…

It’s a week before my twins turn 1 and I’ve found myself reflecting back to where I was a year ago. I remember the initial shock of finding out that I was having twins and quickly realising that I would have ‘3 under 3’ on top of an already busy job.

I was in such a state of panic, that my brain couldn’t compute how this would all be possible. How would I continue to work in a senior position and be a mom to two babies and a toddler?

One of the first things I did was frantically try and research articles written by moms that had gone before me. Surely, there must be a mom who has had more kids,?in a more senior position, who has done it?

Someone who had gone before me and figured it all out? ?I was desperate to find any literature to tell me “It’s going to be alright”

I vividly remember scouring the internet for anything I could hang onto… A list I could tick that would give me the answers I was looking for. Needless to say, I never found it.

Only a short year later – these have been some of my biggest learnings and reflections:?

1. If it feels hard, it’s because it is hard. Motherhood is wonderful, but also so much harder than we could ever have imagined.? Maybe it’s that gap between our expectations and reality that truly breaks us.? It’s hard, but it’s also supposed to be hard. I find that I can quickly wish time away or keep living for the next season, which I tell myself will be easier. I spend so long looking for the quick fixes, or that magic formula that will help me to survive this, but in actual fact, I’m learning to lean into the messy middle.?
2. The presence of a village makes it more bearable to wade through all the sleep deprivation, tantrums and sickness without feeling overwhelmed, anxious or depleted. Find your village – be it family, neighbours, friends. Learn to lean on them – people want to help you.?
3. Remember the peanut butter sandwich – sometimes we can be tempted to give our family “the roast” but in actual fact, a peanut butter sandwich is all they need. It’s equally wholesome and nutritious – look for the moments when you don’t need to put pressure on yourself for “the roast” and when a peanut butter sandwich will suffice.

Parenting is one of the hardest things we might ever attempt to do in our lives – at least parenting in the way so many attempt to do it these days – showing up for your child day after day, in a respectful, conscious way, while juggling a full time job and running a busy household.

I don’t know any perfect moms (or dads). I definitely don’t see one looking back in the mirror, but I know a heck of a lot of working moms & dads who show up…. day in and day out. They don’t get it perfect, but they show up in the mess, with the people who need them most. Choosing to be absolutely all in. Daily heroes.

There is not a day that is lost on me, that I get to call these three babies mine. So a year later, while I continue to try and juggle the balance, I remind myself that, the things in life that require an all in investment and sacrifice, are also the things that bring the richest of blessings and purpose.

I hope that one day,? a new young mom will be able to take solace from these words – and find a little glimmer of hope? knowing that they are not alone, and It’s going to be alright.