From Panic Attack to Purposeful Impact

Dear Leader,?

The biggest lesson I learned about owning your differences and talents came about as I laid on a gurney in a sterile, cold, and lonely emergency room.????

Looking Back: 5 Months Before?

After yet another reorganization (it seems to be a common thread in banking), I started a new job at a new company.?

I remember the hiring manager being excited about my fresh expertise and perspective that I would add to their leadership team. But once I got settled, I realized things weren’t so fresh, nor exciting. ?

The team I oversaw was at the bottom of the barrel. Truly, it couldn’t get any worse. They were ranked 298/300. Yet, it was the biggest portfolio under my manager’s region.?

Talk about pressure to flip things around at warp speed. ?

By 5 months in, my different, unique approach and leadership style came to a halt. We were getting results, but they weren’t coming in fast enough. My manager amplified the pressure of reaching the results, and if we didn’t in a certain timeframe, I’d have to conform to doing it his way. ?

Even though my previous micro-manager “leader” was no longer in the picture, this sent me into an unwarranted flashback that I quickly wanted to escape from. ?

The pressure became too much, and I gave in to trying it his way, which meant check-ins 3 times per day (morning, afternoon, evening). And if the team wasn’t reaching their expected results, I had to design a detailed action plan for a way forward.?

This wasn’t my style of selling and leading people at all, and it conflicted with who I was and my purpose. To say that I was devastated about my fresh approach being pushed to the side was an understatement. I knew it would work; it just needed time?

But no time seemed to be enough?for my manager. ?

My breath gets shallow and my heart races even when I think about it today.?

I cringe as I recall the copious sleepless nights this intense pressure caused.?

If only that had been the worst side effect.?

Looking Back: Fast Forward 5 Months?

It was an April, spring day. ?

I remember walking into my office’s foyer when suddenly a jolt of pain raged across the left side of my chest and down into my arm.?

When my arm went numb, I thought to myself: Am I having a heart attack??

As it was a new position, I didn’t say anything to my colleagues. I just grabbed my purse and keys, and somehow managed to drive myself to the hospital. ?

I thought I could handle the pressure, but my body told me otherwise. ?

I can picture it now: laying on the gurney in the sterile, white space, with wires attaching me to an EKG machine (it’s not how I thought I’d be spending my workday).?

As the nurse took my blood test while battling?giant elephant tears, I thought to myself: How did I get here? How did I allow myself to once again compromise my health and well-being for work???? ?

Now?

I’m happy to share it wasn’t a heart attack, but a panic attack. ?

Painful and embarrassing? Yes. But this situation made me realize that living a life of who others wanted me to be and what they wanted me to do would cost me my life. ?

From that day, I vowed to?live and work differently and live out the purpose I was created for, in the way I was meant to do it. I literally went back to work after and told my manager I couldn’t do it his way anymore, that he had to believe in me and trust in my methods to get us to the finish line, the right way. ?

And guess what? When I approached it my way, we soared and met goals. Over the next six months, my team rolled up their sleeves and did the work, leveraging their unique skills and strengths. Together we rallied our way to the top of the scoreboard.?

Dear leader, you’re designed with a unique DNA, a Brilliant Difference. You were born with a specific set of skills, with a precise delivery style to impact those you work with. Advocate for your talents. Have the confidence to speak up for yourself and your abilities. No one can take your Brilliant Difference from you, and you deserve to live it out to your fullest every day you show up to work.?

And it shouldn’t cost you your health or life. ?

Don’t wait for a panic attack. Listen to your body, prioritize your health, get confident in your talents, and your career success will follow.?

Sincerely,?

Finka Jerkovic ?