From Negative to Nurturing: Building Supportive ADHD Circles

Being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) means having to figure out how to navigate a society made for neurotypicals and all the challenges that come along with that. This can feel daunting and isolating, but it is so important to remember that you are not alone in this journey.

There are millions of adults worldwide learning of their adhd diagnosis and going through the same process of what the next steps are. While it is exciting to learn of the potential community and camaraderie, it's essential to focus on building a supportive ADHD circle.

Unfortunately, many online ADHD communities tend to dwell on difficulties and complaints, which can be counterproductive and discouraging. In this article, we'll explore what a supportive ADHD circle looks like and why it is important to find.

Negativity Circle vs Positivity Circle

Research has shown that connection and community are essential components to living a happy, healthy life. Given this, I spend a lot of time looking into ADHD support groups and forum pages to see the different groups that my clients may benefit from. Unfortunately, there tends to be two main results:

1. Professional help websites: Fantastic for making changes and securing expert, evidence-based information, but doesn’t really allow for interactions with others.
2. Online groups/forum pages: Focused on the challenges of ADHD with no constructive feedback on how to foster growth or validation of feelings. Often times, it’s other commenting on their own emotions around similar struggles, which can lead to everyone feeling more discouraged.

You should absolutely share the challenges and difficulties you face, it’s imperative that you do. However, we want a community that fosters encouragement and empowerment rather than hopelessness and distraught. People who have been there before and found solutions, people currently experiencing the same issue and problem-solving together, sharing information and resources. We want people in our life that validate us and challenge us to continue growing. We want to avoid a rabbit-hole of doom and gloom which reinforces all those negative thoughts that led us to waiting support.

?? What Happens With Negative Circles

Normally, I would just want to focus on all the benefits that a positive circle brings, but I do think it’s important to discuss what happens when we surround ourselves with negativity. There are real consequences to be on the lookout for!

Best case scenario is that you stay stagnant. We don’t push ourselves to set new goals and take new approaches, but stay where we are at with acceptance (or more likely disappointment). We accept that this is the best we get and it is what it is. There’s no motivation or drive.

Worst case scenario is we completely lose hope, direction, and purposefulness. Our anxiety and depression spikes as the challenges continue and our peers point out our flaws, lack of change, and their own feelings of helplessness. It can feel like there’s no point as it will always be hard. Our self-esteem drops and we can begin to hate who we are and feel worthless.

Negativity heightens our stress levels putting people at risk of insomnia, anxiety, a suppressed immune system, and an increase in anger and frustration. Stress also impacts our decision-making skills, memory, and focus which are key executive functions already impacted by ADHD. If there are no healthy ways to express and cope with challenges, people tend to turn to unhealthy habits like emotional eating, emotional spending, substance abuse, drinking, etc. as a way to handle it all.

? The Benefits of Positive Support Groups

Pretty much flip everything from the negative circles, in this healthy environment, your stress levels lower and oxytocin (the love chemical) is released helping you feel at ease. Your executive functions improve and you feel more resilient. Your immune system strengthens and your life expectancy increases. Your more likely to adopt healthy habits and feel inspired by your peers to make beneficial life changes. Your sense of self-esteem and worth continues to grow as you admire your progress and others validate your experiences.

?? Tips to Determine if Your Support Group Fosters Growth

Look at the mindset ??: Are members showing a growth mentality? That maybe we don’t have the answers yet, maybe things are frustrating and hard right now, bu that things still have the possibility to be solved. Do people set goals for themselves? Or do members show more of a fixed mindset? They are good at what they are good at, bad at what they are bad at. Nothing will ever change.

They share success stories ?? : it’s not just about problem-solving, but celebrating each others’ milestones and mini-wins as you go. Recognition can be a great motivator with ADHD to complete goals and those surrounding you should be rooting you on (just like you rooting them on!) In negative circles, you can feel like you aren’t supposed to share when things go well or feel guilty for celebrating when others are still struggling.

Shared spotlight?? : People can post about their own experiences and others can relate with the intention of keeping the focus on the poster. Conversations aren’t redirected to our own issues, but rather allow for everyone to have a moment of attention.

Accountability ??: Can the group problem-solve to see what you can do differently or what the obstacles are? Can they push you and give you a nudge when they feel you have more to give? Or are posts met with criticism and judgement that makes others feel ashamed when goals aren’t reached or discourage honesty about why it was difficult.

Personalization ????: Everyone is allowed to have their own path and approach goals in their own unique way. Creativity and out-of-the-box thinking is rewarded and everyone feels they can experiment. There are no “you shouldn’t do it that way” or “well I do this and it’s better” comments that make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Conclusion

Individuals with ADHD should find communities that emphasize support, positivity, community, and empowerment. By building each other up and going through the journey together, you can not only improve your own life, but improve others’ lives and build a more inclusive and understanding society. Finding or building a community can be difficult, but it’s well worth the effort.

Author Information: Alex is Lead Coach & Community Manager at Shimmer ADHD Coaching. She graduated with her Masters of Science in Psychology and has worked with neurodivergent children, adolescents, and adults across ages. She specializes in emotion regulation, boundaries, relationships, and self-esteem.