From Monologue to Dialogue: The Shift to Bidirectional Conversation

This is a real story.

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A friend of mine, Ada (anonym), has just finished her first month working in a 5-stars hotel in Macau. She and her boss sat down and had a conversation about her performance. Her boss generally liked her work ethic and expertise. He also commented on her areas of improvement. Towards the end of the conversation, he asked Ada for her thoughts – her general feeling about working there, what she liked and didn’t like. Ada said to me that she was surprised by her boss’s asking. She had worked in a number of 5-stars hotels in the past, Macau and abroad, but none of her previous boss had done the same – asked her for input during a performance review meeting. Being positively surprised by her boss, Ada gladly gave her opinion about her 1-month experience. According to Ada, it was a “constructive, genuine, and pleasant conversation”. Not only did they exchange valuable thoughts about Ada’s work, they have deepened their relationship through the honest, bidirectional dialogue. Ada felt valued, and she was ready to continue devoting her heart to do a great job there.

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That’s the end of the story. Nothing groundbreaking or revolutionary – just a conversation. However, as Ada pointed out, it was not common to have a 2-way conversation during a performance review. Readers may take a moment to reflect on your experience – did your boss ever give you a chance to voice your thoughts during a performance conversation? Did you feel comfortable telling the truth? Did your boss genuinely listen to what you said, or just pretended listening?

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In this article, I will first examine the reasons why a bidirectional conversation is not conducted at the workplace, then I will explore the “why” and “how” of conducting such conversation. Finally, I will talk about when it is NOT a good time to do a 2-way communication.

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Why we are not used to converse bidirectionally in performance review? There are 3 reasons:

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1. Perception

The purpose of a performance review (PR) is to examine the performance of the staff during a specific period, and come up with recommendations for improvement. The way we conduct it may be influenced by how we perceived it. For example, you are a manager today and you are going to conduct a PR with your staff. How do you know how to conduct it? You followed how PR was conducted before you became a manager. You role-modelled it. If your previous managers didn’t attempt a bidirectional conversation in the past, it is likely that you won’t either.

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Can we challenge the status quo and do it in a different way? Of course we can. But in reality, very few people do that.

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2. Lack of psychological safety

Some managers may think that they have invited the staff to voice, but either the staff has nothing to say, or the comments tend to be superficial. Hence, the manager dismisses the invitation of comments. There are many reasons why a staff member has nothing to say despite the invitation to speak. According to my experience and observation, one common reason is the lack of psychological safety in the team. The staff member didn’t feel safe to speak from the heart, fearing that the genuine comment may create negative impact on himself. Hence, he chooses either not to talk about it or sugarcoat it. Psychological safety is a big topic that I don’t intend to talk extensively here, but the lack of it is a contributing factor why a bidirectional conversation is not considered.

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3. Fear of the unknown

?Junior managers may be reluctant to conduct 2-way conversation because they don’t want to take the risk. If you invite the staff to voice, you don’t really know what he is going to say. What if he says something you don’t know how to respond, or he asks for something out of your control? It’s like opening the Pandora’s box – you are taking a risk of the unknown. Hence, it is much safer if you could keep the conversation mostly in your control by doing most of the talking yourself.

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We have talked about the “Why-not” of a two-way conversation in a performance review, I will now provide three reasons why you might want to consider doing it.

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1. Increase staff engagement

This is human nature. It feels flattery to get invited to comment, especially in Ada’s case when she was a new hire. By inviting the staff member to give her voice, it shows your recognition and you value her input. Ada told me that she felt motivated to work hard after the conversation because she “has a say” at work.

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2. Collect valuable information otherwise inaccessible

Inviting the staff member to provide his input during a PR meeting allows the manager to collect valuable information he otherwise has no access to. In the modern workplace, the division of labor is highly structured, with each staff responsible for a tiny piece of the puzzle. The good thing about this is efficiency. The potential drawback is the lack of understanding on each other’s situation if communication falls behind. That’s why I am a big proponent of the “Management by Wandering Around” concept. Another way to close the communication gap is to genuinely ask the staff member for input in PR meetings or alike.

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3. Create a legacy

I have mentioned that the way you conducted a bidirectional PR meeting may be shaped by how it was conducted on you as a junior member. Although you can’t turn back the clock to change how it was done in the past, you may shape how it will be done in the future by changing how it is done now. Monkey see, monkey do. The way Ada’s boss conducted a 2-way conversation now may become the role-model of how Ada will conduct it as a manager in the future. You are literally creating a legacy.

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Now you know the benefits of the two-way conversation, let’s explore how to do it effectively.

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1. Manage expectation

Before the PR meeting, tell your staff member that you will invite him to give his comment during the conversation. This is especially important if 2-way conversation is not a norm in your team. Giving a hint in advance will allow your staff to collect their thoughts in advance, making the comments you receive more valuable.

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2. Create the appropriate environment

Pick a place that is free from noise and distraction. Silent your phone and place it out of eyesight. The visible existence of a mobile phone, despite being silent, is a mental distraction. Put it away.

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3. Two Opens – open-mind and open-ended questions

This is about communication skills. Ask open-ended questions to explore and dig deep. Listen attentively. One person speaks at a time. Embrace what you hear with an open mind. Don’t rush to defend or respond anything at that moment. If things are not urgent, it’s always to your advantage to collect your thoughts and respond after the meeting.

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4. Acknowledge and appreciate

Regardless what you hear, always acknowledge and thank your staff member for his input. You may not agree with the input he gave or may not find it useful, but you should always appreciate your staff member taking a risk to tell you his thoughts. Your appreciation gesture will increase the level of psychological safety in the team.

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5. End with a positive note

Let’s face it. Performance review meeting is not always beautiful. Sometimes you will have to tell the hard things. Sometimes it may be your staff member who brings up a difficult topic. In any case, try to close off the meeting with a positive note. You may highlight a significant achievement that your staff member has done, or a positive direction that you both long for. The recency effect makes us remember the last part of a conversation. A positive ending can leave us feeling more hopeful and motivated rather than discouraged.

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We have explored extensively on the “why” and “how” of bidirectional conversation. Now I want to flip it on its head and talk about when not to use it. Almost all management and leadership practices are situational – there are situations you want to use it and others you want to avoid. Here’s situations you should NOT use a two-way conversation:

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1. Provide immediate feedback

Imagine you found that an email that your staff member sent out contained obvious grammatical mistakes and typos. In this case, you should provide immediate feedback to the staff – pointing out what went wrong, how the mistake might impact the team or the company, and what immediate actions and preventive measures the staff member should take. In such scenario, a dominated conversation by the manager is preferrable. Is there any value conducting a 2-way conversation – it depends. If you believe that the staff member is mature enough to self-correct in the future, you could practice a coaching conversation and let him come up with actions by himself. Otherwise, providing one-way constructive feedback is more efficient and impactful.

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2. Handle crisis situation or intense emotion

If the situation is urgent or involves crisis, such as accidents, you may not want to take your time to dance around in a conversation. Diffusing the intense situation and preventing further harm from happening will be the priority. When the immediate crisis has been dealt with, the manager could practice bidirectional conversation with his team to dig deep for the root cause and come up with preventive measures.

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By the same token, if the situation involves intense emotion, such as interpersonal conflicts, the manager in charge should aim to dissolve the emotion at once. Bidirectional conversation is a rational behavior. However, human is not able to converse rationally with intense emotions. First deal with the emotions, only then should rational conversation be conducted.

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Epilogue

We used to say that communication is important at the workplace. One way to immediately improve communication at work is to practice bidirectional conversation. We have explored the “why not”, “why”, “how”, and “when not” in this article. Practicing it seems like an obvious choice. However, you would be surprised how many managers do not practice it at work. At least for Ada, this is her first-time experience in a performance review meeting.

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Most staff members have more to say than you might think. Because of cultural practices, perceptions, or other reasons, they may rather hide their thoughts in their mind. Don’t let this happen to you. You now are equipped with knowledge and skill to turn it around.