From Mistrust to Trust: Exploring Erickson’s 8 Stages of Development

There I was, sitting in a kids coaching course learning about Erikson’s 8 stages of development. “Before the age of 2, a child will learn to either trust in themselves and the world to meet their needs, or they will develop mistrust”. For some reason this struck a cord, and I noticed a tear running down my cheek.

Erikson’s 8 Stages Of Development

Erik Erikson was a psychologist from back in the mid-1900s who developed a theory that he believed described how the personality is formed. His theory was that personality is formed in a series of stages that are influenced by the social experiences in a person's life (Cherry K. 2022).

Erikson characterised each stage of development with a pair of opposing psychological qualities that he believed correspond to the types of conflict that arise during this period of a person's life. If the person is successful in dealing with the conflict, they will emerge with newfound strengths (Mcleod S. 2023). If not, they may develop some not-so-positive characteristics instead.

For example, between the ages of 2 to 4, children begin to interact with other children. This gives them the opportunity to start thinking for themselves and coming up with things to do. During this period, if a child is encouraged to make their own decisions, they will learn to take initiative. Alternatively, if they are discouraged from pursuing their own activities, they will develop a sense of guilt for having desires. This is only one of the eight stages, and you can learn more about the others in the images below.

Eight stages, across your life, half of which occur before you even develop the cognitive ability to process what is going on. That’s huge, right? And what is the objective of it all? To find some ‘healthy’ balance, so that we are able to develop a strong sense of self and meaning.

What does all this mean?

Although it may seem like there is an obvious ‘right’ way of being, Erikson believed that the ideal outcome was not to fall 100% to either side of the conflict. Although it is important for someone to develop a sense of trust, we also don’t want them to become so trusting that they end up being naive and taken advantage of. It's all about balance. Funny how that word always pops up!

I think the important thing to remember with this, as with anything in this space, is that there is no textbook scenario in real life. The conflict that may have led you to develop a stronger sense of guilt over initiative may not have had the same impact on your sibling. That doesn’t make you better or worse, right or wrong; it just is what it is. Rather than using this theory as a way to find something wrong with you, use it as a tool for you to identify what led you or someone in your life to be the person that they are today. It gives you perspective.

What It Meant For Me

So coming back to those tears. Why on earth did learning about this strike a cord?

Something you may or may not know about me is that my parents split when I was quite young. I don’t have many memories from this period of my life, but when I heard the words, trust vs mistrust, tears came into my eyes. Straight away, my trainer was able to pinpoint where it was coming from. Divorce. Second child in the family being born. Lots going on, and maybe, some of my needs were not quite being met. Of course, my parents were doing an amazing job, but for some reason, I developed a sense of mistrust in that the world would provide me with the things that I needed. A mistrust that I didn’t even realize was being formed and carried with me into the next stage of my development.

What was the outcome? Control. Hyper-independence. A need to be in control of all that was happening in life because it was the only way I could guarantee that my needs were being met. I was in fear of an inconsistent and unpredictable world. And so what did I do to reduce that fear? Control it all. Attempting to control the uncontrollables. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it? And all of this developed before the age of 2. Wow. Crazy, right?

But knowing this didn’t mean I was broken, or that I had an excuse for being the way that I was. Rather, it shone a light on something that I didn’t know before. And gave me an opportunity to grow.

Power of Change

So if you are anything like me, I have no doubt that you are sitting there thinking, ‘Yep… I’ve got that one’ or ‘Shit, this makes so much sense now.’ Just remember, the reality of it is, nothing is permanent.

Maybe this is just another theory, or maybe it is the truth, I don’t know, but I can honestly say that I truly believe nothing is permanent. Just because you may have carried this burden of mistrust your whole life does not mean that you have to carry it moving forth. Just because you feel that you developed a sense of dependency in your life does not mean that you have to carry it with you forever. The choice really is with you, and you have the ability to change. If you want to, of course.

In saying this, I believe there are 2 important things to remember whenever you start to explore this world:

1. It’s no one's fault - it doesn’t serve anyone to sit here thinking ‘my parents f***ed me up’ because guess what, they didn’t. They did an absolutely incredible job raising you into the person that you are today. But now, the power sits with you to make a change if you feel the time is right.
2. It’s protected you up to now - whichever side of the conflict that you fall, your mind was doing what it felt that it had to, to keep you safe. That’s pretty damn incredible. It has served you up to now and gotten you to this point in life. So thank it for taking you this far, even if it may be time to make some changes.?

Reality For Teens?

Now call me crazy, but when I look at this model I see ‘teenage years = exploration stage”. That phase where teenagers start to rebel, try new things, and do everything you tell them not to do, it’s just their way of trying to find their identity. They need to use this stage as a way to develop a sense of self, identify their role, and explore their values and beliefs. This gives them a fighting chance to find their independence, trust in themselves, and develop a sense of security.

Now I am not saying that we should be letting our teens run wild, but it’s important to allow them to explore. As humans, we are programmed to want to be part of the tribe, and it’s during this stage where we are deciding what exactly that looks like for us. And so no, there is no mold that our teens ‘need’ to fit in; they need to create their own. So that way we avoid identity crisis and allow them to answer the big ‘what do I want to do with my life?’ question, all on their own.

I also want to highlight, the adolescent stage of development extends beyond year 10, when our teens are first asked that big tough question. So it is okay if they change their mind. At the end of the day, isn’t it more important for our teens to feel as though they are part of society, with a strong sense of self, rather than trying to fit into a mold that others are telling them they should fit?

Note for the Parents?

I thought that it was important for me to put a quick note in here for any parents reading this.

You didn’t f*** up your child.

As I don’t have children myself, one thing I didn’t realize until I started working with parents was the amount of responsibility and guilt that you feel for the things that happen in your child's life.

Yes, maybe there were some things that could have gone better along the way. But if it weren't for those things, you would not be here today. Right in this very moment, reading this article and uncovering all of the things you are now going to go out and share with the people in your life.

My Final Thoughts

I mentioned it before, but I am going to say it again; nothing is permanent. Just because this model may suggest that you have developed some unhealthy ways of thinking doesn’t mean that they need to stay with you forever. There is tons of research out there that looks into our ability to change as humans. So all I suggest is that you use this model to help you uncover some of the areas where you may have adopted some unhealthy characteristics. Because once you have the awareness of what these things are, you have the ability to make the decision to change, if you believe that it is no longer right for you.

Ultimately, this is just another theory. One of the many that exist in an attempt to explain why humans are the way they are. But at the end of the day, does it really matter? If this has helped you to uncover something about yourself that you no longer want to carry with you, then great. If this has helped you to better understand someone in your life and start to feel empathy rather than frustration, then that’s amazing. If this has led you to want to change your behavior in an attempt to better foster the growth of your child or student, then that’s fantastic. Take it or leave it, I don’t really care. But it’s what you decide to do with it that will determine how effective it is.

1. Cherry, K. (2022).?Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. [online] Very Well Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/erik-eriksons-stages-of-psychosocial-development-2795740 .
2. Mcleod, S. (2023).?Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development. [online] Simply Psychology. Available at: https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html .