From A Mentor: 10 Things I Wish All Mentees Would Do

Because of my long career in human resources and my books, I’m frequently asked to be a mentor. In some cases, it’s for a short duration and a specific purpose, such as a job loss, a job search, or an interview. In other cases, I’m asked for an an ongoing mentoring engagement.  Regardless of the specific situation, I’ve noticed that not all employees understand their role as a mentee. Exhibit the ten behaviors below to ensure you make a good impression on your mentor.

1. Be prepared with questions. Don’t expect your mentor to lead the conversation. You’re the one who wants the help, so come prepared with questions. You can start with easy questions like asking your mentor about his professional background. Then you can move to more specific questions related to business strategies and advice. 

2. Take notes. Taking notes shows you are listening. It also shows that the person’s advice is important enough for you to write down. Don’t have your head down writing all of the time, because you need to maintain eye contact, too. But do be sure to write down the main points being shared with you. 

3. Follow up with meetings when asked. I almost always request that my mentees work with my assistant to schedule their own meetings. I expect that if the time is important to them, they will take the initiative to schedule the meetings they wanted. Recently one of my menthes asked to continue a formal coaching engagement beyond the scheduled time period. When I agreed, she immediately searched my calendar and sent invites for the next six months. I was impressed with her initiative! That is a great way to show your enthusiasm for the mentoring relationship.

3. Show interest in learning. You mentor might make suggestions for you to read a book, or engage in an activity. Whenever your mentor suggests something, show initiative to do it, even if you’re not sure you want to. I’ll never quiz anyone regarding whether or not they read a book I recommended. But I’m always impressed by people who come prepared to discuss the main points of the book and what they learned from it. The same is true for activities. If your mentor suggests that you write down all of your recent accomplishments over the past six months, then do so. Come prepared with the list at your next meeting. Your mentor will appreciate you took the time. 

4. Don’t skip meetings. It’s completely fine if something comes up and you need to miss a session. But don’t skip it without notifying your mentor in advance that you’ll need to reschedule. Sometimes your mentor will need to miss a session as well. You should always be the one to follow up by rescheduling the missed meeting, regardless of who cancelled it. 

5. Recognize time limits. The higher up your mentor is in the organization, the shorter your mentoring sessions are likely to be. For a mid-level vice president, it’s probably OK to request an hour. For c-suite executives, be more realistic and request a half-hour only. If they want to schedule an hour, they will. When you’re in the session, keep track of time. Don’t begin a new discussion topic if your session is scheduled to be over in the next few minutes. 

6. Avoid over-sharing. You need to be smart about your mentor’s role in your organization. Always remember that this is a professional relationship, not a personal friendship. Although you’ll probably develop trust with your mentor, now is not the time to share your personal faults. Nor should you over-emphasize your professional shortcomings. Your mentor is a person who has the potential to advocate for you in the organization. Don’t give any information that will take away from his ability to do so. Learning from your mentor doesn’t require you to over-share your weaknesses. Also, keep in mind that, unfortunately, not all mentors are as trustworthy as you would expect. If you have ongoing professional struggles, pay for an outside executive coach. If your personal life is in shambles, pay for a therapist. 

7. Be open to different mentors having different skill sets. Some mentors have been trained in executive coaching. Their approach is likely to be different from those without that level of specialization. Some mentors might just focus on giving their own advice. Some might be more tactical, and some might be more strategic. Some might even be a little therapeutic, helping you to understand why you approach situations in a specific way. Go into the relationship with an open mind. Even if your mentor’s approach isn’t your favorite, you can align your questions to match his skills. Remember that having a mentor is always an opportunity to learn.

8. Keep the duration of your mentoring relationship relatively short. I recommend that when you ask your mentor for regular meetings, you give a specific end date. I further recommend that the overall duration be initially scheduled for six months or less. Even three sessions over three months is a reasonable request. You can always request to extend the time if you believe your mentor’s ongoing advice would be especially helpful. I recently had someone schedule a call with me for a quick advice session on one topic. After that session, she requested another in two months, saying, “After that, I might want your input again in another few months.” I loved how she approached it. First, she only requested the time needed to get the specific advice she wanted from me. Second, she let me know exactly how many other sessions would help her. Of course I agreed. 

9. Consider phone call mentoring meetings. If you have a company that’s spread out geographically, having regular phone calls is an easy, and convenient, option for you and your mentor.You could call-in every other other session, or as a regular communication method. My longest mentoring relationship was with a new human resources executive located six hours away, on the other side of my state. She had been an executive in another role, but hadn’t run a human resources department before. She requested that for the first six months of her new job, we speak every Friday morning for a half-hour. She wanted to run decisions by me and get my thoughts on how to handle different situations. I agreed. The six months, by mutual agreement, turned into five years of regular, call-in mentoring. Then, when she moved to my city, the five years turned into a professional friendship which now has lasted over ten years. At this point, the advice goes both ways, and we enjoy helping each other think through difficult situations.

10. Show appreciation. Your mentor doesn’t need lavish gifts or even coffee cards. But, at a minimum, show your appreciation by saying thank you at the end of each session. You can also write a note to share how valuable your mentor’s advice has been to you. But one of the best ways to show appreciation to your mentor is to tell his boss, and other higher-ups, about your positive mentoring experience. When I discover that one of my mentees has complimented me to someone else, it’s the best thank you I can receive!  

Dr. Staci McIntosh is a human resources executive, career coach, and author of the One Hour Handbook Series, providing job search and career advice to busy professionals. The series includes Wheels Up: Mastering the Job Interview to Launch Your Carer and Ready for Take-Off: Preparing for Interview Questions on Your Job Search Journey. Her new book will be available this summer and is titled: The Anti-Entrepreneur: How to Choose the Right Job to Retire Wealthy Without Starting Your Own Business.