From Marketing Maven to Artistic Soul, a Poetic European Journey

I hate marketing.

Feels so good to say it. To finally own it. To finally be strong enough to process what happened in my early 20's, when I fell in love with a man so deeply I'd become blind to all the things I'd loved before I knew him, and slowly begin the process to disregard them all completely.

Most of all being,

my art.

I have no regrets. This man taught me many useful skills, I wouldn't be here today without them. Video editing, sales, business. MARKETING - ha, oh dear.

My life became marketing. Of course, there are aspects of it I do enjoy. I did still get to be artistic throughout the years, exercise my creativity, and have an outlet for these deeper parts of me that got bruised by this man... and thank God for that. But little did I know, I was creating a whole new life for myself outside of my soul's true calling.

Before I knew it I was 24 years old with a half a million dollar investment, 40 in-house employees, and a million dollar online digital marketing company that consumed most all of my time.

My art, my music I used to create, heck even my feminine expression, things like putting on make-up, doing what made me feel sexy on a daily basis...

within a few shorts years,

gone.

Washed away by the high-pressure, intense, and masculine world of business. I slowly adopted the belief that my art wasn't valued, that my feminine side wasn't safe, and that the only way I'd ever be cared for or know how to make money would be through this digital marketing stuff.

I found LinkedIn, and that changed everything.

When I turned the camera back around on myself again, after years of doing edits for other pages, I found massive success on a platform that was at the time new to video, and certainly didn't have a lot of young, blonde, successful female entrepreneurs like me.

I stood out like a sore thumb, and needless to say...

I exploded.

Soon after, I got out of the relationship and was fortunate to launch my own brand here, independent of my ex. But - I didn't realize the trap I was digger myself deeper and deeper into.

You see, when you grow a page on LinkedIn, it becomes really, very easy to sell a LinkedIn Marketing Course on LinkedIn.

After all - I must know something about how to use this platform... right?

Okay sure, of course I did. And I won't discredit myself for those early days and long nights of studying what worked to get reach here.

But - just to be clear:

I am no LinkedIn expert.

I never was. & God -

it feels good to admit that.

I grew here because I'm an artist, an entertainer, a creator, and sorry guys...

that's not always a skill to be taught.

It's who I was deep down as a person, but the deeper truth is I couldn't fully re-access all of me as an artist yet, for fear of being deeply shamed and rejected again.

I found my place on LinkedIn as a "digital marketing professional", and I used my LinkedIn videos as an outlet for that creative itch that still needed to be scratched.

But, this wasn't the real me. And honestly -

I was stuck, for years.

I ran a LinkedIn program I didn't even show up for. I outsourced everything and could barely take calls. Yet I made over $100k/month for 3 years, and while it was fun to have that level of financial ease for awhile...

it was also torturous to have it validate my belief that I will only ever make money when I am not who I am.

I kept making more and more money, and my core belief that got created in my first business continued to solidify.

No way was I going back to art fully, after all -

look how much people love me as this!

It was, I'm not kidding...

agony.

and I was stuck in this career path for years.

I used weed, drugs, and sex to cope with my hiding. I projected all of my pain and shame out onto this blog, and onto the world in the form of self-victimizing posts about narcissism.

I blamed my family for the trauma they put me through. I blamed my ex for making me believe I would never make it as an artist, and should help him pursue his dreams instead.

In a very weird way,

I became him.

I created the career I think he always wanted -

Digital Marketing Entrepreneur. & a thought leader in the space, at that.

But, this wasn't really me.

This past year has been the most challenging one of my life. I finally got strong enough to give up my vices, get sober, single, and thank the heavens I found Jesus. Which is the only reason I've finally been able to face head-on what happened to me in my early 20's, and in that relationship, which ultimately led to this very unique and unpredictable sh*t show many of you have witnessed here throughout the years on this channel.

Getting sober will make you wake up to how much you hate your life.

For the first time in years, I had no sales person. I had no LinkedIn coach. I had minimal staff, and was fast doing everything in the business myself for a change.

The first few months of this year I literally had hundreds of calls per month. All marketing related, all people who wanted help with LinkedIn.

Again,

agony.

May 2023 rolled around and Jesus kept finding new ways to reach me. The strength was always there, just buried deep within me, and I began to realize as my business was falling apart, and my 6-figure months dwindling away, that I really had nothing to lose anymore.

"Just GO FOR IT, Shay."

I decided to shut down my program, and announce to my followers I'm going to grow a YouTube channel instead.

I'm going to finally call this for what it is, and really... what it always has been-

A lifestyle page: a place for inspiration, and entertainment.

From fake-ass digital marketing, to authentically expressed creator.

Entertainer.

Influencer.

I got an opportunity to go to Europe and I took it. So, I decided to make the most of it and announce to my fans here that I'd be traveling. I asked who wanted to sponsor my trip in exchange for videos & posts on my page.

To my surprise, I landed some pretty sweet deals.

First try!

Okay girl, we're getting somewhere...

I manifested an incredible videographer who agreed to come on the trip with me, and while I didn't entirely know where I was going, I knew I could no longer be where I was. Stuck in this office with a day full of zoom calls hearing over and over "Why isn't my LinkedIn working better?"

Ugh.

Idk... maybe because... you're not funny? creative? engaging?

Talk about imposter syndrome.

Yes, of course I had imposter syndrome. I didn't actually feel good about what I was doing and the truth is... in many ways...

I was not!

The money just kept flowing to me and it was a confusing sign from the universe about what I should actually do with my life.

But - thank goodness, this phase of my career was finally beginning to die.

So,

I packed my bags... and I went to Europe.

Greece ????

Romania ????

Germany ????

France ????

Ireland ????

...and I made some amazing new friends along the way.

I came back with a new set of eyes, a new lens on the world. Who wouldn't after that much new exposure? I even continued my momentum and manifested more and more brand deals; companies that wanted to pay for me to make video shoutouts of them on my page.

Yes! Influencer transition - in progress.

But -

I still had some LinkedIn marketing clients left from my agency side of the business. It was good monthly reoccurring revenue, and I justified it by saying it was helping me segue over.

After all -

I created a lifestyle all those years that was likely quite a bit expensive for the average late-20-something-year-old.

Oops.

To my surprise, even though I was without drugs, I had embodied a whole new focus, and was more present with my clients than ever before...

the agency too started to slip.

Clients weren't happy, people were dropping me, and I found it nearly impossible to hire & train staff to service other company's videos & LinkedIn pages.

What can I say - I dipped my toe in the water as an influencer/artist, but a part of me still couldn't let go. I had to really get honest with myself, and God, and tap into WHY new employees I hired to help with the agency, and LinkedIn-specific clients weren't working out.

What I got was:

Money is going to start coming to you, Shay, when you give what you really want to give...

from your heart.

I took a step back and realized all that was currently working well in my business had to do with one thing only:

My videos.

Not helping clients with theirs,

only mine.

"What? Can it really be?"

"This feels so selfish. This feels so unfair, do I really deserve to have a business, and a team that's solely focused around just me, my videos, my creations... and my art?"

Suddenly it occurred to me the dream I always had for myself was already sitting in front of me.

All I had to do - was take it.

Today,

it's nearly 5 months since being home from Europe.

I spent those past 5 months breaking apart my business even more, piece by piece, and building a subscription-based community on a platform called "Circle." A place for fans to have closer access to me. A place for me to play, be feminine, free, and do what I want.

No more high-ticket offer with high-stress clients and sales. This is $49/month, and anyone can join.

I'm not putting so much pressure on myself to make 6-figure months again. I'm taking my time with this new direction of my career and focusing on one simple, but very important, new core value:

following what brings me joy,

Art.

Man, does it feel good to finally have my dreams back again. To finally have my ex's voice out of my head, constantly criticizing my every vulnerable exposure and reminding me how unsafe it is to be who I am.

That man rocked my world - and I blamed him for years...

but,

In the end-

it's not about the guy.

It never was.

It's about me.

The only reason I was impacted so deeply by this man in the first place, is because it was my own core belief, underneath it all, that I wasn't really safe to be an artist.

I was, long before he came into my field, insecure about what I was doing with my gifts. & while blaming him for taking me away from it was comforting for awhile - I have to accept that he never would have came into my field, and I never would have embarked on this deep, karmic, twin-flame connection in the first place...

had it not been for that core belief of insecurity as an artist already being mine to begin with.

He, in many ways -

was my angel.

He stripped me down and brought to the surface my deepest fears that would ultimately, need to get resolved anyhow if I was ever going to grow a brand as an artist.

Around my vulnerability.

Around who I truly am, free & unleashed.

I got to experience life denying myself this, and I'm happy I gave it a shot.

I'm happy I was influenced by his "artists are stupid" rhetoric.

For now I know with certainty, 100%...

that I don't give a damn if anyone thinks we are.

I cannot live without my art, and I cannot go another year building upon a business and a brand that is anything other than this fun, feminine, creative, and artistic woman,

Me.

The money is coming, yes. But more importantly?

The dream is already here.

I got my light back, I got my inspiration. & today-

I launch an entirely new business - on the backend of a 30-minute short film I directed & produced about my transformation in Europe, and what it taught me.

Subscribe to my YouTube here to watch the full video - and find out at the end what I'm building in my new community.

Influencers,

Artists,

Fans,

and Businesses in alignment with what I have to offer today...

I'd love it if you joined me on this journey.

The full 30-minute short film, here.

This is my story.

#Shayshine ??