From Manager to Mediator: The Importance of Listening for Success

A few weeks ago, while volunteering my time to help settle financial disputes in a local court, I had the opportunity to observe several attorneys, as well as mediators, in action. I saw some great examples of advocacy as well as more than one instance of excellent dispute resolution skills. However, more than a few times what I observed made me cringe, and reminded me of lessons I had to learn myself.

Years ago (decades if we're being honest), I received my first real promotion into a management role. I was young, driven, and had been a high performer in my previous role. With ambition fueling my confidence, I was convinced that I knew the best way to accomplish the tasks at hand based on my own experiences. I firmly believed that if the people who worked for me would just follow my instructions, they would be successful.

I failed, miserably.

I often found myself frustrated when things didn't go as planned. My approach, centered on rigidly adhering to the methods that had brought me success, didn't account for the unique perspectives and talents of my team. Because of that, they revolted. No matter what happened, they weren't interested in listening to me. Even when their own methods didn't work, my inability to recognize their needs and listen to their input created a situation where no one was heard, and everyone was unhappy.

That experience was a turning point for me and highlighted a crucial lesson that applies not just to leadership, but to mediation as well: the importance of listening.

In mediation, much like in management, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we know the best solution based on our own experiences and opinions. As mediators (attorneys, this includes you!) in a negotiation, we might feel tempted to interject with what we believe is the best option based on our own experiences. However, just as I learned in my early days as a manager, this approach can backfire. Parties involved in a mediation need to feel heard and understood. They need to know that their unique perspectives and needs are being considered.

A mediator's role is to facilitate communication, not dominate it. It's about creating a space where each party can express their concerns, needs, and desired outcomes. By actively listening, a mediator can uncover the underlying issues and help the parties find a resolution that genuinely addresses their needs. This approach not only fosters trust but also leads to more sustainable and satisfactory outcomes.

But listening is just one part of the equation. Both in management and mediation, it's equally important to challenge individuals to grow and think beyond their own experiences. As a manager, I learned that while my team needed to be heard, they also needed to be encouraged to develop new skills and perspectives. By challenging them constructively, I helped them expand their abilities and achieve greater success than they initially thought possible.

In mediation, challenging parties to consider alternative viewpoints and solutions can be transformative. When parties are encouraged to step outside their comfort zones and think creatively, they often find innovative solutions that address the root of their conflicts. This process not only resolves the immediate issue but also equips them with the tools to handle future disputes more effectively.

My early failure in management taught me that true leadership—and effective mediation—is about empathy, collaboration, and adaptability. It's about recognizing that each individual's experience is valid and that their input is invaluable. By applying these principles and encouraging growth, mediators can guide parties towards mutually beneficial solutions, much like how I learned to lead my team to success by valuing their contributions and challenging them to grow.

Today, I carry these lessons with me in every leadership and mediation role I undertake. My goal is always to build an environment where each person feels supported, heard, and inspired to reach their full potential. As I continue to grow in my career, I’m reminded that the best mediators, like the best leaders, are those who never stop learning and who are committed to understanding and addressing the needs of others while challenging them to grow.

What lessons have you learned in your journey as a mediator, manager, or attorney? I’d love to hear your stories and insights.