From Lackluster Student to Medical School: What happens when a reluctant college student is pushed into applying to medical school

Five minutes after ChatGPT flooded the masses in November of 2022, college administrators grew concerned about students submitting fraudulent medical school application essays generated by artificial intelligence. It brought up a plethora of ethical concerns, questions about essay quality, the impact on admissions decisions, and the potential for deception in the ultra-competitive application process. Except for the case of Wesley Meredith Ruskin III. He couldn’t have cared less…

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Dear Admissions Committee,

First and foremost, allow me to extend my deepest apologies for the torture you’re about to experience reading this letter. It’s akin to being sentenced to an endless night of “La Traviata” sitting next to your mother-in-law suffering from a botched root canal.

I stand before you (figuratively speaking), an applicant to the Svalbard Arctic Medical University, driven not by a fiery passion for the medical field but rather by the incessant, unyielding nagging of my parents. They seem to be under the impression that enrolling me in your esteemed institution, known for its unique Arctic location and presumably impressive educational offerings, might push me to thrive and my lackluster ambition could miraculously transform into a zeal for medical sciences. It won’t.

During my last interview, a peculiar question was posed to me regarding studies in medicine that might captivate my interest. I must confess, the subjects that have caught my attention are, to put it mildly, unorthodox. After learning about The Impact of Whispering on the Treatment of Plantar Wart Proliferation and The Symbiotic Relationship Between Earlobe Flexibility and Resistance to Imaginary Wound Healing I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Not due to any genuine intrigue, mind you, but more because of their sheer, staggering absurdity. One can’t help but be oddly captivated by them and other bizarre research topics like The Lunar Influence on Bodily Reflexes and Preferences of Microorganisms.

Now, to address the crux of this application. I’ve approached this task much like a cat skillfully avoiding a puddle – with a great deal of sidestepping and little actual progress. I’m not here to regale you with tales of my life’s journey, my lofty aspirations, or any transformative experiences that may have led me down the path to medicine. Instead, let me divert your attention to the peculiar color choices of my neighbor’s garden gnomes, an observation as irrelevant to my medical aspirations as it is perplexing.

This essay, if we can dignify it with such a label, meanders aimlessly like a group of lost tourists on the streets of Bangkok. You’ll find no heartwarming anecdotes, no profound reflections, and no evidence of personal growth. Such elements might inadvertently give the impression of a focused, purpose-driven pre-med student, and I certainly wouldn’t want to mislead you.

In a profession where precision and detail are paramount, I have chosen to embrace ambiguity and vagueness as if greeting an old friend. You won’t find specific achievements or clearly defined goals here. Instead, I present broad, sweeping generalizations that reveal little about who I am or why I’m even contemplating a career in medicine, beyond the vague notion that it might be a preferable alternative to the specter of unemployment.

Regarding the proofreading of this document, I deemed it an unnecessary luxury. Let this application, strewn with the carelessness of a hastily sent text message, stand as a testament to real-world pressures where meticulousness is often cast aside.

In closing, I reiterate my apology for the time you’ve inevitably lost reading this balderdash. I wish I could offer you a refund for the time you’ve wasted on this endeavor, but alas, much like writing a compelling medical school essay, it’s beyond my capabilities.

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Regrettably yours,

Wesley Meredith Ruskin III

Author’s Note: Wesley Meredith Ruskin III’s letter was written entirely using ChatGPT.