From Japan to Italy: Leaping over a great cultural divide
Benedicte Franchot
Helping Expats Relocate Their Career | Executive Career Coach, PCC, CPCC, PQ
After 15 years in Japan, I moved to Italy in 2020. Having already had several experiences of adapting to a new country, I thought I knew what to expect. Being French, Italy being not far from France, easy-peasy right? What’s the problem ? The reality, complicated by Covid, was not the 'Dolce Vita' I had imagined. Four years on, I take stock and share my experience.
Completely 'tatamised' in Japan
After 15 years living in Japan, I was completely "tatamised" : an expression taken from the word Tatami, a kind of straw mat floor found in traditional Japanese homes, which means that I had completely adapted to Japan, its cultural codes and customs. I knew sometime more about Japan than my japanese friends themselves!
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It had even become my job. I helped foreign newcomers to "tatamise": to discover and adjust to codes and norms that were very different from their own, through workshops and support programmes.
Italians and French, close cousins ?
It is a shared perception on both sides of the Alps, that we are cousins, almost as close family. But the reality is different: testimonials from both sides show that relations are more ambiguous than they appear. People think they get on well together, only to discover that this is not the case. Examples of misconceptions and misunderstandings abound. Over time, irritation, resentment and frustration can build up.
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For me, a form of disappointment set in when I realised that the reality of my daily life in Italy, a country that is fascinating to many, did not live up to expectations.
When I announced my forthcoming move to Italy to friends and colleagues, the reaction was unanimous: how lucky! Italy, such a beautiful country!
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BUT … visiting a country as a tourist and living there on a daily basis are not at all the same thing. I discovered this difference little by little. Of course, my arrival in the middle of a confinement didn't make things easier.
But even after things got back to normal, I still struggled to find 'the right tone' in my interactions with Italians, to find my place, to integrate locally and to forge lasting friendships.
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Being French is seen in a positive light by Italians. You often hear an admiring "Ah, Francia!" when an Italian discovers that you are French. "Di dove in Francia?” And there always follows a discussion about the preferred place (Italy or France?) and multiple comparisons (cost of living, wage levels, weather, road conditions, cleanliness, politics etc. etc.).
As "transalpine cousins", there are differences that surprise and irritate us.
There are many situations that bother us and, as cross-culture expert Annie Rea mentions (1), Italy is one of the hardest countries for the French to understand.
Bel Canto versus Honne-Tatemae
It's well known that in Japan, you have to hold back your emotions in public – the famous Honne- Tatemae barrier (2). When this barrier exists, you can’t say frankly what you think and feel. This barrier is hardly unique to Japanese culture, as Rochelle Kopp, intercultural expert put it (3). It exists also in other cultures, such as in the UK, France, US... As an naturally indirect communicator, I have this barrier in me as well.
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What a big shock in Italy, where, on the contrary, not expressing our emotions makes us seem cold and aloof!
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Italians learn from an early age to express themselves with their whole body: hand language, variation in the tone of voice, in the rhythm of words, accentuation of vowels... Exacerbated vocality that we associate with "Bel Canto", the famous Italian opera song.
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This way of expressing oneself is always a worry for the Japanese in me. In most of their interactions, Italians don't measure the impact of their way of communicating. On a subject that's close to their hearts, they get carried away, forgetting to consider the effect on the other person. It can become a barrier to empathy. This has a key impact when dealing with people who, because of their culture or personality, are moderate in expressing their feelings.
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The result is that communication can be difficult and trust hard to establish.
Imagine this scenario, between 2 colleagues from both sides of the Alps, facing a tough problem to solve. On the one hand, the French feels a bit overwhelmed by the level of emotion displayed by his Italian colleague. On the other hand, the Italian interlocutor feels frustrated by the absence of an emotional response, which he interprets as a sign of disinterest or disengagement. Neither side feels listened to nor heard. Without a calm, objective approach, it is difficult to resolve the problem. Trust was damaged on both sides.
"Emotional expression", is a dimension that can be useful to explore when comparing and contrasting cultures. There is a huge contrast between Italian and Japanese culture (4).
?To adjust, I had to "unlearn" my Japanese reflexes, push myself out of my comfort zone, leave more room for my emotions and let them run free.
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The great learnings of the “Italian life experience”
Living in Italy, exploring and understanding the Italian culture from the inside, is a truly enriching experience. Coming face to face with a different reality takes you out of your comfort zone. It's where you learn, understand yourself better and grow.
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Living among Italians has enabled me to be more transparent, more expressive and to leave more room for my emotions. To be more mindful and more in touch with my inner world, to let it come to the fore. As a result, I feel more alive. I live less in my head. It allows me to be also more empathetic and compassionate with other. I am not anymore afraid to share my emotions.
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It has made me a more agile communicator. It also enables me to better understand and integrate other ways of seeing the world, to come into contact with other values, to step back and to get clarity on my own, which is always sooo beneficial ! There lies the potential of true and powerful personal growth.
Benedicte is a Certified Professional Coach, Facilitator and Consultant in the fields of skills development, leadership and international mobility. As part of her coaching activity, she supports corporate executives and their spouses during their expatriation and upon their return. She is french but have lived and worked outside France for over 20 years, including 15 in Japan. In the meantime, she returned to Paris for 3 years, a personal experience that triggered her desire to support people through these complicated transitions. Right now, she is living and working in Turin (Italy) since June 2020.
(1)?? Event organised in Milano in 2017 by the French Chamber of Commerce in Italy
(2)?? Navigating the Honne Tatemae Dilemna, article on Medium from Nicole Barile
https://nicolebarile.medium.com/working-with-japan-navigating-the-honne-tatemae-dilemma-1f3464d807fc
(3)?? Article from Rochelle Kopp on Honne and Tatemae
(4)?? Emotional Expressiveness versus Confrontation : 2 dimensions explored by Erin Meyer - “Getting to Yes across cultures”
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3 周Ms. Franchot, Your services to expats should be very useful. Are you also working with India?
Helping senior L&D leaders transitioning into retirement so that they can have a rich and fulfilling post-retirement life.
11 个月Interesting to hear your experiences of moving to Italy after many years in Japan. I notice in myself that it takes me time to “readjust” when I visit the UK.