From "I'm terrible" to "I'll get there" - it's all about growth.

I’m terrible at this, I should know how and I'll never be able to do it.

All phrases that used to (and occasionally still do, if I'm being totally honest) clatter around my brain when starting something brand new, like a bag of bolts in a washing machine. I’ve always struggled with my inner critic being my harshest critic, something people often find surprising, as I love public speaking and am outwardly very confident.

For those of you in the same position, it can be a really tiring experience right?! You've just started a new thing, have that HUGE project to deliver, all those emails, a new team and are trying to battle your inner critic on top of all of that... It can be a pretty tall order.

But then it dawned on me (in no small part because of the fantastic sessions I've been having with my coach George Warren over the past year):

?We wouldn't condemn an apple tree for not bearing fruit the day after we planted the seed, so why do this to ourselves?

This, quite literally, changed everything for me. Instead of getting more and more annoyed at myself for not knowing all the answers, I started imagining myself as a seed (stick with me), growing and developing each day. This way of thinking (I am reliably informed) is called the 'Growth Mindset' and centres on the fact that our skills, talents and knowledge constantly develop over time, rather than believing things are fixed, or set the way they are.

If the metaphor of bolts in a washing machine is resonating with you, then I feel your pain; but the good news, it is possible to change the way you think!

Here are some things I wish I’d learnt sooner:?

1 - to be kinder to myself -?you've probably seen this in every wellbeing related blog you've ever read and that's because it really is important. Beating yourself up over things rarely makes it better and usually makes it worse. Instead of getting frustrated when I don't have all the answers, I now see it as a learning opportunity and indulge in the thought of how much I'll know tomorrow, next week, month and year. This is where imagining the seed really comes in handy!

2 - to carve time out for the things you love - no matter how stressful or full on things are, carving out time for the things you love and switching off is super important. I used to fall into the trap of letting the 'new' thing be all I thought about, constantly mulling it over to the point of exhaustion. Don't get me wrong, I still spend a lot of time thinking about new roles, projects and things I'm doing BUT, I also carve out time to deliberately switch off; from podcasts, to a good book, a walk in the park, to binge watching something on Netflix.

3 - to get some coaching - whether it's with a professional coach (try George if you're on the lookout!) or simply learning some basic skills and setting up an informal coaching/discussion exchange at work or with friends, I cannot recommend this enough. Coaching isn't just for CEO's or high-flying MD's as I once thought, it truly can benefit everyone and I find my coaching sessions some of the most enlightening, invigorating, challenging and developmental conversations I have.

4 - to take time to zoom out - it's all too easy to get bogged down in the issues you're battling, or the things you're trying to solve and forget to look at the bigger picture. I find taking some time each day to zoom out, remind myself of how far things have come and the learning journey I've been on so far, very helpful.

5 - to see everyone as a teacher - this is a real biggie. One thing I used to be awful at, was seeing those around me as competitors, rather than teachers. Instead of soaking up all the learnings on offer, I found myself tightening up and falling into the age old trap of comparing and contrasting. Now, I look to all of those around me as teachers, there's always something to learn and this way of thinking has turned the whole world into one big classroom, with everyone a teacher and unlimited opportunities to learn.

And as Zig Ziegler once said:

“If you're not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you're determined to learn, no one can stop you.”?

Posting this one was tough and I very nearly hit delete, but if it helps just one person, then I'll count that as a win! I always enjoy hearing what you think of my articles, but I'd particularly love to know what you thought of this one, so please do drop a comment below or send me a personal message.

Jack x?