From Guilt To Growth - Moving Forward As A Parent

GUILT.

It’s one of the most difficult emotions to carry, especially when it comes to parenting. If you’ve found yourself replaying past moments, second-guessing your decisions, or wondering if you’re to blame for the distance between you and your child, you’re not alone.

For many parents, guilt can feel like proof of their love. It’s tied to a deep desire to make things right. But holding onto guilt doesn’t help - it only keeps you stuck in a cycle of regret and self-blame, which makes it harder to reconnect and heal.

The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in guilt. You can move forward - not by erasing the past, but by learning from it and choosing to meet yourself with compassion. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge The Guilt Without Letting It Take Over

The first step is to face your guilt head-on. Pretending it doesn’t exist or burying it under distractions only gives it more power.

Ask yourself: What am I really feeling guilty about?

• Is it something I did or said in the past?
• Is it about something I didn’t do but wish I had?

Naming the source of your guilt gives you clarity. Sometimes, guilt isn’t about what actually happened but what you imagine you should have done. Reflecting on this helps you separate real mistakes from unfair expectations.

But here’s the key…

Acknowledging guilt isn’t the same as letting it control you. It’s about recognising its presence, without letting it dictate your actions.

2. Learn To Let Go Of The “What Ifs”

One of guilt’s favourite tricks is to pull you into the endless loop of “What if?”

• What if I’d handled that argument differently?
• What if I’d been more patient?
• What if I’d said no when I needed to?

The truth is, you can’t go back and rewrite those moments. But you can rewrite how you RESPOND to them now.

Here’s an exercise to try:

Imagine your past self as someone who needed guidance and understanding. Instead of blaming them, what advice would you offer? Maybe it’s: “You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.” Or, “Mistakes don’t define you - they teach you.”

By shifting your focus from regret to reflection, you take back control from the “What ifs.”

3. Understand That Guilt Can Block Healing

Guilt has a way of making you feel stuck in the past. It keeps you focused on what went wrong instead of what can go right. Worse, it can lead to behaviours that unintentionally push your child further away:

• Over-apologising: Constantly bringing up the past might overwhelm your child or make them feel pressured to forgive before they’re ready.
• Overcompensating: Trying too hard to “make up” for the past can come across as inauthentic or even desperate.
• Avoidance: On the flip side, guilt can make you so afraid of rejection that you stop reaching out altogether.

Recognising these patterns is the first step. The next step is choosing a different action - one that aligns with the relationship you want to build with your child.

4. Reframe Guilt As Love In Disguise

Guilt often feels heavy and negative, but at its core, it’s a reflection of how much you care. If you didn’t love your child deeply, you wouldn’t feel this way.

Instead of seeing guilt as a punishment, try reframing it as a signal:

• It’s a sign of your desire to reconnect.
• It’s a reminder of the effort you’re willing to put into rebuilding the relationship.

This shift doesn’t erase the pain, but it changes how you carry it. It becomes motivation instead of a weight.

5. Focus On What You Can Do Today

The past is unchangeable, but the present is full of possibility. The most powerful way to move forward is to focus on what you can do right now to nurture the relationship with your child - and with yourself.

Here are a few ideas:

• Keep The Lines Open: Send a simple, pressure-free message like, “I’m thinking of you and hope you’re doing well.” Even if they don’t respond, you’re showing them that the door is open.
• Respect Their Pace: Healing takes time. Be patient and trust that even small efforts can create meaningful change over time.
• Take Care Of Yourself: Guilt often makes us neglect our own needs. Make time for activities that bring you joy, connection, and peace of mind.

6. Seek Forgiveness - Starting With Yourself

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing past mistakes. It means releasing the hold those mistakes have over you.

Start by forgiving yourself. This might feel uncomfortable at first - parents are often harder on themselves than anyone else - but it’s a necessary step in the healing process.

Here’s one way to practice self-forgiveness:

• Write down something you feel guilty about.
• Beside it, write what you would say to a friend in the same situation.
• Commit to speaking to yourself with that same kindness.

When you forgive yourself, you create space for compassion and connection, both with yourself and your child.

Moving Forward With Love And Forgiveness

Parental guilt can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to define your story. By acknowledging your feelings, reframing your guilt, and focusing on what you can do today, you take powerful steps toward healing.

Remember, letting go of guilt doesn’t mean you care less - it means you’re choosing to care in a way that’s healthier for both you and your child.

You are not your mistakes. You are the love, effort, and hope you bring to each new day. Keep showing up. Keep believing in the possibility of connection. And trust that forgiveness, both for yourself and your child, can lead to a brighter path forward.

If you’d like to join my waiting list for a new programme I have coming up for supporting parents with estranged adult children, click the link jezhunt.com/h2h-waitlist.