From Guilt to Growth

Do you also put yourself in prison of guilt and shame for doing things wrong or sometimes for not doing things at all?

Early days

When you were 4 years old and pulled a toy from your sister's hands or threw a ball and broke a flower vase, you felt guilty seeing your sister's tears and your mom's upset face.

After a few incidents, you learned not to take toys from your siblings and not to throw balls indoors. You didn't linger in guilt for weeks or months because of the damage you caused.

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And now

Decades later, you say something hurtful, act improperly or fail to do what you believe you should, and you cling to guilt for weeks, months, or even years.

Some even feel guilty enjoying life, knowing others in the world lack food, education, or job opportunities, despite having no means to help them directly.

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Guilt is healthy and useful.

As children, a sense of guilt fosters social growth and maintains our attachment to parents or caregivers, on whom we entirely depend.

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But guilt can become destructive.

Guilt turns sticky and destructive when we grow up and forget how to move on from it. When we err or make mistakes, either others or we ourselves often induce feelings of shame and guilt.

We hide, wanting to lick the sores of our wounded egos because our pride and self-worth are bruised.?

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The wrong way of doing it.

Many times, guilt prevents us from addressing a situation constructively. When feeling guilty, we tend to resort to symbolic redemption methods like religious confessions, therapies, meditations, and endless ruminations, providing temporary relief but no real change.

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The antidote

The antidote to this cycle is not further guilt but constructive action.

It's about shifting from feeling alright about the problem to actively addressing it.

To do this, we need a new attitude towards our mistakes and misdeeds. It's crucial to understand that making mistakes isn't a serious human failing.

Everybody has to make mistakes there is no way out of it you can't learn anything unless you make mistakes.

Hurting another person, not doing what we should do, or making things less greatly than we could are our human mistakes.

But childhood and education often teach us that mistakes are bad, leading to guilt and shame over poor grades, fights, or forgotten art class supplies. Sometimes, we were even punished for such mistakes.

This fear of making mistakes can trap us in the prison of shame and guilt.

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The way to liberate yourself from guilt

Liberating yourself from guilt means embracing the freedom to err. Upon realizing a mistake, don't wallow in self-blame; instead, fix what you can and aim not to do it again.

Or at least do it less often.

Guilt was your great friend when you were a kid – it prevented rejection by your caregivers and friends in the sandpit.

Interestingly, your 4-year-old-self response to guilt was healthier: apologize, return the toy, promise not to kick the ball in the living room again.

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Adult life is more complex, requiring a more nuanced approach to guilt:

1.???? Next time you feel guilty, welcome it. See what it's trying to tell you.

2.???? If you've hurt someone and you wish you didn’t – apologize, it’s a great starting point.

3.???? If you feel guilty for saying no and now i.e.

a)???? your?mother offended as you won’t come to visit her 3rd time this week;

b)??? a colleague is upset because you didn’t prioritize their project to work on;

c)???? a spouse or a friend acts hurt because you don’t want to spend another evening in the way they like

-> recognize that you must have done something for yourself for the first time in a long time, you've prioritized your needs and it’s a definitely reason to celebrate.

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Instead of rejecting guilt, embrace it.

Acknowledge its presence, but know you don't have to follow its advice automatically. You have the freedom to think it over and make your own decisions.

You have a moral obligation, a responsibility to care for yourself as someone who matters. Doing so properly may mean that your actions become meaningful and impactful to yourself and those around you.

Unfear

#MentalHealth is #health.

Make #future better than the past.

#Unfear?

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#careers #personaldevelopment #psychology #leadership #wellbeing

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