From the Grill to the Office: The Love-Fear Antagonism in Tech Leadership

You can't fear what you love. Love can be overwhelming, weird, but it's definitely not "fear." If you have a deep healthy affection for someone or something, fear simply can't creep in.

But if it does... well, I'd love to hear about it.

Now, let's embark on a little adventure in "learnt from experience" sharing. Today, I felt compelled to share this idea with you. Don't worry; I'll keep it short and sweet.

Use case:

Picture this: I snagged a "chef" position—an entirely new role, a fresh position, and a menu entirely crafted from scratch. It was a brand new challenge, and it had my adrenaline pumping, making me internally scream "What the fun is going on?!?!"

The first time I try something, I’m typically either the worst or far below average. Often, the root of that unease is a lack of experience. The remedy? Get to know the task, embrace failure, and accept it as an essential part of the learning journey. You'll be just fine.

The more familiar you become, the less fear holds you back. Failure becomes your ally, paving the way for growth.

Let's switch gears for a moment and transport ourselves to a bustling kitchen, where we served up handmade, fresh, and absolutely delicious hamburgers. I'll save you the recipe details, as there's a touch of magic in keeping some secrets.

Here's the drill—let's call it the "burger debrief":

1. Place the burger on the grill.

2. Wait for just the right amount of time.

3. Serve the burger and move on. Easy peasy.

If you flip it too late, it'll be toast. Flip it too soon, and your grill will get dirty, and your burger? Yep, it's a goner.

Now, back to my journey with those burger-flipping guidelines—I must admit, I went all in.

Here's my training tracking record:

First try: Too soon. Burger broken. Wasted.

Second try: Still too soon. Burger broken. Wasted.

Third try: I promise I waited longer than the previous two. But guess what? Still too soon! Burger broken. Wasted.

Back then, my head chef's encouragement wasn't the worst: "Let's leave it."

As days passed, I found myself in charge during service—also on that week we had three days fully booked for dinner plus lunch service. It was that "most wonderful time of the year”. I had to hire a few kitchen porters with no experience, just a tad less than I had.

I had beef burgers, chicken burgers, and the entire menu to manage. Honestly, I can't recall how I got through it, but I probably botched the first one on that busy day. But the rest... well, let's just say I ended up juggling rounds of 4-6 beef burgers and 2 whole chicken breasts at the same time, all while singing to my kitchen comrades.

I discovered I was a slow learner, but I also was one determined motherfunner. The grill didn't heat evenly across its surface; it had its hotspots. Surprisingly, those hotspots were the secret spots for searing, turning, and cooking the meat to perfection. Plus, I had a team of inexperienced helpers who, despite their fears, were eager to assist.

You have two options: either resort to shouting, panicking, and transferring that fear to your team, or you can lead with empathy and guide them through the chaotic, smoky, and, yes, fun environment. I chose the latter. Yes, there are moments when you need to raise your voice, but only when it helps the team get the job done. After the service is over, you express gratitude to each team member and give them a well-deserved break before tackling the cleaning. Sharing the tip jar between us equally also helped.

Experience rolled in, fear faded away, and I learned to embrace failure. Did I fall head over heels in love with cooking in a professional kitchen? I wouldn't say that. Did it take me about a decade to put all of this into words? Absolutely.?

I've been with this idea for a few years now that the opposite of love is not bravery.

What if the opposite of fear was not bravery or courage but love?

And what if you can't love what you don't know?

And what if by knowing and understanding what you are afraid of you could not kill but use that fear as tools to grab who you are and your happiness?

One thing's for sure: I have an unwavering love for confronting the unknown, pushing my limits, and mastering the art of conquering my fears. I thrive on challenges and savour the satisfaction of knowing how to handle my fears.

Now, how about applying all this insight in the world of office jobs and leadership? Well, that's a story for another day, but I'd love to hear your take, your experience and your questions on it.