From Glamour to Grit: How my First Career in Modeling Taught Me Confidence and Resiliance

Hi everyone, this is not my usual Digital Culture Ideas newsletter or article about Artificial Intelligence (AI), Cyber Security or Risk Management.

I want to share something with you that I have not talked about much before. It's about my first career as a fashion model. Yes, you heard that right. I was a model when I was a young.

I know some of you might be surprised or even skeptical, because I don't fit the stereotype of a model. Maybe you think I'm too averaged height, too curvy, too nerdy, or too whatever. But that's exactly why I want to tell you this story.

I haven't spoken about it so publically because I have felt a little embarrased and maybe because I have felt like I have had to battle in my career to be seen as more than just a 'pretty face'.

This story is about how I first learned to embrace who I am, follow my dreams, and overcome challenges.

Beginings

I always loved fashion and beauty since I was a little girl. My mum sent my sister and I on what they called a “Confidence Course” which was a course that taught us about how to care for our skin (cleanse, tone, moisturize that sort of thing), put on make up (I'm actually quite thankful as I had no idea!), and also walk elegantly down a catwalk. I was hooked.

My sister and I always used to dress up in my mum's clothes and makeup, and pretend to be a star. I would read magazines and watch shows about models and celebrities, and admire their glamour and confidence. I wanted to be like them, but I also felt insecure and inadequate. I was shy, awkward, and self-conscious. I didn't think I was pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough.

But one day, when I was 15, I saw an ad for a local modeling contest. It was called Miss Teenager, and it was open to girls aged 13 to 18. I felt a spark of curiosity and excitement. I wondered what it would be like to enter the contest, to walk on a runway, to pose for a camera, to be judged by a panel of experts.

I also felt a lot of fear and doubt obviously. I thought I had no chance of winning, or even being noticed. I thought I would be laughed at, or worse, ignored. But I decided to take a leap of faith and sign up for the contest.

I thought, what do I have to lose? That decision changed the course of my life.

I didn’t win the modelling contest

I didn't win the contest, but I came in second runner-up, which sounds like you came second, but it's actually third. I was shocked and thrilled. I couldn't believe that I, a shy and insecure girl, had made it that far. I was on the winners podium.

The judges saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. They saw potential, beauty perhaps, and personality. They gave me feedback, encouragement, and opportunities.

The prize was to join a modeling agency, and to audition for more jobs. I was ecstatic. At the time, I felt like I had found my calling, my passion, my purpose. Like most teenagers would I suppose.

For the next few years, I pursued modeling as a career. I loved it. I even went on to the Miss Canterbury competition which was a highlight.

I loved the creativity, the variety, the challenge, and the fun. I loved meeting new people, traveling to new places, and learning new things. I loved expressing myself, discovering myself, and transforming myself. I loved the community aspect as often we would help fundraising efforts like in the old press release below, and it really fun being a model and hanging out with the other girls.

It wasnt all roses and rainbows.

Modeling was also hard, competitive, and stressful. I faced a lot of rejection, criticism, judgement and disappointment. I didn't get every job I wanted, or even most of them. I had to deal with a lot of "'nos", or worse, not hearing back at all.

I had to deal with a lot of expectations, and a lot of comparisons. I had to deal with a lot of insecurity, and a lot of my own nagging self-doubt.

There were a lot of emotions, and a lot of challenges, for a young person as I was, to deal with.

I learned a lot from modeling, both positive and negative.

It showed me how to be confident, but also how to be humble. For example, I have hidden my modelling portfolio away for years and never showed a soul, or at least only a few super-inner circle people, until now where I share a couple of shots from it with you. PLEASE BE KIND.

It showed me how to be resilient, but also how to be vulnerable. For example, I needed to be resilient dealing with the judgement of adults, some which didn’t speak English, as overseas fashion shoots were popular in our awesome NZ location. But also, vulnerable when I needed to ask my mum for help dealing with unwanted attention, or maybe that was being resilient too?

It showed me how to be professional, but also how to be authentic. The jobs I won were when I was more relaxed, being myself and showing true emotions, not tied up in knots trying to emulate someone else like my fav supermodels of the time such as Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford (showing my age here!)

At the end of the day, modeling showed me how to be myself. It showed me how to accept who I am, and how to celebrate who I am. It showed me how to embrace my strengths, and how to work on my weaknesses.

It showed me how to appreciate my beauty, and how to value my substance and my mind. It showed me how to love myself as I am, and perhaps care less about what others thought of me at the end of the day. Although, that last lesson what a journey.

Modeling also showed me when to move on.

As I matured, I found that modeling was not as rewarding or enjoyable as it used to be.

I found that I wanted to do more with my life, and that I had more to offer and use my voice for. I found that I wanted to explore other interests, and that I had many other talents.

So, I chose to stop modeling to pursue a different careers in psychology, science, art history, and management, in a university life.

It wasn’t a difficult decision because it had become somewhat toxic for me.

I was learning things that aligned modelling success with dieting and managing my weight in ways that were not healthy for my body or even mind health.

At the time is seemed that, if I was to be successful at modelling there was a price to pay and a set of eating behaviours which where hard for me to fulfil, because I enjoyed my food.

At my lowest point, I even tried Bulimic behaviors for a few months (not proud of that but it is my truth), and no surprise, it made me even more unhappy.

So I told my older sister, who rightly told my mother straight away, who rushed me to the psychologist, and we sorted it out within a few month [FYI I love that I went to a psychologist in my early life as I would later study to be one, albeit I went on to be a business psychologist!]. So, I don't regret my decision to quit that career and exit that particular environment.

Looking back, I'm proud of what I accomplished, and what I learned and I am proud of leaving. I'm grateful for what I experienced good and bad, and what I gained.

I'm happy with who I used to be, and who I am.

I'm excited about who I will be, and who I can be. Yes, I am still growing up in my 40's at this time of writting.

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I hope that by telling this story, I can inspire you to follow your dreams, and to pursue your passions. And if you are ever in an environment that not working, that you feel ok to quit and find other pastures or careers.?

Summary of the lessons I learned in my very first career

Here are some of the lessons that I learned from modeling, and that I think can apply to anyone's life and career:

·?????? Don't let your insecurities stop you from trying new things.

·?????? Don't let your failures define you, let them teach you.

·?????? Don't let your successes make you complacent, let them inspire you.

·?????? Don't let your critics discourage you, let them challenge you, but don't listen to all the feedback if its from the wrong people.

·?????? Don't let your expectations limit you, let them guide you.

·?????? Don't let your appearance distract you, let it enhance you.

·?????? Don't let your career consume you, let it enrich you.

·?????? Don't let your past hold you back, let it shape you.

·?????? Don't let your future scare you, let it excite you.

Thank you for reading my story. I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, and questions. And I would love to hear your stories, too.

I hope that this story can help you to be yourself, and to be proud of yourself. Let's connect, if we haven't already.

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